Isn't it strange how you canthink everythings okay, have a kind of normal day and then something so simple can make you feel such turmoil and desperation. Just watched coldplay never been a massive fan, at the end of the set was a song that just reduced me to tears. I want someone to @fix me' as was the title of the song. My life is full of everything and nothing, I have so much love but feel so empty. I don't want him, he has no respect for me but I can't imagine life without him. I can't imagine sharing my kids with noone or anyone else, but how i want to be free of the misery he has brought to me. There is no way out, no conceivable way that things can ever get any better, if he could be the person i know he can be then at least i could feel some sort of salvation. But I am unrealistic, i know it, he won't change, he has had enough chances, but i won't leave, can't leave and feel so desperately unhappy and mournful for the person i once was. the person that my friends think i am, the charade that is my life. To feel empty and alone when surrounded by so many people is scarey, to not be able to reach out and share how you feel for fear of life changing in a way thatyou both want and don't want. i want to scream i want to shout, but most of all i want to be me.Without feeling like everything i do is wrong, i know it isn't but i make him so unhappy, i can't do enough, yet i do so much. Stuck in this situation with so much to be grateful for but underneath so sad, desperate and alone. Self indulgent drivel, don't feel the need to respond, wanted to shout and be heard.