Are you living the life you want?

[frustrationville]

How did you get there??

really I'm 36 and i'm still million miles from life i want and i have no idea how to get there

I want the life I live now, if that's close enough

what do you want?

i want an active fun life filled with friends and family and a career and hobbies!

Join the club.

I'm living the life I wanted 10 years ago (and was living it then). It's not the life I want now though. Lots of aspects are what I want but there are several that I would change.

If you do want to change things in your life, you need a "life plan" really. Sounds rubbish but if you want to get somewhere you need to know the route...

Clearly, I've not bothered with one or else I'd be living the life I want!

No. The only things in my life I wouldn't change are my children. Everything else could be improved.

that's what i'm afraid of.. being 10 years on and still disatisfied

i'm raring to go if only i knew how to

can't do much about acquiring family, i'm trying really hard to make friends, moved to a new city 18 months ago.. it's very hard though, normal people don't seem to want to make new friends in their 30's..

the career, i just don't know what or how to start, i'd like to start my own business but doing what i don't know

i have some regrets about semi-recent past but i have 3 amazing kids so can't wallow in regret. i just want to throw all my energies into imroving our life from every angle, just don't really know how to

NO, but the life I thought I wanted doesn't seem very attractive any more LOL!

'This life' isn't bad, and many people would be extremely happy in it, but I feel pretty unfulfilled right now.

Or perhaps I'm just a miserable, ungrateful cow?

u are probably a lot closer to it than u think. don't compare yourself to others - their perfect lives are nearly always an illusion.

some people have a naturally contented temperament whilst others ( me included ) are always searching for something better.

it's good to be like this in many situations as u are always looking for and making improvements.

so much meedja these days feeds us this improbably perfect lifestyle. it doesn't exist.

and i am sure the friends will come. better to be patient and meet some great people than rush in and regret.....

Riven I wish I could wave a magic wand for you.

Its difficult. Weighing up the things I have with what I want. I'm satisfied with my life, I have a good husband, a beautiful dd and a nice house in a good area, I have a lot to be grateful for and I am happy a lot of the time. But there are things I want, I would love to live by the sea, have our own business, and for money to be less tight. I think I can get there, but not yet. There are dreams I've given up on, I don't work in the job I want to be in and will never fulfil all the ambitions I had at uni, but I have a family that I never thought I'd have and on balance I'd rather have them than the exciting career I imagined for myself.

I am very lucky to be in the position I'm in, being dissatisfied with my lot seems awful when you hear of so much suffering and need in the world.

OP the job/business sounds like a good place to start - since it will generate more income, increased social opportunities and so on

could you make a list of occupations that interest you?

no

I am Getting On and apart from the dcs and the dawgs there is definitely Much Room for Improvement in other areas

...mind you I was doing a bit of grumbling in my head this morning along these lines, but then thought of all my grandparents in the War with their unsuitable spouses just getting on with it. So I took myself aside and gave myself a quick punch in the face and told myself to count my blessings.

It has mostly worked...

No - life becoming unaffordable. Sovereignity for us, ie. ref Icelandic voters referendum, would completely change the attitude of torysmarm & laboursmarm. Self-centred party politicians deny us sovereignity. Is that why UK issues never get sorted, with us picking up the bill for all the mess of last 15 plus years. Lobbied London Mayor 1 & 2, assembly members, Blair, passing-thru govt ministers, etc all equally fruitless - do powerful lobbyists have strings to pull we amateur mere voters do not? Eventually realised policymaking theory before practicalities predominate(the Thick of it, but that's politics). Women generally pay disproportionately especially emotionally, physically frequently financially too eg. Fiona Pilkington despaired, but the negligence of all authorities involved goes unpunished. The same bods either stay on or move on - status quo suits them, not the Fiona Pilkingtons or the couple found dead in their bungalow, etc? Today BBC Radio You&Yours highlighted a) seriously ill/terminally ill benefit claimers interview then denied benefits. One cancer-survivor appealed and got her benefits restored. b)condenser boilers freezing up, not working in freezing weather. c) 29 page over-complex claim forms for poorer pensioners who fail then to claim.
Systemic deficiencies in the biggest unprofitable, harmful industry - the government. My first post so tell me if I have broken any rules

I don't have a 'life I want'. I have the life I have and I do the best I can to make it good, and make the best of it.

WHen I was about 7 I wanted to live in a castle and/or be Elizabeth I. I didn't acheive that. I've sort of grown a bit since then.

BTW I don't know how old you are but when I was approaching 40 I did go through a phase of 'is this all there is'. But thank god it passed. It made me miserable

I've got a job that I enjoy, a wonderful (most of the time ) dh and three wonderful (ditto) kids, a nice house in a good neighbourhood, fab friends and most importantly, we all have our health.

On the minus side, I haven't travelled which is something that I really wanted to do, and the town that we live in is not at all where I wanted to live. It does cause a bit of friction between DH and I - he's happy with his lot and didn't want to move because his dad was very ill for a long time, so we stayed put. There's always going to be a very restless part of me as a result, I think.

I never had a preconceived idea of how I wanted my life to go but I couldn't ask for more tbh , so yes, I love my life and so it's the life I want! I have a lovely dh and good marriage, 3 great children, a nice home, wonderful friends, supportive family and no major health issues now (after some pretty serious ones a few years ago).
I'd like to do a bit more travelling to places I want to see for pure pleasure rather than just the places we've been to/lived in with dh's job but that can be done and it's not something that frustrates me or impairs my enjoyment of life, it's just something that I'd like to achieve at some stage.

I think that, with exceptions of course(eg health issues, major life-affecting experiences) most people probably feel a bit dissatisfied with their lot but if they really looked at what their "lot" was, they might see it in a more positive light.
fwiw OP, I had a very unhappy few years for lots of reasons years ago in my late teens/early twenties and I couldn't see myself ever getting to the stage where I felt happy with things but I am very happy now and so it can be done and often appreciating what you DO have rather than always concentrating on what you DON'T have leads to more contentment.
I hope things work out for you

Thanks marmaduke. I used to believe life is what you make it, but can't help feeling with every year that passes - our lives are impacted by outside influences that restrict and reduce our personal options.

As for airbrushed Cameron and Dour-Brown & Co, they are just the public frontmen, my feeling with all of them is "Buyer Beware, Voter beware". Not confident about our individual futures with the prospect of banks, multinationals & grossly swollen ranks of government vs the constitutionally humble man/woman. Campaigning and voluntary community work has worn out my credulity.

apart from the job - pretty much yes.

we made 5 year plans when the kids were born ( we were both v. young) so it was
go to uni - we both did

• move to south coast - - we did

- move to france - we no longer want to

• buy own house - we did

one day i will get a job i like and be content. or open a cafe.

Nearly. There are two things I still want to achieve but am in a much better position to be able to achieve them now than, say, twenty years ago.

But I love my life. Sure it has minor irritations but the core feeling for me is of happiness.

Mind you, it was a completely different ball game in my 20s and early 30s. There was virtually nothing about my life I liked then.

I do think that getting older plays a small part in it though, insomuch as I accept myself and what makes me happy far more than when I was younger.