Am I bad and selfish mother?

[SamboM]

This has been worrying me for a while.

My dd is nearly 10 months. She has been sleeping through 7 or 8 pm till 7 or 8 or even 9am for a couple of months now. Every night when I go to bed I have the "shall I go and check on her or shan't I" dilemma.

If I do, I wake her up.

If I don't I lie there worrying that all is not well.

I have a listening device but she sleeps so quietly that I can lie there for hours waiting for a little sigh.

So I have decided to just leave her to sleep. Is this ok or should i be going in and checking on her?

SamboM - you just can't win can you ? If I were you if you can possibly bear it , leave her. She is fine, she will be fine and you are NOT a bad selfish mother, ok ?

We went through this dilemma and now we don't check on our dd before going to bed any more, unless she's ill. It's not nice for them to be woken up, as well as for you. Definitely don't think you're selfish - you have to stop at some point don't you?

I've found this but usually in the mornings. My ds used to wake up early and when he started to wake up later I'd sit at his door listening for him. I also found that the monitors made things worse cause I'd lie when he was little listening for him and he sleeps quietly too. I stopped using it. If he woke up and wanted me I heard him without it!!
I think you're better off letting her sleep. If she's a strong baby and happy she needs her sleep.
Like mmm said, you're not bad or selfish.

Oh, leave her to sleep!!! Are you mad I wish, wish, wish my ds would sleep that long instead of waking at 5.30am. How could you possibly be bad or selfish to leave your dd to sleep undisturbed? Please stop worrying.

Absolutely, leave her to sleep and enjoy it!

so goodness no, you're not bad and selfish, you're damn lucky!

I think its fine to leave her to sleep but you may find that you don't actually wake her up if you sneak in. I HAVE to check both of mine before I go to bed and dd2 (8 months) always stirs but always goes back to sleep.

i always checked my dd (entirely because I wanted to see how sweet she was when she was asleep, not because I thought anything terrible had happened to her in her cot!) but she was one of those that you could have had a party in her room and she wouldn't have woken up. my ds however would wake as soon as my hand was on the doorhandle of his room, so I pretty quickly gave up checking on him! they have pretty good lungs at 10 months, and they know how to use them if they want you. they also know how to get out from under covers etc so I really don't think there is anything to worry about. enjoy your blissful sleepy daughter!

Thanks everyone! It is difficult isn't it?

I have tried sneaking in so many times, but her door is noisy and the floorboards creak and she wakes up and sometimes that's it for an hour. I do need my sleep! Have even thought about putting a camera in so I can see her without going in. As PPH says, they look so sweet asleep, I would love to be able to pop in once an hour and look at her!

When we move house it will be different, the door is not noisy, the floorboards don't creak and there are carpets so should be quieter.

I always tiptoe in to check on my daughter before I go to bed and she is nearly 6. She doesn't wake I just stick my head round the door and see that she is ok, not half hanging out the bed or anything and cover her back up if she's kicked the covers off. My dh thinks I'm mad, can't understand why I go in every night but I like to see her asleep and know that she's ok.

I very, very rarely check on my son at night - only to close a window or to look at him - not because I'm worried. I didn't realise that anyone checked every night - so double bad mother!

I am the same, ds 3.5, I always check on him now before I go to sleep, just to kiss his head and tell him I love him, I know he is asleep, but I have always done this.

However when he was younger and woke easily I didn't check on him for fear of waking him, now I go in with a brass band and he doesn't wake.

I could go in with a brass band and it wouldn't wake him, obviously I do not.

I do check ds every night. Everytime I go to loo in fact! I wait to check that he is still breathing then I relax..... obssessive, I know. But I just cant stop!

When ds was younger and not so good at sleeping, I NEVER went in to the room while he was sleeping as I was so scared I'd wake him up. He is a very noisy sleeper though, so I could stand outside the (very slightly open) door and hear him breathing....(gave up on the monitor very quickly - totally unnecessary!!)
More recently (since he's been about one ish) I've discovered that he now sleeps heavily enough for me to go in without disturbing him - in fact usually both dh and I go in before we go to bed, just for the pleasure of watching him peacefully asleep! But its definitely for my benefit, not ds's - and if he woke up, I wouldn't do it.

Sometimes dd wakes up and cries around 10.30 / 11.00pm, by the time I go to the top of the stairs it stops, if I go in she is wide awake, if I go back downstairs - it appears she has gone back to sleep - I think she is just testing me - either that or she is been settled back to sleep by her little teddie bear friends(the little lifesavers)

I go in and check every night even though I realise it probably isn't necessary. I do accidentally wake ds up from time to time, but he usually resettles okay.

The reason I check is that a few months back I'd decided I wasn't going to check, got into bed, then thought ... no ... I have to go and check for my own sanity. Went in and ds had been sick all over his cot, turned over and gone back to sleep down the other end of the cot - hadn't called out or anything! The room reeked and we had to wake him up to clean him up and he was very ill that night (threw up several more times). There had been no signs of illness at all during the day.

So I've checked in on him every night since out of complete mummy guilt...

My son (3) is a whirlwind when he's awake, but he sleeps very soundly. He has slept through an alarm clock going off in his room (I could hear it a few rooms away but when I checked on him he was sound asleep). He sleeps through the absolute racket that the birds make first thing in the morning, and also sleeps through our very noisy garage door going up and down. And I always check on him several times at night before I go to bed, and he never wakes up. Once when ds was sick, I even had to give him some medicine a couple of times during the night and he slept through the whole thing... just automatically opened his mouth, swallowed and rolled over.

I s'pose in some way that makes up for having an active little boy with ants in his pants the rest of the time

I agree with everyone who has told you that in no way are you being selfish or a bad mother. If you are really really stressed then get the camera and then give yourself a break!!!!

There are those baby monitors that have a pad you slip under the baby to monitor their breathing, but I've heard they're not too reliable, anyone know?

It's not even really that I'm so worried about her, I know she's alright really. I just wasn't sure if it was really bad to leave her just so I could get some sleep (sounds silly now, but last night at midnight I was feeling all sad and guilty!)

I know I don't need the camera!

Just like to add that I certainly dont check out of worry, just love to see them both all cosy and asleep

I have never checked DS at night unless he woke up and cried. Never even thought about it - too terrified he would wake up. BTW, you are sooo lucky - DS has now settled on 6am as his wake up time, but was waking at 5am for quite a while - aargh!