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Off the back of my other (very therapeutic) thread, what would like to be able to say in your personal life but feel you can't?

15 replies

Jacksmama · 20/01/2010 16:17

To my stepdad:
"I love you to bits but every time you get going on how much you hate Bill Gates and Microsoft products you make all our ears bleed! Bloody shut up about it already! Bill Gates is not going to go away!! Live with it!! All your computer equipment is by Apple at this point, so WHY DO YOU STILL CARE??? And btw, swearing in your very German accent does not emphasize your point, it just makes me want to PMSL. "Schittttttttttttt!" just sounds funny, sorry!"

To my friend:
"When I gave you all those baby clothes, I did not want them back - which you knew! You know we aren't having any more and you also know how little time I have. Dumping four mahooooooosive bin bags of baby stuff in front of my door so I had to haul them into the garage to get them out of the currently incessant rain did not make me happy!! Nor does the idea of taking time out of my ridiculously busy day to find somewhere to donate them, when you told me you recently found a women's shelter to donate that sort of stuff to, and went there yourself just last week!!!"

To another friend:
"Ok, so I asked you a favour which you did not want to do (even though you previously said it was no problem ). Dressing me down in an email for it was Very Uncool and has really put a damper on what I considered a potentially very close friendship. I am not 6 years old and do not need to be treated like a socially backwards child. Simply saying, "you know, I don't think I want to do that and here's why" would have been much simpler. Saying no without coming right out and saying it means I missed the fact that you actually meant no, and that's why I persisted - prompting your very unpleasant email. And not acknowledging my very sincere apology in any way whatsoever means it now lies between us like the proverbial elephant in the living room."

Phew, that's better.

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Jacksmama · 20/01/2010 18:01

Am I really the only one who needs to vent this much?

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Jacksmama · 21/01/2010 00:38

I'll just have an entire pissing and moaning thread to myself then, thanks!

To DH:
"When DS is in with us at night and wakes up giggling and in a playful mood, calling "Daddy, Daaaaaaaaaaddy", and I whisper "ssshhhh, Daddy's sleeping", you saying "Daddy's right here, bud" doesn't exactly encourage him to go back to sleep! Next time refuses to go back to sleep because of course now he's really awake and wants to play, you get up with him, I don't care if it's your day to work!

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BlackLetterDay · 21/01/2010 01:40

Dp, I know you are ill atm and I am holding off on any serious "talks" etc, but everything is not hunky dory. You calling me hun and kissing me goodnight is not going to solve our problems. I love you but if you don't start talking to me or address our problems what I said the other night still stands.

Jacksmama · 21/01/2010 05:48

BlackLetterDay

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coolma · 21/01/2010 06:10

To my ex 'best' friend: 'e mailing me and telling me that you no longer felt you could 'deal' with my mental breakdown when I was slap bang in the middle of it and patronisingly saying I was 'in denial' about my drinking was probably the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to me. I wish I hadn't wasted three years of my life dropping everything when you 'needed' me in the midst of your pathetic little traumas. Added to which I really don't think it was very nice of you to tell other friends that I was manipulative and nasty when I was actually very unwell. As someone who professed to have had alcohol problems and mental health issues yourself, I will never understand how you could have been so vile. I would like you to know that I have been 'dry' since last January, have got an amazing job now and am extremely happy. Unlike you, whose mummy has put everything in your spoiled little lap, we have used our own money and seriously hard work to purchase our house cars and kifestyle. I wish I could say I wish you no ill, but actually I do.'

GrumpyWhenWoken · 21/01/2010 23:22

To my friends who think I'm tough and brave and cope with everything; I'm not really, I miss my mum every day of my life and cry about it, that my life will never be the same without her and I cry all the time, just not in front of anyone. I don't really cope with my 2 boys, I shout at them sonetimes and feel terrible about it, I'm really not the capable mummy you think I am behind closed doors.

Jacksmama · 22/01/2010 02:06

Grumpy, none of us are! for you. When did you lose your mum?

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GrumpyWhenWoken · 22/01/2010 13:28

she died the week before Christmas 2008, she had a rare cancer, which she battled for 2 years. I thought it would get easier but have been crying lots lately for some reason. I was there when she died, it keeps playing over in my mind what happened that day and it's really upsetting.
I wish I could phone her, just have one more day with her, one more hug. Sorry, I feel like I should be getting over it by now.

Jacksmama · 22/01/2010 16:43

Oh my dear I really really feel for you. I wish I had something helpful to say but I don't - I'm sure you've been told all the obvious ones - write her a letter as if she was still here, grief counselling, all that...
Would a tiny (((HUG))) help or would that send me straight over to Hunsnet?

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GrumpyWhenWoken · 22/01/2010 23:59

Jacksmama it's lovely that you bothered to reply to my post, I do need a hug and very welcome it was too!

It's nice to be able to just say stuff on here that I think my friends are fed up of hearing. You've got your own problems with your step dad being a bit, well, germanic! And your friends being a bit, well flakey when you seem to be the type of person who appreciates straight foward.... my observations, possibly wrong of course!

Me, I'm independent, single mum with two boys, and missimg my mum.

I miss her gentleness that I seem to lack, her lightness of touch that I wish I had. I miss my best friend, and it's hard.

Jacksmama · 23/01/2010 14:56

Well, you know, it's funny - sometimes we all need to vent and I certainly did when I started this thread, but really, these are all relatively minor problems and fixable, with some typical JM straight-forwardness! (You're not wrong about that - I hate that passive-aggressive shit.) Sometimes other people's replies put things in perspective. You not having your mum is a permanent problem. And I can imagine how much it hurts, I adore my mum, and would be lost without her - even thinking about anything happening to her makes my heart hurt.

I had a huge falling-out with the girl I considered my best friend almost two years ago. It happened after DS was born (horrible, crap traumatic birth - but he's completely fine) and I had PND as well as PTSD (flashbacks, the whole none yards - it was lovely - not!!) My friend had had a horrible tragedy of her own a few months before, and thought I should be able to pull up my socks and get on with it. Well, most of us know it doesn't work that way. And she said something cruel and insensitive and I could literally hear the crack as our friendship came apart.
The thing is, I don't miss her - somehow what she said was so wrong it wiped out all warm feelings I had for her - but I miss having someone who knows me that well, who "gets" me. That left a hole for a while. And it takes time to fill that hole. I'm getting there, but I still don't have that one girlfriend who is just it, if you know what I mean. But at least I have my mum, and I think that's what made me feel so for you.

I have found though, anonymous as it is, MN does take the place of a gf to vent to, and get some good, caring advice from.
How old are your boys? Mine is turning two (TWO! ) next month.

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coolma · 23/01/2010 17:31

God jacksmama, sounds similar to my story! And I know exactly what you mean about not missing her, but missing the friendship. And Grumpy - so sorry to hear your sad story. I too still have my mum, she drives me insane but dh lost his mum last year and it made me relsie how old mine is (80, but really doesn't look or act it!) and how suddenly these things happen.

Jacksmama · 23/01/2010 17:56

They do, don't they, coolma. I'm sorry you had that kind of a "friend" experience too

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GrumpyWhenWoken · 24/01/2010 12:35

thanks for the support Jacksmama and Coolma, I can't post on this thread without crying now, so I'll see you on another thread

Jacksmama · 24/01/2010 18:38

OK. Hope to see you. I'm usually on the One-Child Tea Room thread - but anyone is welcome regardless of how many children you have. Come visit for some support and virtual wine laughs - please do, both of you!

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