completing your family

[lizbell]

How does one know when your family is complete? We are in the fortunate position of being able to afford a fourth child, but I am 37 and time is getting on so I feel I must make up my mind in the near future. We have three healthy children so I feel that I don't want to press my luck. My husband says it's my decision and supports me whatever I decide. Is it a feeling you get when you know that your family is complete or is it a more practical decision?

I wonder if you ever really know. I can not face the thought of another labour/sleepless nights and all the other stuff that goes with early parentood but I do feel there's something missing. I know what it is - I have 2DSs and want a DD! My mother was in exactly the same situation as me - her family was "finished" after 2 DSs but she never really felt it was complete and then along came me as a surprise.

I remember seeing my SIL look wistfully at DS1 when he was a newborn and her 2 were 8 and 5. I guess they'd made the decision to stop but deep down she was still "broody". That made me wonder when that feeling ever goes away. I suspect their choice was practical but I have also heard of people who just know when the "baby account" is full

Not much help, sorry!

I have 4 children and was sterilised to ensure I had no more. If I had the money, space and no pregnancy complications I would have had more. For me it was a practical, sensible decision to stop. I am still broody though

mears - guess if you're broody you're in the wrong (or right?) job

Hi lizbell
I only have one child, as my dh already had 'offspring' from a previous marriage and did not want any more, but we ended up with an unplanned ds who was born when I was almost 35 and dh was 40. I had very fleeting thoughts of "it might be nice to have another one", but dh would leave the country if I got pregnant again and I am now very settled with the fact that I only have one. My true feeling is that I don't really have the energy or the time for any more, as I'm 38 this year and studying part-time (and suffered with PND) so I just know that I probably wouldn't cope all that well with another one. DH has had the chop anyway so the decision has really been made.

I guess you have to look at how your life is at the moment, firstly are you happy to do the whole 'baby' thing again (i.e. go through the tiredness, night feeds, etc etc) and how would another child fit into your life as it stands right now. I guess it depends how badly you want another one and try to weigh up all the positives and the negatives of having a fourth child. Best of luck.

I was sure I had completed my family. I remember sitting on the big sofa in the lounge when ds was only days ol, with him and dh and dd and thinking 'this feels RIGHT'. We could afford another child, but were happy with what we had. For over a year we have been totally happy about it, really relaxed and feeling like our family was just right. I ha a mirena coil inserted and we were talking about vasectomy ...
Then my coil dropped down unbeknown to me and I am now expecting No3 in December. We are a bit blown away by it, but getting used to the idea now.
It'll be weird to have 3 children when 2 was always our plan, but nice too. We're actually looking forward to it now.

I have 3 children and we always planned to have 4.

We started trying for No 4 and after 18 months of nothing, we decided that we didn't want to carry on trying indefinately and that it was "natures" way of telling 3 was enough. As I had the 3 close together, I didn't want to have No 4 a lot later on so it ended up being on its own.

Anyway, life got a lot easier - I had gone back to work part-time to a job that I love etc etc.

Then in December, I had a "scare" and I was horrified to find myself feeling absolutely "gutted". I spent a whole week crying my heart out and praying that I wasn't pregnant, even though financially we could afford a 4th and we had a big enough house etc.

That was a real "wake-up call" to me - and we both realised that we were blessed with 3 beautiful healthy children and life was perfect.

So 3 weeks ago, DH had a vasectomy - and although friends told me I would feel sad - all I felt was a huge wave of relief.

I always said to friends "how do you know when your family is complete?" - but when it's right, you just do, it's really difficult to explain.

Good luck anyway.

DS2 was planned, but throughout the pregnancy I knew it was the last, and have felt that way strongly ever since. (He is just 4). We felt he would complete our family even before he arrived.

It's partly practical, but it is just so right for us. We could afford another, but we just don't want more.

number 4 wow

i had just had enough of babies - even if we had the money , i wouldnt have done it. and that was that - best decision of my life - i wouldnt go back for anything, have just begun to have a life which doesnt always revolve around them - and i like it.

different horses for different courses though isnt it.

if babies float your boat, and you can afford it - go for it

Message withdrawn

Lizbell I would say that if you are still seriously thinking about having another then you don't feel that your family is complete. I knew absolutely no way did I want another after having my 4th, and was subsequently sterilised. Never had any regrets and know that if it failed I would be desperately upset to be pg again. All my angels have been sent to me now.

I've always wanted 5; I've got 4 so far and am definite that the next one (assuming nature is on my side) will be the last.

We feel like our family is complete.We have twin DS's 4.5 and DH has a DD of 8.
Up until about 6 months ago I still really wanted another one, but DH was dead against it, I now believe he was the voice of reason !!!
I work 3 days a week, and life has got easier as they have got older and more independent, the last 4 years have been really hard, and I feel DH and I should now start making time for ourselves.
We have very little support from family, but this would become even less if we had another, we'd never get anyone to babysit for us !!!!
We are starting to get our social life back, and we actually managed to get away, for a long weekend in Rome alone in February.
I feel like I'm finally becoming "me" again, and I'm now, very happy to stick with the beautiful children I've got.
Of course if a surprise one came along, we'd just muck in, and treat it as a blessing !!!!

I'm wondering this same thing.

We have 4 & our baby is 12 this year. Until about 2 years ago I was utterly convinced that I would never want another one. We can go out without babysitters; I don't have to wait for DH to get home before I can go to work etc.

Then loads of people I know started having late babies, & we had a scare which turned out to be a false alarm. Now I'm in the same quandry. I'll be 40 this month; we've got 2 with autistic spectrum problems; DD (hopefully) off to Uni next year... BUT, if we don't, will I always wonder. If we do, what if it upsets everyone's life- feels like tempting fate.

I don't know when you know you've got enough either.

I would desperately love more. I have 2 (4.5 and 2), a boy and a girl and people seem to assume that if you have one of each sex that is all that matters. I'm also a single Mum which kind of complicates the whole conception thing! I was trying a few months ago for another and was devasted when it failed. I know I want more - there is no question, BUT I have decided to look into the option of adoption. My broodiness is at least under control at the moment, as I am excited about the idea of adopting. I do hope that at some time in the future, after adopting, that I might be in the position to have some more of my own - the thought of never being pregnant again really upsets me. But then I'm only 22, so I guess time is on my side - I just hope fate is too.

I don't know - maybe one day you just know - that's it, but I can't imagine a time when I wouldn't be happy to have more children. Particularly as my 'babies' are growing up. As soon as they reach a certain age, that;s it, I want a baby again. Being a Mum is the most important thing to me - there;s nothing else I want as much.

I would like a fourth but only after I have had a few glasses of wine.
If I have more than a few glasses I start dreaming about twins..

I have 3 children 2 with disabled, all have been born prematurely and I feel that thats it for me. DH however has different ideas and would like one more. Am I being selfish? DS is 5 and would love a brother or sister (though I know he is inkling for a brother)
I am sure i want no more at this time in my life and am not even sure if I ever want any more.
I had a miscarriage between DS and DD1 and i don't think DH ever got over it, and he is still wondering.
Please advice me.

I've been posting on the other threads recently 'Dh says he's too old for another child' and 'Getting pg without consent of dh/dp', so you can see at a glance where I'm coming from .

Yes, how do you Know when the family is complete??? I have 'one of each' so many would say that's great, stop there. But I just have had this nagging feeling that I want a third!
But maybe it's just cos so many people I know have had a third, and I always was a copycat.
And that's what IIIIIIIII want. Not what dh wants. Not what might be best for the family. blah blah.

You know, I even caught myself looking at the lines on my hand just now (quiet day at work!) - you know that trick that fortune tellers can tell you how many kids you'll have if you squeeze your fingers into your palm, and the creases your little finger makes at the side tells you the number of kids you'll have? Er, just done it again, and it looks about 100. Even IIIIIIII don't want That many!

Interesting thread. I have two boys 4 and 16 months. I would like another I think but
a) had 2 c-sections- and 2nd one was hideous
b)ds1 has autism and while I don't worry about having another child with autism (I don't think ds1 was born autistic) I do worry about having another child with any disability. Just because I'm not sure that I have the energy to deal with another disabled child and all the battles that go with it. Also I'm already doing most of ds1's therapy and if I had another child with problems then he may lose some of that time.

Still broody though. What I need is to get pregnant by mistake then it's a done deal! Pass me the Mirena coil

I just KNOW I would not want another child (I have one DS aged 2), I really would be devasted if I became pregnant accidentally - I guess if you are not sure it probably means that you would quite like another one & wouldn't mind if you did have an 'accident'.

I was going to have a coil fitted but am now having second thoughts after susanmt's story - but happy for you that it has worked out so well.

I think that knowing when your family is complete is a combination of gut-feeling and also practical consideration.
I am lucky enough to have 3 healthy happy kids - 2 stepsons (10 & 11) and a daughter (9mo). My husb and I would like another (he would go on forever given the chance!) but I think we will probably stop at 4. Not for financial or biological reasons, but simply because I'm not sure that it would be fair to the children we already have to just carry on reproducing regardless.

I want to have at least 4 (I come from a family of 6 children and loved the company and chaos)...... but don't have the time of money at the moment so my thinking is: I have two at the moment (one DS and one in utereo, fingers crossed), have a break of 5 - 10 years, depending on financial considerations, then have a "second" family at a time when I can hopefully give up work / work part-time and devote my time to them. DS was not planned, but I didn't think it fair to leave a huge gap between him and any siblings, so now #2 is on the way, I'm happy to leave it for the moment.

Lindy - I'm with you one DS (21 months) is plenty enough for me. People always say to me how bad is he, well he's not, he's as good as gold - apart from now occasional tantrums which I believe are normal. DH and I are happy with 'our lot' so just the one it is thank you.

ps. already have a Mirena coil so don't panic me.

Furball what do you mean they say how bad he is?That must be really upsetting for you.

I always knew that I wanted two children regardless of their sex. As soon as I had my dd I knew that our family was complete.

Lou33 - Its, how bad is he? not how bad he is.