If you have a tentative plan with someone, is it inconsiderate/rude to not inform them if you aren't able to make it?

[Earlybird]

In the last few days I've had 2 friends not get in touch to confirm or cancel tentative plans. In both instances, I was definitely 'on' for the plan and was waiting to hear if they could clear their schedules.

It would have been absolutely OK if they couldn't make it - it is a busy time of the year, and transport is a real issue atm. But to simply not be in touch is thoughtless.

Is a 'As I've heard nothing, I assume you are unable to make it' or a 'I didn't hear from you - what happened?" note/text a bit snarky? To say nothing and let it pass seems - imo - to give the impression that it is OK to treat someone that way. I'm peeved at the lack of communication.

What would you do?

If i have tentative plans with someone i always text ' are you still okay for XXXXXX' a day or two before, then you know one way or another, it saves you wasting time or any confusion.

Im sure noone means to let you down, as you say it is a busy time of year

Had this last week when a friend hadn't confirmed if we were meeting after work by the morning of the day we were meeting. Ended up sending a text AND email asking if still on - I really needed to know as had to arrange for DH to pick DD up, she doesn't have kids so able to be more spontaneous. Think she got the message I was a bit blunt in my messages! I would send them a short and to the point message

Was in email contact with the one friend yesterday who said she was 'swamped' at work, but would let me know if she could get away for lunch and a bit of last minute shopping today.

I got busy sorting/wrapping gifts, and lost track of time. I finally felt a bit peckish and noticed it was 1.00, and I'd heard nothing. I sent a brief 'since I haven't heard from you, I'm assuming today isn't possible' note, and still have heard nothing.

Not OK, imo.

That is just rude - we're all busy at this time of year. Even if she'd said 'I'm going to be swamped at work, I'll try and get away but if you don't hear by 1pm assume I can't make it' or something. I'd be annoyed!

Not only was I left in limbo, but clearly my friend isn't rushing to explain/apologise. Still have heard nothing from her - no response to my email either.

I'm not trying to make her feel guilty, but it is rude and inconsiderate. I didn't make other plans/do other things because I was waiting to hear from her.

Why do I always feel unreasonable when I let my annoyance show?

Even though I enjoy her company very much, she can be a bit flaky. Being treated in this way makes me question the friendship.