My dp has just been diagnosed with cancer. We don't know yet how far it has advanced until he has further tests, but going by his symptoms we now know he's had it for quite a while. We're both devastated. If its not advanced to lymph nodes then good chance of cure but if its affected his nodes then prognosis not so good. The waiting and not knowing is driving me mad, and I pray that he'll get through this.
So much is going through my mind at the moment, but I can't get past the worry of what will happen to my ds if we're both not around anymore. I have a heart condition which is currently being managed with drugs, but unfortunatly there is a chance that my heart can go into an arrythmia which can lead to sudden death. I don't want to sound melodramatic but this condition is the biggest cause of sudden death for people between 12 - 35. Mortality is estimated at 6% a year, and when you work that out over say 5 years, at least a fifth have died from it. Before I've always had the reassurance that if anything did happen to me then at least my dp, ds's dad will look after ds. But now I'm panic stricken with the thought of my ds being alone.
To make matters worse, my ds has been diagnosed with a high functioning autism, he's a charming intelligent sensitive 5 year old but he does have many difficulties regarding his social skills, and comprehending the intention of others. This often leads to problems forming peer friendships although he triss as best he can. He also has a 50% chance of developing my condition.
So really what I need to know is what happens to children who lose both their parents? Do they automatically go to a childrens home, or fostered, perhaps adopted. I appreciate that all cases are different but I can't get my head out of imaging my ds in a noisy childrens home which would be his worst nightmare. Going from foster home to foster home would be equally as painful for him because the constant upheaval would leave him incredibly stressed. His autism would make this unbearable for him.
On the other hand it could all turn out great. My dp could get over this, I might live to a good old age, and we'd all be happy but I just feel I need to make some arrangements, but how the hell can I do that when I don't know if or when this will happen. It could be a few years down the road, but I just can't sit back, and just hope that it will all be alright. I am a constant worrier. Unfortunatley both sides of our family would be unable to bring him into their home, and what potential adoptive parent would take on an HFA, who has the possibility of a heart condition.
Where do I go from here, does anyone have any experience of childrens homes/adoption/fostering? Sorry if this all sounds abit too much, but my dp doesn't want me to tell others about his illness until he knows what the prognosis is, and also because of where the cancer is. So I've had no one to talk to.