Contorversial BUT I've got to ask and would like to discuss

[PooPooGirl]

Why do people in extremely volatile, violent and abusive relationships want and try to bring children into it?

Having been in two violant relatiomships when I was younger, I can honestly say that I would never have wanted to bring children into that relationship. It is one thing to suffer or thrive in a volatile relationship it is entirely another to inflict that on an innocent - isn't it?

I thought that there was staistical proof that children from violent or abusive relationships end up in similar situations as adults. If this is the case why would you want to give your children that start in life?

I understand that often abuse escalates after chidren, or that people put a one off behind them that then becomes a regular thing but I don't really understand those that are knowingly bringing innocent children into the equation.

Why does it happen and could it be deemed as child abuse? discuss..

Took police 3 attempts to get him out. He stayed with a fantastic foster mother for a year and we offered to take him if needed but we are in Spain and although not impossible it was complicated especially after I recieved death threats. Sil gave the domestic violence victim story and managed to pull wool over social services eyes. This may sound harsh but I know her. We were absolutely powerless to do anything, she turned witness against the scum bag and basically wasnt prosecuted. In their wisdom, social services gave dn back, so its only a matter of time before we get a call that it's happened again or he is dead. Ive got to go and pick dd up now, thankyou for letting me vent my spleen as I cant talk about this with family as it caused lots of arguemnts as parents were against us having him because of dd and it is too painful for dh as its his lunatic sister.

errr...cause mentally depressed people don't think straight? because they have no perspective. because we can all be irrational even if we are in stable relationships and not depressed let alone when we are.

find this question incredibly...don't know how to word this politely so will say ignorant.

i think that women that are in abusive relationships often have mental health issues....not least of which is a massive need for unconditional love but no sense that they deserve such. easy to see how a woman that felt that way might feel that a baby would give her what she needed so badly. or that she might feel that like has been posted it would make the relationship better. or give her the strength to leave.

tbh, getting pregnant and having a baby is not a rational decision is it? given the population problem and the future we are leaving for our kids, if any of us thought about it twice we wouldn't do it.

it is a selfish, irrational, emotional decision. and put in that context, i fail to see how you might think that a person that was in an abusive relationship would somehow be more rational than most?

i agree that it is sad in the extreme to expose children to violence.

but don't see that women in violent relationships should be in a position where they are condemned for having a baby. in that case women how have baby's when they don't love their husband should be condemned, women that have babies when their health or that of their partners isn't great shouldn't have babies etc etc etc etc....

Lucy, that is absolutely horrific. I know how difficult it is when a member of your family is being abused - but for them to encourage the abuse of their children is absolutely disgusting...I can't imagine what I would have done in that situation and feel for you and your family.

That poor boy It makes me soooo sad when I hear about these things. I wept for days and days over Victoria Climbie - but it just seems to go on and on.

Message withdrawn

I know, nothing seems to have been learnt, its awful when you are powerless. We have had dn live with us before when sil was in a psychiatric unit and alot of the problems stem from there. She has become obsessed that im after her child and did nt come to us for help this time. When she was having her breakdown she thought I was pregnant with her son. Its all very strange but I think some of the things that she thought when she was ill, she actually believes. how social services couldnt see it, I just dont know. The latest is that she is going to be a lap dancer or naked cleaner. I hear the odd rumour but all contact has been cut which social services promised they would not let happen, now they say she is the mother and wont tell me anything about dn.

outofmydeppth - sorry
clearly pi$$ed you off somewhere along the line..
didn?t realise it was a habit I was forming.
If you are referring to my comment about your thread about mumsnet being cliquey, perhaps you should look again. If my short post was irritating and "sounding off" shows from numerous other posts that I wasn?t that alone in my thinking...By the way, I wasn?t having a bad day or taking it out on anyone then - your thread did seem like rehashing old over discussed ground rife for pointless arguments and I have a right to say so - don?t I?
I know I jumped the gun on this topic but it did hit a nerve and I apologised? why did you feel the need to have an extra little pop at me?