hi tvi. you sound like where I was about 4 months ago. Identify with all the things you mention. I really wanted to give up work, which was just a job-definately had been mommy tracked. Various events conspired to make it justifiable on a practical level. Technically do still have a job but have nearly a year's ML, and mass redundancies mean I may not get to go back anyway.
I actually think being a sahm is really hard work, but if you work at it, it becomes worth it. A lot of the work is psychological. You have to accept that you are being fed contradictory messages by society (you should stay at home-stay at home mums aren't very interesting and can only talk about kids...etc). And sometimes I wonder, should I be going out to work and paying taxes? I mean, I use far more taxpayers money than a lot of taxpayer (libraries, buses, etc), yet don't pay much tax apart from VAT. (pay lots of that!). Is staying at home, when there ARE perfectly good nurseries, just a huge indulgance? If you have any feminist training then you will not be able to cross the kitchen without having several crises!
Oh, btw, in practical terms if you became a sahm you would truly work your ass off! Some of this would be physical, for me a lot is about seeing what is needed by ds, and trying to do this. In my case-slowing down. I don't do much ironing, I do activities that he can participate in but also try not to be constantly playing with him. Thats actually quite hard, day after day after day. There's little variation. And no sick days ever. And, personally, I never get time to iron. And I agree the friends with kids thing doesn't get done, the thing is, 4 months on I still have very few friends with kids. I think most of these friendships are formed in the early few months, when, in my case, I was back at work.Also-when you have friends with kids, they often want to talk about the kids and I find that mind-numbing after a while (while doing exactly the same myself!). Gym classes etc are great but expect to meet Competative Mummies .
I work with benefits claimaints btw (charitable advice agency, benefits are my specialist area) so have been staying off the recent benefits thread! I'm 38 wks pg, can't do controversial right now! It does annoy me a bit though that childcare is subsidised and in many cases paid for mostly through tax credits (both a good thing) BUT that SAHM get very little in the way of financial support. I'd prefer to see a childcare allowance which could then be paid to either a nursery/carer or kept by the parents to enable them to stay at home. (and I can't see I'd get this unless it was not means tested btw). And it should be paid to the mother, because the lack of financial independence is a practial and pscyhological problem.