Help!Stuck in enormous rut, turning into dull, lardy, depressed loon!

[libelule]

I am stuck in an enormous rut and turning into a lardy, depressed and dull loon. I have NO energy after the kids have gone to bed - all I do is sit sit sit sit and I do not like it not one little bit. I have a p-t job, which I love, and which is freelance, so I could work in the evenings as well, but I don't. I sit and watch sh* TV, which is ok for starters but immensely depressing after a while. I can feel myself getting fatter. My dh is often out or away - but even when he's in and offers to babysit for me to go swimming or something - not a lot, but sometimes, I just can't be ar*d. I am aware that the fact that we are new to this area is a factor - no support, no babysitters unless we haul in professionals - but I am finding my inner resistance/lack of va va voom the biggest hurdle to getting out of this rut. Needless to say, there was a time when I was somewhat different - out a lot, confident, exercising. I'm scared at how quickly I am losing my confidence and becoming like one of those women you see you Jerry Springer. ANyone have any tips for regaining va va voom? I also think it's impacting on the kids. Thank you.

No tips but I know exactly how you feel!

again no tips...but was only saying this evening to dh that i was feeling very similar!!

Go out once a week whether you want to or not, without dp...even if you think you have no energy for it. Eventually you will enjoy it!
Make forward plans and set targets...
I think this is a common way to feel when you have children - I felt a bit the same for a while too

And also go out once a week WITH dp and pay a babysitter if necessary

I have a friend who said that if she EVER didn't so something because she was too tired she would never do anything ever again! I find that doing stuff even if I don't feel like it gives me the energy to do more - oposite of a vicious circle? Just a thought tho (and I hope I'm not speaking out of turn) - have you ruled out (post natal) depression? Best of luck

libelule, how old are your children?

Definitely know what you mean - I am doing the exact same thing. Don't rule out postnatal depresison as it has a habit of creeping up on you in exactly this way. Apart from chemical methods (and I mean prescribed antidpressants!) I find that if I set myself something small to achieve once or twice a week, then its not too much effort to achieve it and I don;t feel frustrated that I am not doing all the things I used to love (and have the energy for). Like, say, going to a parent and baby group, cooking something nice for dinner just once in a while, even going on mumsnet or surfing the web for a bit. Although I am not new to my area I don;t know many people with babies (mine is 8 months old) and most of my friends live away from the area so I don;t see them very often. For me, getting out and meeting new people is a feat in itself, but I make myself do it so that I know that I have at least tried, but yes I do appreciate all of your concerns about the way you feel you are becoming - its very real and very scary when you notice such changes in your physical and mental energy levels.
Hope this helps you to feel you are not alone!
Moomicat

I try to achieve something each day too. Im my case, it's something practical/creative since that's what I enjoy. I've been putting up shelves etc and today I painted the oitside of DSs playhouse.

cowboy biscuits?

oooh if you find the answer post it on here libelule cos i feel just the same!!! is it old age i ask myself ? pipe n slippers syndrome?? are the kids really so exhausting? I find it helps me if i count the things i have managed to do rather than the things i haven't.
The best medicine i had was a holiday to Prague a year ago with all my girlfriends - no kids n no blokes for a whole week- wow! I didn't realise how much energy i do have; it's just that at home we all spend it on other people instead of ourselves. I read in a mag that each hour you should spend a 'power minute' doing something for you - sometimes its hard even to find a minute.
Take care of you too.

Libelule, I could have written that post too, word for word, but I didn't have the brain power left to compose the thoughts! Even if it's not real Prozac territory, I reckon some anti-depression strategies might help. One suggestion-Exercise is just as important in this situation as getting the meals, washing, sleeping. Is there a leisure center or a gym with babysitting anywhere around? This is the lifesaver for me, 3 x most weeks, I hated it at first but now I look forward to it after 6 weeks grimly sticking at it. It changes my mood for the rest of the day, and I feel less tired and defeated. The place is full of mums and older people in the same boat! Give yourself credit for trying to do something, you've already started by asking for support here.

thanks everyone! I don't think it's PND unless extremely late onset as my youngest dd is 2! Plus I think the external factors - new area, new life, invisible dp,etc - are the main triggers. Yup, you are all right, I need to get off my lardy arse and do some exercise. Yup. Yup. It's the getting started that is sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. I'm spending all my energy being nice to all the mothers in the village so that my daughters get some friends! I am also terrified that once I start getting some "me" time (vile phrase) I will completely neglect the kids because all my needs and desires will surface violently! But once I have found a regular babysitter I will definitely seek out some kind of physical outlet. The scariest thing is that I'm just not like this, I'm creative, energetic. I was! Honest. I think motherhood is f hard sometimes!

call me old fashioned codswallop but I have never heard of cowboy biscuits. Is it a eupheumism for some kind of young person's stimulant?

Yours from the zimmer frame
libelule

I got dreaded D word - ie exhaustion and my ds was 18 months. I had no energy, was going to bed about 20 minutes after the kids and couldn't be bothered to keep up with friends, my weight also began to bother me, and because I didn't want to neglet my children I used all the energy I had into being resonable (to them), making sure we went out every day etc. Probably could have continued on and eventually got out of rut but dh had really terrible time at work and also got the d word(!) so I had to cope with that and in the end dragged myself to the health visitor.
Depression can happen any time and it seems that 18 months to 2.5 years is common because its the time when you start thinking you should be able to cope with everything, should perhaps sort out money, get a job etc.

My advice would be to go and see your health visitor because that is what they are there for, she may come and talk to you once a week like mine did, or suggest mum's exercise classes at the hospital or really popular baby groups. The HVs are they to look after us as well as the children until the kids are about five so use the resource, it was really nice for me to talk to someone who was on my side but impartial.

It is really easy to say so in hindsight but I can see that it was a vicoius circle for me, no energy so didn't do anything so felt like doing less and getting used to having too much sleep (bad quality though as all early nights and dozing during Noddy but still having disturbed sleep)

My situation is now changed , I have a part time job that involves about 45 mins walking around briskly and I think that was my saviour as I couldn't not do it, also we have more money and so that is one less worry.

I hope this helps you as reading your "letter" was like reading something I could have written.

I've never heard of cowboy biscuits either!!

And hey for exercise i have got my bike out of the cobwebs and put a babyseat on the back....starting to use it more.

I'm on the prosac too!

old age it's brill! not! Try reading 'the Hay Diet' - it's all about getting your body running well and getting your energy back.
Its a comfort to know there are other mums out there who feel the same!

I find that going swimming is a great way to unwind, relax, chillout and get fit. It is also very sociable if you can go at the same time of day, as you tend to see the same people. I have made a couple of good friends there, and have such a laugh, I couldn't live without it now. And its cheap too!

I'm a fan of swimming too; and I totally agree that the anti-depression strategy is the right tack to take.

Also, about your job; I'm freelance as well. And I don't work in the evenings except in real emergencies. I don't see why I should, and quite frankly I'm too knackered - I did originally assume I would work some evenings and my partner actually asked me why I was thinking about it, and he was right. I find that for me, having set hours when I work (I do four days a week, 8am to 4.30)sets me some clear limits - and stops me feeling that I 'should' be doing stuff in the evening.

You won't neglect the kids. Honestly.

And also - what do you like being creative with? Are there any options in the area?

(Mind you, you should see me. I'm knackered after, well, getting up at the moment. I know I'm vastly pregnant, but I was dreadfully like this before - you know, I think the worst bit of parenthood is losing the will to want to do things. Seriously!)

I treated myself to a really good haircut when ds was 5 months old. It made a big difference to my mood!