Wills, guardians etc - any advice?

[CathB]

Following the birth of dd2, dh and I have decided to be grown up and write a will. The what to do if one of us goes under a bus is not a problem, but the what to do if we go under the same bus is causing much anxt.
After much discussion we have settled on asking my BIL and his wife to be a guardian for our 2. i would prefer my parents but they would be too old being mid to late 70s when the youngest is 18.
What I am fretting about is how binding are our wishes? Can Social Services intervene if they dont approve (BIL is respectable citizen I hasten to add)or the other branch of the family. Also how can we ensure access for my side of the family so that they dont lose touch if the worst happens? I gather that Grandparents dont really have rights as such but if it was specified in a will, would that change anything?
I know that this is really for lawyers but I am trying to clarify my thoughts before we get that far, so any advice from anyone who has done this would be appreciated. Advice on anything else we need to think about would also be welcome. The house would be paid for in the event of the bus scenario so money should not be too much of an issue. The bottom line is that we want to ensure that they end up where they would be happy and not in care or split up or some other nightmare of this sort. fret, fret, fret...

CathB ... I am not really up on this sort of thing but I do remember when we did our will that it is REALLY important that your will is held somewhere safe ... IE NOT in your loft!! I think that there is some kind of time frame involved and if they can't find the will then it is at that point that things get complicated and children become wards of court etc ...
I may be totally wrong but that is what I remember the lawyer telling us.
Also the 'make your own will' kits are not a good idea either ... let the experts do it ...
HTH a bit!!!

We had this problem only more complicated! We've been assured that social services would only intervene if guardian was "unfit" or if guardian unwilling. Other branch of the family would have right to appeal to family court so we have a separate letter which is not legally binding but outlines our reasons for setting things up as we have, emotional bonds etc..

You can stipulate that you wish the kids to see your side of the family but again if communications broke down they could go to the courts.

We had house etc paid off but obviously kids wouldn't live in it so it would be sold and put with other insurance money into trust from which guardian (my mum) would get an allowance and extra money at the discretion of the trustees (solicitor and my dad, parents divorced, complicated!) Any leftovers put towrds uni and then paid out to DD when she's 24.

I think that if you have BILs agreement and he understands the importance of maintaining kids' relationship with your side of the family all should be ok. Only thing to bear in mind is that if BILs situation changes you will need to update your will (e.g. if he gets divorced, moves to USA etc)

Bit long, but HTH

CathB, how about appointing your parents as guardians, and then changing your wills when you feel they are too old?

Dear all
Many thanks for all the advice! I had not even thought about trustees etc. DH's bank offer a will writing service but it sounds as though we need a professional.
Lisac - i had thought about doing as you suggest but I was concerned that if the bus thing happened when they were small that my parents (well dad and step mother) might only be able to cope for a while and the children would have to be uprooted subsequently. Also I was worried that if they were deemed too old, that Social Services might intervene. My Dad is now 60 and so would be 77 when DD2 got to 18.

Hi CathB

Just read your message. DH is a private client lawyer so writes wills every day (one of the things he specialises in). I will ask him tonight when he is in from work and see what he says if that helps.

BT, I know I may be biased but can I also reiterate the bot using a DIY will. DH has no end of problems trying to sort them out. Pay for a professional to do it and all should be well - that's what they are trained for after all. And, a good will shouldn't be that expensive in the whole scheme of things either.

Will get back to you later.

Should add that we had "mirror wills" and it cost us £75 incl VAT, solicitor came to see us at home and had asked us to email an outline of what we wanted before. When he came he had translated everything into "legalese" but explained how it tied in with what we wanted.

Hi CathB

Just spoken to Dh about the guardianship issue for you. The guardians appointed are not legally binding BUT if it went to court it would have a large weighting attached to it. The courts would put your children first. Again the grandparents issue isn't legally binding too but again heavy weighting to your wishes, and what is best for your children, would be taken into account. I think in cases like this you need to speak to the family too and let them know what your wishes are too, so any problems can be brought up and discussed now.

It terms of cost of a will. For a straight forward will (mirror wills for each of you, with no tax planning needed) DH's firm charges about £100 plus VAT for the two. If you have to do tax planning and stuff you need discretionary wills, which he charges about £300 plus VAT for.

Your solicitor should go through all the things to consider in his/her initial interview with you to talk through your ideas and wishes, and any worries or concerns you have.

It is up to you where you keep your will - at home in a safe, but findable place, or at your solicitors (usually free of charge).

You will need to consider executors of the will too - who will sort everything out at the time. We have my dad and DH's dad if we both go together.

This is worrying. What happens if you don't have a will. Is there a real danger that your child wouldn't end up with family members, but would be taken into care or something?

We got ours done at a local solicitors. It cost #50 for both. We have stipulated the guardians that we want and that we want our assets to be put into trust. The solicitor said that the standard law usually meant that the trust couldn't be used to pay for living expenses while the child was a minor, so we added a clause to say that the trust would be administrated by someone other than the guardians (not that we don't trust them not to embezzle the lot but you know...) and the money used to cover the cost of raising our child/ren. Does that make sense?
We decided that it was better for child/ren to have whatever they needed growing up than necessarily coming into money at 18 or whatever. We also didn't want the guardians to be out of pocket or have their lifestyle reduced as a result of agreeing to raise our kids.

I don't know the implications of dying without a will regarding guardianship, but dying intestate is such a pain for 'those you leave behind'. The government takes a whole wodge of cash that they wouldn't be entitled to if you left a will, and sorting out things is so much easier eg: life insurance, etc. If the Public Trustee has to get involved it becomes very drawn out.

I used to work in a life insurance company and when people died intestate it delayed things immeasurably. I remember one woman couldn't access her son's policy to pay for his funeral because of the delay having to get probate, etc.

Dh has not had to deal with this in any of his probate cases but a family lawyer should know. If the children were old enough they would probably get a choice (with that person's approval!), and family would probably be looked at first - they'd have to apply for guardianship I guess.

Dh's comment on this one: "Make a will!!!"

you can get them from the post office too lots cheaper than a solicitor

Please can I reiterate the problem with DIY wills though. If you do use them keep it VERY simple and short. Dh deals with them and they are notourious (sp?) for having problems attached to them. They can be worse that not having a will at all.

Lawyers are qualified to do them - years of studying and continued practise and experience - so make use of their knowledge. Choose a specialised lawyer too who deals with them on a daily basis, espeically if you want anything out of the ordinary. You will be more likely to have no problems if you use the professionals. That is what they are there for! And really is is that expensive? I don't think so really when you look at the stress and hassle it will save your family, and the money it could save you if you have to try and reduce inheritence tax.

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We had our latest will written FOC as part of a deal when we took out some new insurance cover. We have also included our wishes wrt a funeral, (not that we have any pressing desires!) just to lessen the decision making our older children would have to do, at a very difficult time.

Look out for lawyers doing the "Cancer Reseaerch" scheme. You can get a stabdard will for free, with no obligation at all to Cancer Research. DH does these every so often and they are exactly the same wills as he charges people for when there is no scheme running.