Need help giving up the evil weed

[veryashamedmum]

Obviously I have name-changed for this. I am really stuggling here. I have done the biggest thing and left EA xp nearly 2 months ago. Now I need help to kick the habit he has left me with

Please do not post to flame me, I know that this habit is unacceptable. I need practical help and support while I try to get clean.

I have smoked every day for the last 2 years, which were the worst of the relationship with x, and now I do not know how to give it up. He has smoked heavily for around 20 years and in the end I guess it was an 'if you can't beat him, join him' situation. Being around him was more tolerable after smoking, but now I have developed resistance and feel like I am only able to function 'normally' after smoking.

I am desperate to give up and be a better mum please help me, especially anyone who has been on my side of the fence.

Have you thought of going to see addaction? They help with all sorts of addictions, not just hard drugs. You can give them a call and pop for a chat.

Good luck, I really do hope it works out for you.

Thank you, Fluffy I will look them up. I really want to do this but breaking this habit (or addiction) is going to be hard. I have no rl support as no one knows. I couldn't tell my family as I wasn't brought up like this.

You have absolutely no reason to be ashamed. The fact that you want to give it up to make yourself a better mum speaks volumes about the sort of person you are. I was going to suggest addaction as well. They truly are brilliant. A friend of mine recently celebrated 3 years sobriety because of the wonderful help they offered him.

All the best of luck. It is going to take every ounce of strength and determination you have, but it most definitely can be done.

I don't know that I have any strength left. It took all of that to leave him. I am ashamed because I think it's disgusting and I should know better. I let myself be controlled by X for years to my detriment I am still being controlled by this.

I know that as a heavy user it is going to take around 14 days to go through withdrawal and I am dreading it. I know that I feel extremely sad when I don't smoke and I don't want to be like that. I want to be normal now.

Although, I should add, my perception of 'normal' is very messed up at the moment. I know that I cannot heal from the abuse until I am clean.

I hope you don't mind, but I spoke to my friend this morning about your situation to try to get some more information for you.

The first thing he mentioned was the depression that came with quitting. By facing up to your addiction, you are in essence trying to erase of part of you that you no longer wish to know. This caused him the greatest amount of depression. He battled the depression and the mood swings with exercise as excercise releases endorphins ("depression killing chemical" as he called them). He didn't do anything too strenuous - a walk, a run, cleaning the house. But something to take his mind off the cravings and pull him out of the mood he was in. He said that you don't necessarily need to do this, but without physical activity, you will find quitting much more difficult.

He mentioned those who slowly cut back their usage prior to quitting completely and mentioned that, even though this may seem like the easier way to do it, it is prolonging the inevitable and causes greater cravings than simply quitting "cold turkey".

You also need to make sure that everyone in your life is aware of your decision to quit and that they support you in this decision. If you have friends who you smoke with, unless they are able to support you fully - you are probably better without them in your life. My friend said he severed ties with numerous friends who he used to get high with as they continually offered him weed after his quit date.

Finally, he opened a savings account where he deposited all the money he would have spent on weed or other drugs. After three years sober his balance is over £10,000 (and he says he has withdrawn from the account numerous times over the years). For him, this became a prime reason to maintain his sobriety. This is his "fun money" to buy things that he has always wanted but could never previously afford because of his various addictions.

He has highly recommended this site. It is Australian, but he said it has been a huge help in quitting and maintaining his quit. I hope it is as helpful to you as it was to him.

You already know all of the reasons for quitting. I know you are pretty low at the moment, but you need to find the strength to do this - for your sake as well as your children.

If you ever need to talk, I am more than happy for you to email me. No pressure, only if you want to anniebeansmum AT yahoo DOT co DOT uk. Good luck - you CAN do this!

I've been where you are and for much the same reason. It's good that you realise that you have to stop. I think you have to be honest with yourself and accept that you do have to quit. You probably won't ever be able to safely go back to just having the occasional joint. I know I can't. As soon as I have even a single draw it triggers the addiction again and I just want more and more and more.

When I stopped it took about a week for my sleep patterns to settle down. I'd gotten so used to smoking myself into a daze I'd forgotten what a proper night's sleep was like . AnnieBeansMum has given you some great advice - exercise helped me a lot. You also need to be careful not to just swop one addiction for another. What I mean is if you find it hard to sleep without a joint then don't try to drink yourself to sleep instead.

I will say one more thing. The fear of stopping ended up being a heck of a lot worse than what it was actually like. And I really loved waking up in the morning clear headed! You can do this!

Annie, Thank you so much for your support, I am overwhelmed that I haven't been flamed.
I do accept that I have to quit, and I don't even enjoy it anymore. The only person I used to smoke with was my ex, so avoiding people associated with the scene is relatively easy. Most of my rl friends are not smokers, many are unaware that I do. I figure keeping busy and just riding out the sleeplessness for as long as it takes. I have counselling set up to start next month because I already suffer from depression. My GP said the organisation I've been referred to help with exercise-on-prescription, and alternative methods too for dealing with mental illness. I have bought ample supplies of cleaning materials, as this is something I can do at night when dc are asleep. I will also make myself go for a walk when I am craving (and post on here/email you of course ) I do need the therapy and to recover my self-esteem, but I want to be clean for it or I am still hiding from my issues.

DC go back to school this week, and I am intending to quit NOW. Cutting down is no good for me (although I smoke less than I did in the relationship) so cold turkey it is. I know that once even the first few days have passed, I will not want to go back and waste the effort I've already put in. I don't normally smoke cigarettes except in a joint but I should imagine I will be unable to quit the nicotene habit at the same time. Baby steps.

MadeUp, the fear of leaving xp made me stay for about 2 years longer than I wanted to. Now I just wish I hadn't wasted the time on him. The last couple of months have been so much easier for me, and less stressful. And now I wont have him pressuring me to smoke with him. I don't drink alcohol as I am on ADs, and I realise these will probably work more effectively once this stuff is out of my system.

How are you getting on?? Feel free to rant and shout if you need to.