Do you think that as a society Fathers Day, Mothers Day etc., are simply OTT?

[Winnie]

What do you all think about celebrating father's day, mother's day or even valentines day? Is it just a good excuse for some fun or a cynical rip off by stores, restaurants etc?

In our house we send home made cards for Mothers Day etc. We have never been into that type of thing as we don't need to be told when to say 'Thanks' or 'I love you'.
Mind you I have to send a decent card to my mum or she'll take offense!

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Definately OTT all of it! The card companies especially rake the money in. Last year our post-natal group all had parties for our one year olds. They had speciall Winnie the Pooh invitations and little party bags to take home and the working mothers all bought expensive presents. I found it hard to keep up with them and was annoyed that I felt that I should. My mother thinks is is all mad as in her day no-one bothered with this kind of thing. It is total commercialism. I agree with Kate71 - you should say you love someone when it is most unexpected.

I tend to make home-made cards, invitations etc and they are definately more appreciated.

Yeah, as long as you aren't suckered into the whole comercialised end of it(i.e. huge fancy cards and elaborate presents) it is chance to celebrate parenting. Tomorrow I am cooking my Dad his favourite choice of meal and have bought him a little present. I like the fact that it is one day I can show him some affection and thanks. I know that in the ideal world this should happen everyday but who honestly can say there are ever enough hours in the day and that, sadly, life just gets in the way of these things too often...

I worry for my daughter who may have mixed feelings towards her father as he hasn't seen her since she was 4 months old. I can only hope that by the time she is old enough to understand the meanings of these special days that he will have a closer relationship with her. If not I guess it's just another hurdle to overcome - anyone had any experience of how to handle this?

I agree that it is OTT most of the time, although it is nice that we can take a day out to remind our loved ones just how much they mean to us. That doesn't mean we have to be sucked into the commercialisation of it all though.

Now they have grandparents' day I wonder what's next - Uncle's day perhaps?

Sorry to hear about your partner Lizzer, I think all you can do is to leave the door open for him to visit her. Tell her the truth about her day if and when she asks but never make disparaging comments about him. In this day and age she shouldn't feel too left out, as many families are now one-parent families. And who knows, she may get a 'new' dad one day soon?

Lizzer, as you know I have seven years of experiencing Father's Day without a father for my little girl to focus on! Despite relationships in this time no one was ever special enough for me to allow into my family life! To be honest it only ever bothered her when it was pointed out to her by other children that she 'didn't have a Father' to which she replied 'of course I have a father, everyone has a father'. Your little girl will accept what is normal for you as a family and maybe that will mean focusing on her Grandfather or maybe like my daughter it won't. Your daughter will cope as my daughter did. Children are incredibly resilient!

Today, as I write, everyone is getting ready for a typical Sunday in this house and it began at 6.45 a.m. For the first time ever, now that my little girl has a baby brother, she has had an excuse to 'go mad' over Father's Day for her stepfather! Little money has been spent but much joy has been had by all. From thinking about the words she wanted to use in his card to planning a breakfast and baking a 'Hedge-pig' cake ... the delight she has taken in this and the joy he has experienced in receiving this attention has been fantastic!

Lizzer, it does all come together...

The reason I asked the question is that I greatly object to the commercialism of everything from St. Georges day to Grandparents day but I do believe that even in a family where there is much love and affection, where people always speak their mind, having a special, significant day can be a joyful experience for everyone involved... all adding to the vast collection of family memories that we, as parents, carry with us as our children grow up (and hopefully our children cherish too). How many people don't keep those hand made cards that children proudly present them with at ungodly hours on such mornings? My Mother never kept mine and has returned cards my daughter made for her and I can't imagine the kind of mind that doesn't cherish such items and such memories!

Winnie - you have more or less said what I was going to write - but much more eloquently! I was just going to add that I do celebrate lots of things. It is not the celebrating that is wrong but the pressure to spend money.

Hope everyone has a good father's day whatever they do.

Winnie, it sounds like a wonderful day is being had in your house today, hope you are all enjoying it!
How very sad, though, that your Mother never kept the cards you made her and has returned your daughter's handmade cards; that must be hurtful. My Mum finds it a real wrench to throw anything away at all that has been given her/made for her -an example is Mother's Day this year; it was my son's birthday that day as well and we also had him dedicated at church. Lots of relatives came and I gave each Mum a small basket of flowers, writing the card as though it were from my son, thanking them for coming to his special day. The dead flowers are still on the table in the kitchen 3 months later!
I agree that we shouldn't need a particular day to remind us to show our loved ones how we feel about them; I object to the greed of these companies lining their pockets and would just buy a card usually. I think my husband would have been happy just to spend the day with my son and I today instead of having to go to work.

We are certainly celebrating. As a special treat Dad has gone to the supermarket, his little eyes lit up when I told him his Father's Day surprise. Seriously though, when he gets back my daughter will present him with his presie. A home made photoframe with a picture of her and her sister in it. He doesn't approve of the day really although is an avid supporter of Mother's Day, because of the tradition I think. Hope you all have a good Sunday whatever you do.

If any of you would like to do something nice for Fathers Day and are still thinking about it, we have put a special fathers day story on our website. You can view it online, or print it off in colour or black and white (for colouring in). It's like getting a new bedtime story for free. It's ideal for pre-schoolers, and is available from www.fathersdirect.com.

We went to the Harvester and had a very civilised meal. We had a nice private booth where my daughter could use her travel potty in peace!! (Not much warning when she needs to go!). Excellent salad bar as usual so they could start to eat straight away.

Daddy got a card which my 6 year old 'massacred' with love and red felt tip.

Daddy has spent the rest of the day with the remote control glued to his hand "just checking on the score at the golf"

Thanks winnie, I have to admit I was hoping for a reply from you....no pressure!! I'm glad there have been no major problems with father's day through your daughter's life, I hope the same happens for mine, sometimes it's nice to get some reassurance though I did wonder about having her included in my dad's father's day, especially as I have a 7 yr old sister who enjoys making cards for him etc. What I was woried about was it being an unusual home set-up enough for her without confusing her with other things like 'yes it's father's day but you have grandad instead', hmmm... I've plenty of time to think it over now - 364 days to be precise!

Winnie, how sad you mother doesn't keep those cards. My late mother kept boxes of them along with all sorts of stuff I'd forgotten. The very last night I stayed in her house before the removals and clearance people dealt the final blow was spent going though the contents of a huge cupboard. I discovered it held all my cards to her, school books, embarassing lists ( giving all my friends marks out of 10!) and scrapbooks from my teens.... everything. My son and I can now compare our handwriting, ability to do sums etc and we can discuss the finer points of a picture I drew 35 years ago.

She also kept a box full of family letters from the second world war written between her three siblings (all in the forces) and her parents. Mostly about missing each other, home leave being cancelled, small loans needed and repaid. She also kept all the little thank you letters she got from my cousins. I have sent copies of this paperwork worldwide to our extended family and the memories - and new information - they reveal has given much pleasure - and some sadness.

Now when my son presents me with a hand made card or, sometimes funnier and more poignent, a note, I put them on one of my hiding and keeping places. Not that I want to live in a museum or keep on referring to the past, but it all adds to a sense of continuity and love through the generations, and isn't this what families are all about? So although I hate the commercial cynicism behind the creation of a mothers day and fathers day, at least it can prompt something bigger and better.

Tigermoth, how lovely that you have such poignant keepsakes. I really do not think it is living in the past at all as you say these treasures can be passed through the generations and perhaps revealed a side to your mother you did not know. I have written a diary since about the age of eleven, sadly I no longer have the ones from my teenage years but I do have a pile going back to when my daughter was a toddler. People often comment that one only writes a diary so that others will read it, personally I would be horrified if my daughter or son read my diary whilst I am alive (although that may change as I get older) but in death I would hope that they would have something extremely personal to hold onto from them... I don't think I have ever written in it with this in mind, if I did I might edit myself greatly, but I've read a diary of my Gran's from a trip to Hungary at the outbreak of the second world war and it was such a joy to me to read from the eyes of this women, who I have only known since her mid sixties. I think writing letters to your children on their birthdays is, as I think Batters suggested, a lovely idea.

Lizzer, glad I reassured you. I am sure, the older your daughter gets, that thanks to the strong relationship you have, such decisions will become almost instinctive. To be honest in the early days of our being together, I found it difficult to share decision making relating to my daughter with my partner - I have been so used to making such decisions alone! However, that didn't last long and although she doesn't call him Dad they have developed a relationship that is like father and daughter in every way!

I know this is going off the subject a bit, but related to what Winnie was saying ...

I've kept a diary on and off but started doing it on a regular basis when I was 3 months pregnant. I even wrote a huge entry just hours after the birth of my son. Most of it would be immensely boring to anyone else but it is amazing how much you forget and I can bring back a situation so clearly by reading an excerpt. You don't even need to write very much. I think for me some of the writings about my son relate to the fact that my parents remember virtually nothing specific about my childhood. Mostly due to being a twin and having older sisters as well.

Also I kept the flowers that were in the vase at home when I had my son and pressed them and made them into a card for his first birthday. I've done similar for Wedding anniversary cards with flowers and shells from Gibraltar where we married.

All of this to me means so much more than any bought card. Not that you can't get good ones these days but nothing beats something that is absolutely unique.

PS My mother kept a diary when she was a child through to about age 16. She let me read it when she was in her 50s so I guess you do change.