Breastfeeding Toddlers

[Weezer]

I'm still breastfeeding my 23 month old daughter and am feeling very conflicted about it. I've been back to work since she was 6 months old and at that time trained her to drink formula from a bottle when I wasn't around. I continued to breastfeed her first thing in the mornings and sometimes before bed. When I was able to be home with her in the day she would request to be breasfed several times a day. That was fine with me for the first year but then she started refusing any milk except for mine, just when I was getting ready to give up the breastfeeding as well. She is still (at almost 2) as passionate and insistant as ever about the breast. I've been through periods of feeling quite depressed about still not having my body back. But I don't know how to stop. I feel I don't have the energy or the resolve to go through the hell she will give me. And I think that the breastfeeding itself is probably contributing to my lack of energy. A vicious cycle. Discussions with a La Leche Leage cousellor only left me feeling more conflicted as she suggested that I breastfeed for as long as my child felt she needed it. How many of you are breasfeeding older children, for how long and how do you feel about it?

I think Eulalia would be a useful person to talk to about this But from my own experience my Mum fed my sister til she was nearly three and eventually she made the decision to stop, not my sister. As you can guess this was met with anger and distress by my sister. She said to her that mummy was sore and that she couldn't give her a feed. Puzzled and confused by this my sister did finally accept it on about the third night, but it was horrible for both my Mum and sister until then. I'm sorry these are not words of reassurance really as my Mum had such mixed feelings as yourself (if you are wondering how I know this my little sis is only 7, I was 18 when she was born!)but I think she was ready when she accepted that she would make the break and put up with the subsequent hell for a few days... Good luck with whatever decision you make and it might be a lot easier for you, I stopped at 12 months without a hitch - except for the fact that I wish I was still b/feeding now - you can't win!!

I'm still breast feeding several times a day Weezer and my son is 14 months and like you I worry about how I'm going to stop. I suppose I will just have to decide and stop but I know that this will cause my son a great deal of distress and as a result me. I would love to stop and have been trying to whittle the feeds down to just one before bedtime but Tom simply refuses to drink milk from a cup and becomes beside himself if I try to deny him a feed. This can make the day really hard so usually I give in. I would love my body back especially as I think it is having an effect on my sex life and I know that my partner doen't think that I'm doing the right thing by continuing. However my son is so attached to his breastfeeds that I think I should continue and hope that he will decide to give up himself. Does anyone have any wisdom on this?

I'm still breast feeding my 17 month old son just once a day (or should I say night).He is definatley(sp!!!) my last and I think I'm clinging onto it as much as him.Ifed the other three for just one year and they all stopped of their own accord.
I have had times when it all felt too much and then it would settle down and I would feel ok again.Now once a night feels good and very helpful when teeth are sore.
Weezer, maybe if you made a decision to just cut it right down to once a day you might find that it is not quite so overwhelming and you feel stronger,physically,to then make a more rational
decision, and also it wouldn't be quite so upsetting for your daughter.I have found that very quickly they accept a new routine and after a day or two they won't take it at any other time even if you want them too. Good luck it sounds as though you have done brilliantly .

Weezer - my son is also 23 months and I have good and bad times with breastfeeding. My view upon it is that it is like any aspect of a nearly 2 year old - often challenging and difficult. However you should examine why you feel negative about it. How often does she b/feed now? Is she feeling insecure about something, is she bored, will she play with games and interact with other people? Remember that b/feeding a toddler is much more than 'feeding', and is a social interaction with you. 2 is a difficult age anyway - are you doing anything else just now like potty training? She could be seeking stability and comfort from you. As fed up as you are with it try to see it from her viewpoint. If she enjoys it then you are giving her something important.

I would try to wean her gradually as you've gone on this long it would be a shame to end it in a negative way. My sister weaned her son by her husband going to him in the night when he woke. That way he was still getting attention from someone he felt secure with. Distraction seems to be the best strategy. Perhaps choosing a time when your environment is different too such as going on holiday would be a good time to wean.

Also examine your own life - you are maybe blaming the lack of energy on the b/feeding when it is something else. It is unlikely that you will be physically lacking in energy from this (although emotionally you may be). Are you getting enough time to yourself? Could she stay with relatives for a weekend to give you a break. You could go away for a weekend and still breastfeed when you return as it takes a long time for the milk to dry up.

If you do give up breastfeeding then you will have to find something to replace it. This is one of the main reasons that I keep going. When my son is tired/poorly/temper tantrum etc the breast can soothe him instantly. Great if he is bawling his head off and 'plugging' him in stops the noise. Try to look at these positive aspects to it. Not to mention that you are still giving her protection from disease. Don't worry about milk either - my son has yet to drink a cup of milk! Cheese/yoghurt/fromage frais are all good sources of milk.

Also remember that she is growing and will change her attitude. She will learn the concept of "later" or "bedtime" particularly if you build it into a routine. Ask your husband/partner to help out. B/feeding a toddler is demanding and you should have some time to yourself.

Weezer, I breast fed my daughter until she was 30 months and we both really enjoyed it. By the end she was only having a bed time feed. The negative comments (and people for some reason feel they have a right to comment!) where unbelievable! The most offensive being that I must be getting some kind of sexual pleasure from it!!!! However, my dughter weaned herself at this age and it was no big deal. As you seem to feel differently about it than I did I would echo Eulalia's advice to wean gradually. If you are stressed about breastfeeding your baby will possibly pick up on it. Whatever you do don't feel guilty... & good luck.

Message withdrawn

Weezer, mine is 23 months old too and down to two feeds a day, morning and bedtime. I did manage to cut out night time feeding much earlier, which means no disrupted nights (for that particular reason...). My only worry is that we are trying for a second child and I do not fancy being one of those mums feeding two children of different ages, plus...is it affecting my ability to conceive?
I am going to try Eulalia's tip of weaning him when we go on holiday. Not only will we all be together but there will be close friends (godparents and other little boys) on hand, and hopefully lots of tiring, enjoyable fun.
Occasionally I think it would be nice to have my body back "to myself" but then my son is always crawling all over us anyway at his age and frankly, being away from him all day, my husband and I both feel he can have as many cuddles as he wants. Like your daughter, he clearly loves his feeds and I took a lot of comfort from Eulalia's post which was a very positive and welcome statement. Most other people I know, including other mums who weaned earlier, have made it clear that they think I am making him too dependent on me - it's not helped by the fact that he talks quite well for a child his age and can ask for a feed in unmistakeable language!
Just wanted to let you know that there are others out there (we tend to keep it quiet, isn't that sad) - and that you are not the only one who feels ambivalent about it and yet dreads stopping it. Suew is right to point out the difference in philosophy between La Leche and NCT, but I think getting good information on weaning an older child out of either organisation is not easy.

I breast fed until my milk ran out basically. For some reason it lasted about a year and that's all. I used to express so that I wouldn't be "tied" to the baby, if you see what I mean. Not everyone can express though - it is a nuiscance in some ways.

I read somewhere about a woman who breast fed her daughter until she was 7! I don't mean by expressing either. The impracticality is just one problem I would have with that. Although I guess in some countries it is the norm.

Marina - it is a myth commonly held that b/feeding an older baby makes them dependent or clingy to you. In fact as you will have observed often the opposite can be the case. B/feeding can create a sense of security which brings confidence. Also these kids are less likely to transfer their attentions to inanimate objects such as toys. It is actually healthy for them to spend time interacting with their mother in this way. Apart from the obvious body contact, eye contact is often made, and you may have noticed your child just spontaneously laugh when he is b/feeding. I am not saying that people who don't b/feed give their children less attention, merely that doing it is a very natural way to provide attention. Mothers are important to small children and at the end of the day of course they are dependent upon you in many ways, dressing, feeding, toilet etc. I bet if your other mums thought about it they wouldn't think your boy is any more dependent than any other child. I feel that my son is actually less jealous and less possessive with toys than his peers. Also have you ever noticed your son being a bit grizzly and you give him a quick feed (I call it a 'pit stop') and he just runs off and plays - it seems to restore them. I think a lot of it is just a means of touching base with you. B/feeding through the 'terrible 2's' can also be important for them to connect with something consistent.

I find it strange that in our society many think there is something wrong with a child being close to it's mother but they don't bat an eyelid at 2/3 year olds sucking dummies, battered teddy bears and soggy blankets.

Why not just go for another child - you will have 9 months to give up b/feeding. My friend gave up when she was about 3 months pregnant.

I am still breastfeeding my daughter at night, and she is just turning four. I also had a phase a couple of years ago now when i couldn't take it anymore! I wanted my body back, and to sleep at night. I stopped feeding her during the day, just told her firmly only at night,and I felt a lot better, also because I got my privacy back. I started leaving her for the night occasionally (now one night a week)and then I felt so much better in myself that on the remaining nights i could enjoy the feed to get her off to sleep. I must admit i do wonder when it will end, but having got so far, I want the decision to be hers. If she manages to get off to sleep peacefully without it, so much the better.

Did anyone see the article in The Times over the weekend re. breastfeeding toddlers (and older.)?
I strongly feel that all parents should be free do what they believe is best for their child but (and I know I'm setting myself up for criticism here) I have to admit that I would feel uncomfortable seeing a child of say 3 or 4 being breastfed in public. (Whereas I think the sight of a baby being fed by its mother is one of the most lovely things you can see.)
Is this because I have sons and I have some unresolved Oedipus complex?
Or because I have quite strong memories from the age of about 2 and a half and I don't want my children to feel any embarrasment about childhood memories?
I don't really understand why I feel this way but I'd be really interested to hear other peoples views.

Kizzie - even though I still breastfeed my 2 year old I only do it in private. I don't think it is appropriate to do it in public once the child is about the age of running around. Round about then they pull at your clothing and trying to feed modestly would be impossible. From a mother's sense of privacy it isn't right. I think also that we have to concede to some extent to other's views just the same way as we'd not let our toddlers shout too loudly or push other kids. A child of 3/4 should have learned that some things are OK at home behind closed doors but not in front of others and this includes breastfeeding.

I didn't read the article but I'd guess that these mothers haven't changed the way they breastfeed and to me it is a complex relationship that should constantly change. Otherwise the child will assume it can get it's mother's attention on demand and it is this kind of thing that gives breastfeeding older babies/children a bad name as it often is just spoiling the child with immediate gratification.

If a child is really upset then it is always possible to find a quiet corner/mother's room in shops etc where you can do it without being seen. For me the privacy is one of the nicest aspects of breasfeeding.