this will sound awful pls don't hate me

[hidingbehindaname]

Hello, I have a son who is 14 months old. I have been dipping into this site and using the archives for many things and it has been a great form of reference for me.

I have been very shy and hung back seeing all the diiferent characters here, not contributing as such, until now. have used a name that I won't use in the future as I am too much of a coward to post real name.

Just wanted to share my thoughts really. My DS is a very challenging baby, always was and still is. I just get a little drained with peope askign me what is wrong with him all the time -
blaming, colic at first, wind, then teething, him being tired, perhaps hungry. I gues in the space of the last month or so I have had several people remark:
"I don't think I've ever seen your baby happy"
"he is a grump isn't he?"

even the nursery staff have said the following in front of me

"Oh there goes protesting again"
"Moaning again what a surprise"

etc. Sorry to ramble on but I have done so much tomake sure that my son is happy, fed , watered, stimulated and at times have felt I get not much in return. he seems very uncomfortable around other children and adults, very introverted, moody. I find him lately a real puzzle as it seems to be quite a challenge.

Anyway, my DH really wants another baby and terrible as this may sound the thought of another child who is as much hard work as mine makes me freeze rigid.

Please don't misunderstand me and attack me feeling this way. My DS is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have known no love like the feeling I have for him and know I would defend and protect him with every last breath in my body.

I really think I couldn't have another, at times I even feel resentful that he won't give me a break, play nicely with other children or even have regular naps when he should.

Think I have rambled enough.
and sorry for the typos, needed to rush this out.

hi stitch, not expecting tv ads, just 1 week, no maybe one day where he won't try in a 30 minute period. I;ve had nearly 15 months of it and it feels a little tense.

You think he sounds normal? Well if that is the case, there are MANY abnormal babies that I know of round here, very quiet placid ones

thanks Trefusis.
He has not had dairy since he was 9 weeks old. he is lactose intolerant but has none in his diet.

I had 3 of my own and now have my GS to care for.

DD1 was my first and she was a total grumpy arse from day one up to being about 20 (turned out great now though). If I had waited to have another one - I would have her and a three year old by now.
DD2 was very easy going and is making up for it now (she's 20) with the situation with GS (her son).
DS is 15 and apart from the odd teenage grump is brilliant.
GS is 2 1/2 and fab (even with terrible two tantrums.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that they are all different, but at the same time ... don't be pressured into doing anything that you don't want to (IYSWIM)you've got years ahead of you

well that's good to hear.

I think when I'm actually in the moment and DS is having a bad spell it's not easy to project oneself a few months/year into the future.

Hiding
I'm not exactly a spring chicken myself, but don't feel pressured into getting pregnant! Oh, man, that'd be the worst. It's such a personal decision. We waited till DD was 18 months to even start trying - knowing it took a while to conceive DD. DD is a very 'easy' baby and contented child, but she had a traumatic birth and I had severe PND.

Give yourself some time, hun!

Haven't had time to read the whole thread, but just wanted to say that many 'challenging' babies and young toddlers do change and grow into happy, contented children. I've seen this happen with a friend's child

hmc is right. And edam said the same - grouchy babies and toddlers can "grow" into their innate character and suddenly become much better able to interact with their surroundings and other folk. I have seen this happen with a child we know well who was frankly very hard work as a baby, her poor mother was frazzled. Like your ds she was clearly bright but fretful much of the time. She is now a gorgeous, bright, alert, sensitive but friendly and HAPPY six year old. Cranial osteopathy had no effect on her either, I don't think it always works.
I feally feel for you, hiding. Everyone has moments of finding their baby/toddler HEAVY GOING and it is bad luck when yours does this more than seemingly most other babies.
But he will grow out of it.

Hi Hiding,
DD was another of those angsty, screamy babies and I found every minute fairly exhausting/unrewarding until she started walking/talking, at which point her frustrations dropped away and she turned into a regular charmer (as she remains today). As others have said, some babies just seem dissatisfied with babyhood.
I remember when she was around 2 saying to a friend that I couldn't bear to think about starting over with a new baby, it had been so bloody hard (DD used to actively resist cuddles as a baby, and push us away: people used to comment on this in surprise ). Anyway, we did not want her to be an only child, so we bit the bullet and DS is astonishingly easy and happy. Much better to have a tough no1 and an jolly no2 than the other way around (I don't know anyone who has had more than one toughie, either...)
Don't rush into it, though. You need to get to the OK bit first and it will come to allow you to get your breath back.

Hi hiding, as you can see you're not alone. In fact i think even the mums with very placid babies feel like this sometimes. I certainly feel desperate sometimes with my 13 mth dd and even though she is a generally happy child, people STILL make comments about her being so serious, just because she doesn't choose to smile at THEM.

It sounds like you have a far from easy baby, do you ever manage to get some time to yourself? It sounds like you are pretty burnt out now. Does your dh know how you are feeling?

So glad you were able to post on here and find that your feelings are nothing to feel guilty about.

I am quite gobsmacked at these replies; the number of them and their tone. Didn't expect so many of you to have or know similar babies.

I manage to get time to myself twice a week when I leave DS in a nursery for two hours at a time. It is a relief in one way and just so nerve wracking in another as he clings onto me and screams and doesn't stop whilst I am running out of the door. He isn't crying when I come to collect him, unless I don't pick him up straight away, so he must be content in the time that I am gone.

I have explained to my DH how I feel and he is very caring and understanding but it's hard hearing my husband moan about our son to anyone who'll listen. I tell him not to do it and that it isn't fair on him(DS)and we just have to accept his demeanour as part of his character, which lately has fallen on deaf ears.

It just grates me to hear him say - "he's doing the usually whining/not well, as per usual- "It just makes me feel like I have failed as a mum, as my baby should be happy if I am a good mum.

Perhaps this is the root of it (reading that last bit back) Maybe I am a little fed up to hear him talk so negatively about his son then tell me he wants another as soon as poss.