Elijah will have Bo as a middle name.

[bubble99]

What do you think about this? I've discussed it with Mr Bubble and he thinks it's a good thing to do. I know that, as a baby and child, Elijah may subconsciously miss his twin. I saw them on scans and even though they were in separate sacs they were eyeballing each other and reaching out. My main worry is how he will feel about it in later life. People are often named after deceased loved ones, grandparents etc, but do you think it will make him feel sad once he's old enough to know and fully understand what happened? Perhaps if he has children of his own?

I know this should probably be posted on Miscarriage and Bereavement, but as more of you seem to look in here, I thought I might get some opinions.

Thanks. XX

keep thinking it was my post that made u upset. [

i;m sorry. sometimes things dont come out the way i mean.

Bubble, please don't ever say or think that - I wish I had got to know you under better circumstances, I only got to know you after Bo died - but it is a privilege to know you - you are an astonising woman (and very funny to boot!) We're women (well, most of us)..talking and listening are what we do, and we're here when you need us (whether it be trivia or tragedy). (((hugs)))

Beautiful idea, Bubble xxxxxx

And the same goes for you misdee - you talk about Peter as much as you need to.

Em's twin is very important to her now she's 9 - we used Hope as one of her middle names as a reminder of Octavia. Although our daughter's death was nothing like as traumatic as Bo's we've always found being open and honest ( but not morbid) has helped all of us. That time in the womb is very special to the twin left behind. By the way, I still blub when the box comes out.
I have written everything down as a diary for Em. Can thoroughly recommend it.

Just so you know, I'd only read the first post when I posted that - having read the whole thread, stop that kind of talk, Bubble - NOBODY thinks that. You're fantastic and an inspiration and a bloody good laugh. I've missed you lately - have replied to your email to say just that! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

One of the mums at school lost and identical twin at 32 weeks. I've talked to her, although it's a completely different scenario as her baby died form TTS (twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome) Anyway, they decided to plant an oak tree for their daughter and duly turned up in Richmond Park on the appointed day for a planting ceremony. She'd envisaged a strong sapling which would grow to be a mighty oak for generations of her family to have picnics under. When they got there she said it was a bloomin' twig that kept pitching sideways in the breeze. That made me laugh Also I met a woman with beautiful boy/girl 7 month old twins and we got chatting. I told her what had happened to Bo and how lucky she was to have both of her babies. After a while she started crying (see the effect I have on people, I'm not top of anyone's guest list at the moment) She'd had a son who died suddenly at 6 weeks of age a couple of years ago. I'd so envied her and it turns out she'd lost a little one too. So, so sad.

will you stop it!!

u know we dont thin kthat

Sorry

But I am PMSL at the sapling.........

B99 you are so funny, even in the face of adversity.

Lady, you got balls.

Wouldn't that make her Bauble99?

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

i giggled at the tree bit too.

are you doing anything like that bubble? if anything happened to my dh (and it wont, positive thoughts and all that) i want to have something planted to remember him by. but then i'd probably kill it

Or, as I'm BF, I could be Booby99.

It is a beautiful idea and I am sure that as he grows older and hears about his twin he will appreciate that you did that for them. It will be like he always has his brother with him.

TwoIfBySea. Thanks.

bubble, just wanted to add my voice to the hundreds to say I think that's a lovely idea to give Elijah his brother's name as a middle name - really beautiful.

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but my response to the initial post is - Perfect.

Watching Psychomum's DS1, he does seem to miss his twin, even though they didn't have a full pregnancy (eptopic twin) - having him with him always in name will be so special.

xxxx

I think it will come to mean a huge amount to him, bubble. The greatest gift you can give Elijah is an awareness of Bo. I know a dear little boy whose parents have chosen not to tell him about his stillborn twin. I respect their reasons obviously but he always seems to me a little lost in life and I have wondered if this is because he knows something is missing, but cannot tell what
What I am trying to say is that Elijah may well be sad whether or not you tell him about Bo. It will be a shared, informed sadness at least.
Ds knows about Tom, who died when ds was just three, and I feel dreadful about that at times, but we could not keep it from him and now at least we talk openly about Tom. He is not left wondering whether something that makes his parents a bit sad sometimes could ever have been his fault etc.

Marina, I saw our friend last week whose baby died recently and her dd (nearly 5) said (when I was talking about him) "Don't talk about baby xxx" and I said "Why?" she said "It makes mummy sad". My dd1 had drawn a lovely picture with the baby tucked underneath a glitter cloud - he was smiling, sitting next to God who was also v happy (they deal with this in their own sweet way!)

You are so right about wondering whether they blame themselves/try to protect adults from yet more sadness, but like you I think the upfront approach is best.

Love Elijah's name, btw, Bubble!

Bubble, just another voice to say what a gorgeous idea I think it would be to give Eljah Bo's name. I think it's a lovely way to keep the boys close.

And - this is probably going to come out wrong and rather crass but - none of your posts, not one, have ever been doom and gloom. Not even at the most difficult and wrenching moments. I know I'm speaking for a lot of us when I say I'm always pleased to see your name, no matter what the subject, and that I think you're really quite astonishing sometimes. So none of this silly talk about boring us, hey?

Bubble I think it's a beautiful idea; something for Elijah to keep forever, which is the way it should be. You are an amazing woman, so eloquent about what is so deeply painful for you. In your shoes I just could not have coped.
When you have time, could you please post a little about what little Elijah is doing?

I think he will be proud to have his twin's name.

You have been and are still going through a traumatic time. Give yourself time. Grief is like that - it catches up with you at the most unexpected times and over the most unexpected things.

You are allowed to rant - what happened was not fair and should not have to happen to anyone.

lovely
i also saw a teddy recently caled bo and though of you
would you like the link?

Beautiful idea bubble.

I asked my mum what she thought. Her twin was lost early in the pregnancy and she didn't know about it til adulthood, although she has always had a sense of something missing. She says she would have been proud to have her name and thinks it is a lovely think to do.