Was I abused?

[Wantobeanon]

This is something that has been bugging me and I want to ask what others think and remain anon. I don't want to bring it up with people I know even though my family all do know.

Basically when I was 15 I used to go and stay with my dads ex partner (my sister and brothers were there as well). We got along well and I did live with her and my dad for a few years, so I liked to stay each week.

She had a new BF and I got on well with him. At a new years party, he started coming on to me. My step mum (as I shall call her) had already gone to bed and the party was over. It was me, him, his friend and my cousin up still. His friend and my cousin were playing on the PS and sat in front of the tv and me and him were on the sofa. Basically he was trying to feel me up and I was putting my arm in the way but he was really persistant. I was very naive and didn't want to make a fuss so I just sat there. Later me and my cousin were about to go up to bed when he asked me to go in the kitchen, so I did. He kissed me and I really didn't know what to do so I kissed him back, then his hands were wandering and I ran upstairs. This happened on another 2 occasions and I stopped going up there. He told me he really liked me and wanted to sleep with me. I told him I didn't like him like that and he had to stop. Then I just stopped going there. Obviously it all came out after a couple of months. I had to make a statement etc but decided not to go ahead when my cousin said that she saw me kiss him when she was watching through the glass panel above the kitchen door (he said come here and I walked over to him, not knowing why he wanted me to come over, yes I was a bit dim).

Basically my friends at the time all knew and I thought it was abuse but I have always had a niggling thought in the back of my mind that says it wasn't as I was 15 and not a young child and I shoudl have known better than to just sit there (frozen) and let him touch me and I also touched him as he asked me to.

It was scary and I haven't celebrated new year since because of it and I am shaking now when I am thinking about the details which I try to suppress, but am I making a bigger deal out of than it really was?

I would really like some advice. And sorry about the details.

This was assault. You were 15 and therefore still legally a minor so it was abuse. It's irrelevant whether you kissed him back or not, he was in a position of trust and you should have been able to trust him. It was a horrible thing to happen to you, it doesn't matter whether you were 15 or 5, this man was in a position of trust and you should never have been treated this way. You have options as to what you would like to happen now. You can either do nothing, you can go to your GP and request counselling or you can contact the police.

You have asked for help on here, it's a very brave thing to do and it's a sign that you are ready to confront this. You should be really proud that you have taken this step, it must be really hard for you.

Yes it was abuse.

When I was 17 I was on an overnight bus from London to Scotland with a couple of friends. The bus was full so my friends sat behind me and I sat next to an old man who was travelling with his daughter (in her 50s).

All night that old man tried to feel me up and I squeezed myself into about a quarter of the seat so as not to touch him and get as far away from him as I could (was window seat).

I didn't tell him to stop, I didn't shout "you dirty old man", I didn't get up and insist on changing seats. I just sat all night hoping it would go away. Yuck, horrid.

I was older than you and I think I was assaulted. That man knew I was young, relied on me to be silent, relied on me being embarrassed, confused etc, etc.

The man who took advantage of you played the same game and you were only 15. Shame on him.

Yes, it was abuse and he was banking on you being too young to tell him to get lost.

This is why men prey on young women, if you had made any sort of fuss he would have accused you of "leading him on".

Men like that are creeps.

I hope you are OK op.

Yeah I'm fine thanks. This all happened many years ago but this time of year brings it back. It did all go to the police, the school told them but after I made a statement, I didn't take it further as I was afraid how I would look.

I'm just sooooo relieved that it wasn't me who should have known better.

Shona, thats exactly what I was doing too, so yes that would make it assult. How awful for you.

This may be the first year I am actually going to celebrate New Year! Big step for me.

You can get counselling via your GP if you want it, it may be able to help.

Happy New Year, Wantobeanon < hugs >

Fluffy, I had counselling after it happened for that and others things. I also had counselling again for the others things a few years ago. It did help but I think it has had a big impact on my (non existant) sex life. I asked my GP for sexual counselling but she just gave me other advice without asking why I wanted it. I'm going to ask again.

AnyFucker, thanks!

Good for you!