I'm not spending another year like this - how do I make my children tidy??

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They are 6 and nearly 4.

Yes, I am a crap mother, they should have been doing it from birth then I wouldn't be in this mess (literally!)

DD1 is ok if you tell her specific things "pick up the red car" etc (I think it is the aspergers that makes "tidy the lounge" a phrase to make her look blank... giving specifics for what to pick up and where to put it helps).

But DS is as much a sh*t at tidying as he is with anything else I tell him to do. He just says no and refuses to move.

Then DD1 is pissed off with doing all of it (quite rightly as the majority of mess is down to him), and she refuses too.

I will not spend any more of my life drowning under housework. They have to help - it isn't like I have them up chimneys, just some common courtesy and respect for their toys.

I have nowhere to store confiscated toys. Do I just keep sitting him on the stairs? (which in itself is hard as you have to stay with him which inevitably leads to DD2 crying her heart out for the hell of it).

HELP!

I'm spending the next few weeks gradually sorting adult crap in the house to make life easier

Don't give up YOU CAN DO IT. Buy a second hand LOCKABLE filing cabinet (4 drawers - there huge)Put all their toys in the drawers and only allow out a few at a time. If they dont return them at the end of the day, lock the drawers until they get bored with the few toys in circulation. A week of the same transformer and your DS will throw the towel in. Its a battle of wills with kids and there can only be one winner - it has to be you.

My problem was being fussy. DH would take the baby, then babies, up for a bath and I would put all the toys away in their rightful boxes. Was fine when they were little but now they have hundreds of toys.

Yesterday I was quite Sergenat Majorish and it was like -

DD - put the coat way

ds put that car away, etc etc but it worked!

Lol! I'm unlikely to have fussiness as an issue The only thing I care where it goes is the wooden stuff (train track etc)

They don't actually have that many toys, tis mainly that they have toys that are all bits iyswim (playmobil etc).

I do have a filing cabinet I can whack a load in though

I would invest in some really useful boxes and lebel them with pictures so the DC can see what goes where.

I would also play them off each other, if it'll work, ie who can clean it the fastest. If your son is refusing to clean up then just out everything in a bin bag and tell him he can have it back when he is ready to put his toys away nicely. Put the bag in your bedrom if needed.

Also if they pull everything out putting it all away seems such effort, so try and limit the number of toys they have out at a time.

I struggle with this but I think the golden rules are:

• make sure you are a good role model (I'm not but I'm working on it ) - you have already made very good start by sorting out your clutter

• limit the amount of toys (ie have two boxes or shelves per child and once they get filled up, you then have to have a chuck out session)

• make sure all toys and books/CDs have a specific place which are identified and labelled so the dc understand where each item goes

• any school age dc to have their own reachable coat pegs and place to store their school bag/paperwork for signing/gym bag etc

• decide how many times a day you want them to tidy up their toys (here it's once before bed)

• burn yourself a "tidy up" cd with "bouncy" music on it (we have "hi ho, hi ho" and "the grand old duke of york" on ours ....)

• play it for a specific ring-fenced period of time at the same time every evening (suggest 10 mins) - use a timer - join in and make it high energy and fun - as others have suggested, make it in to a race

• no nagging, no trying to direct from afar, no perfectionism, just consistency ...

• try and be content with 60% results and don't give up!!

• DON'T call yourself a crap mother!!!!

Good luck!!

This evening went fairly well. DD1 got out of a lot of it due to illness, but a mix of competition (putting away x amount before I managed the same amount), finding certain things, and a smidge of bribery seemed to do a lot of good.

Have taken note of the list

Will sort out pictures for the boxes too

I have to say, Mary Poppins speaks sense, with her Spoonful of Sugar!

I did that for years with my minded children and my DD. Stick some music on and sing whilst you tidy. I think you'll need to do it with them for a while, but they'll soon get the hang of it and it makes it much more fun to tidy.

(Should also mention, that it all goes down the pan, when they become teenagers. I have just had to show DD (14) exactly what might be crawling in her bed with her and what health and social risks her bedroom carry! )