OK, brief update: FIL left mil in January, after 35 years, ran off with younger girly. FIL engaged after a few weeks, now has new house with her. MIL just getting life together, BIL had to mortgage away his life at 30 and take out a joint mortgage with her to save her home as FIL wanted money ASAP.
We have stayed in contact with both parties as after all, it is dh's mummy and daddy. Mil didnt like it at first, but has got used to it and accepted it as best she can. FIL was all over us at the start of this, but now he has vanished from our lives, kids (even the one named after him) havent seen him since January and we get a VERY occasional phone call, usually after something, and even they tailed off and noww there is nothing. Dh didnt even get a birthday card. Think new girly is at root of this as I dont think she likes us existing but cannot prove this.
Thing is, we share a similar social scene, and this focuses on a the Somerset Carnivals, whcih for us starts in Axminster next month. We'll have to be there as kids on a float, but fil will be there every time as his girly is also on another float. Would break dh's heart to pull out as this is his hobbies, friends, everything to him. Really scared though that fil will just blank kids? Eldest has Aspergers also, and doesnt need the pain. BUT they love the carnival, this is their hobbies also, we spend all year building the thing after all!.
What do I do?
I am tempted to call FIL and tell him to get his act together but when i phoned about him missing DH's birthday, apparently my fauly as he was just too loved up to remember eldest sons birthday, i got a massive mouthful as apparently the family was happy until i cruelly stole dh from them, when he left they couldnt cope. He was 27 for goodness sake!
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Bad enough he hurts dh, think I'll lose it if he blanks kids too!