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Does anyone else just not fit in?

39 replies

lunavix · 21/06/2005 14:28

When I was younger I had piercings etc, but never fit in with the 'alternative' crowd for various reasons, mainly being I'm not cool, not highly artistic or articulate, and just generally am two steps behind!

As a parent, I had to lose the piercings and such, as I wanted to fit in locally (where we moved) so that I wasn't really depriving ds in meeting other children his age. Sadly, still not fitting in (am far too 'young' and 'alternative' for the group, "glastonbury! gosh! We're getting a new conservatory this weekend....")

Does this happen to anyone else? DH and I only ahve a few close friends, who live away from us, and we are really struggling to make any more.

OP posts:
Titania · 22/06/2005 12:52

yep i dont fit in around here. All the mums are older and there are definate groups that hang around together and wont accept newbies. I have been to toddler groups only to be left sat in the corner and excluded from conversations and arrangements for other meet ups. DH and I dont have any mutual friends or even friends of our own. I don't feel as though I 'belong' around here. There is nothing to do. They have even just closed the swimming pool cos theres not enough money to keep it open. There is nowhere to meet people.

QueenEagle · 22/06/2005 12:59

I don't try to fit in anymore. Time was when I thought it was important to. Nowadays I am far more chilled about doing what pleases me and my family without worrying what others might think of me.

People's anxiety about (not) fitting in comes from having low self-esteem, that I am sure of as it's how I was when I was younger. As I've got older and experienced life a bit, I am more confident than I've ever been and I feel much more at ease with myself and the decisions I make for me and mine.

BarbaraX · 22/06/2005 13:35

Lunavix,

When I was younger, I was into punk music and anarchism and had piercings and tattoos. I have changed my ways, got to uny and got a proper job. now I wear long sleeves to hide my tattos (only at work) and the facial piercings have all gone. I am also a Single parent, divoresed from an ex-con, and I grew up in italy. so i do not fit now very much anywhere. well there is very little I can share about my esperiences and views in normal office chit chat, due to the lack of people with similar wild past. all i can talk is about TV, kids and the news (only frivolous news, better keep out of the politics)

I am also estranged by old crowed due to mny change of lifestyle and having a kid

I have made a couple of new good friends at uny completely different from me so I fitted in with them as we were misfits for differetn reasons. but now we cannnot see much of each other though

HappyDaddy · 22/06/2005 13:42

Who wants to fit in? The in crowd is so boring.

lunavix · 22/06/2005 13:47

Happydaddy the crowd might seem boring if you are in it! If you aren't in any sort of crowd then making friends is nigh on impossible. And I miss having grown ups around...

OP posts:
Donbean · 22/06/2005 13:50

I have tons of friends, not boasting here at all because there is only a very very few that i feel completely relaxed and at ease with.
I wouldnt describe these people as aquantences because i do have a bond and good friendship with them.
I would say that possibly 4 of them i can kick my shoes off in their homes (and them in mine) put my feet up on the sofa and just let the conversation flow, without worrying am i saying the right thing, am i offending them, what shall i say next,what must they think of me????????? paraniod paranoid lunatic that i am!
There are people coming and going in my house every day, the door is never locked, people just walk in and no one ever knocks...that is how we like it, an open house. So we do try.
I cant help feeling that i only fit in because my DH is so popular and every one loves him therefore they have got to like me too (or put up with me!)
I think that allot actually.

Donbean · 22/06/2005 13:52

I suppose my question (to add on) is what do you mean by fit in?
Do you mean as i describe, feeling completely at ease with some one or part of a large crowd of people who you can relate to.

SPARKLER1 · 22/06/2005 13:54

Lunavix - I wanna go to Glastonbury. No tickets left. . You sound cool to me chuck! x

HappyDaddy · 22/06/2005 13:54

Lunavix, real friends don't care what you look like, how you speak, what you have or haven't done in your life.

Be yourself and love yourself for it, people will notice and want to be part of your gang.

lunavix · 22/06/2005 14:07

donbean - either tbh. DH has two best friends from university, they are always welcome in our house, we try to see them as much as possible.. etc etc. He also has two close friends from school who are semi-local to us (can pop in occassionally) we aren't as close to them but they are friends. He has a lot of 'aquaintances' and friends like that at uni, but only for him to see at uni iyswim.

I moved from the county I grew up in, to australia when I was 12. Had some very good friends here but was excited to move. Changed schools 3 times till I left at 17, made some close friends but would then change schools and lose contact. Had a best friend but found out she was busy trying to nab my boyfriend grrr and as I moved back to the UK shortly after that I lost contact with her too. I feel like I have nothing friend-wise to show for 6 years in another country. I still keep in contact (email wise) with one or two people but it's not close at all.

When I moved back here I got back in contact with my best friend from school, we still see each other (she was a big part at our wedding) but she travels a lot, and tbh we aren't that close any more though we pretend to be. We are very different, she has friends she is closer to, and occassionally proves this (for example, by betraying a confidence of mine to them.)

Then dh and I moved, and I started work and made some friends. Got pregnant and suddenly really didn't fit in as they were all care-free and got drunk every night of the week (not that I wanted to!)

Dh and I have moved twice since, and where we are now we're trying to fit in with local 'young parents' but they are all very clique-y. We have nothing in common (half are chav-benefits-onenight standy type people - sorry to stereotype but I hope someone knows what I mean - and the other half have been together years and just see their close local friends and family, and worry about conservatories and council houses.) we have been trying so hard but dh does not fit in at all with the men, and while I've got to know some of the girls, I couldn't call them friends.
Ironically, I have got closer to the girlfriend of one of dh's best friends, which has been fab and I love her to bits. Only she met my best friend, and now neither of them bother with me, and just go out together as they live local to each other.

I definately don't even fit in on MN! I'm definately not part of a clique and sadly couldn't say I've made any 'friends' even though I love my time on here (and I have a lot of it!)

So... by the start of next year we are probably moving again. DH will have graduated, and is looking for a good job, which won't be around here. He wants to move further up north, so we can afford to buy a house, and hopefully afford to live in an area where we can send ds to a good school. So I guess this will all happen again...

OP posts:
lunavix · 22/06/2005 14:10

HD - I know. But where exactly do you go to meet these people? I don't think I'm good enough for them tbh.

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/06/2005 15:37

but lunavix your my bestest mnet friend. and i want to be invited to your "ive got a new conservatory" bash. as my new best friend you have to put me up and get drunk with me at the doo that you organise

Donbean · 22/06/2005 16:12

i dont particularly fit in on here either but it doesnt bother me much.
I pop in and post, no one replies or takes much notice but thats fine, its as anonymous as you can get.
Im just happy to get drawn into interesting topics and have a good think about stuff.Get loads of views and read what experiences other people have.
Like you i do enjoy my time on here,from me you will always recieve a reply and i am always happy to chat to you when im around.
I think that probably goes for all of the other people who have posted saying that they feel the same as you.

fostermum · 22/06/2005 16:33

i never have and never will,in too laid back for some not rich enough for other, not posh enough for husbands friend,and guess what i dont give a damn!im me my house is always open to any one colour ,creed, sexuality no problem i take the old the young the rejects(not my word)of socioty and treat them all the same, its taken me 45 years to work out who i am so i dont care if i dont fit into peoples lables

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