My poor little dd1 came home all sad - should I resist the temptation to phone/speak to her mum?

[Carla]

Basically, she was all pensive in the car on the way back from school. Asked what was wrong - 'nothing'. When we got home she said 'I hate Ixxx'.. I asked why.

Apparently this child had told two children that 'A was fat because she keeps eating cows'. I asked why cows. 'Because they're big, mummy, and it went round the whole class'.

A is the biggest in her class, but I think at 6 this ought to be nipped in the bud. Or do you think that making an issue of it will make it worse? After all, if one child can say it, so can another. I'm distraught for her. I spent my whole childhood as a fat child, ostracised, and I don't want the same for her.

Please let me know what you think - she's such a lovely, loving girl.

BTW, she hardly eats anything - her younger sister eats far more, so I'm sure it's not anything I'm doing wrong.

TIAX

depends how its done, janh, maybe? I certainly wish my parents had left well alone with my sister- all the diets failed and her self-esteem was crushed dealing with pressure to lose weight on all fronts. Lifelong issues. We're both pleasantly plump now but I tend to think "Oh well I'll get rid of these spare tyes at some point, quite like my general shape" whereas she is constantly unhappy about her body size.

Agree with MI

I know it's hard to pick the right words when you're talking about this kind of thing. I like soapbox's trampoline idea - and as Carla says she doesn't eat a lot, it sounds as if exercise is the way to go.

DD2 went through a very tubby stage from around 6-8, I think her growth rate must have slowed down or something - and although I never (to the best of my recollection) made any fattist remarks, it is true that she went through a slightly bulimic stage in her mid-teens. I didn't even realise at first, it was DD1 who picked up on it, we were quite worried for a while - and that was without any input from us (but maybe there was some from others - never did get to the bottom of it).

Anyway I hope the teacher will handle this tactfully, and keep an eye on this group in future.

I think the trampoline's a fabulous idea.

Hi Carla,

not much to add that hasn't been said already. But as a KS1 teacher I would definitely want any parents to tell me if their child was being bullied. Girls especially can be so sneaky with this sort of thing that it can often be missed by a teacher. But if they know its happening it can be dealt with in things like circle time. Any teacher will know how to deal with it sensitively.

Carla-just skimmed this thread, sorry but-

Is she large, as in large boned etc, or chubby?

I ask because as a child I was the former, but kids find it very hard (or are perhaps not inclined to) distinguish and I got teased as fat. My parents also saw me as fat. That has had quite an impact on how I see myself, although I look at photos and realise I just had a very large bone structure, and still do. The key thing being that she can't do much about her body shape, so needs to build up her self-esteem, but might be able to do something about chubbiness, if need be. (although obviously self-esteem remain very importatn)

Obviously a dietician will be able to help.

Is she in Yr 2. I ask because dd1 had exactly the same thing at that age. Part of the Nat. curriculum is weights & measures, and the teachers decided to weigh everyone, and measure their height. Some girls then decided to call dd1 fat because she weighed the most - she was also the tallest but that fact escaped them. Teacher dealt with it very well, class discussions etc (not about 'fat' just about calling names etc) and main ring leader then got slightly ostracised because everyone else said she'd been mean! Teacher apoplogised about it as she didn't think it would be a problem because none of the kids in the year were fat. We have since spent a long time discussing health as opposed to weight, she has a very good idea of a healthy diet and a very good self image - but she is always going to be JLo not Kylie. BTW - dd2 is def a kylie so also have to llok at it from that viewpoint