MOTHER IN LAW FROM HELL- WHAT TO DO???

[Pol25]

Help!
I'm moving soon to be near my partners family, including his mum from hell. I had our first child, a girl and she 'prefers' boys nearly nine months ago.She is such a bully. What do I do?
My partner thinks she knows best and used to often come home at weekends with 'good adive' or so he thought which I knew had come from the wicked witch (his mum)my partner works in london m-f) like let her cry etc... Yes, she may think that but I don't. Give her baby rice to settle her at three weeks!!!etc.
Trouble is she looks after the other grandkids, two boys and two girls. She is nice as pie when the parents are there but horrid when they are not, being bullying and awful. She still mashes the girls food- who are four! Five this year and sppon feeds them with pelican bibs on! She piles a desserts spoon so high is spills from their mouths and then she tells then off. She feeds then all on crap, like chocolate, sweets etc. The boys are allowed unlimited bags of crisps etc and her meals are all so unhealthy and she does mushy veg! Yuck!!!
She lets them hit her and granddad and if they do it too hard and they hurt they get slapped back harder and then when they cry she tells them off for being mardy. She also lets the girls pinch ppls 'titty wobbles' as she calls it. I think pinching is wrong and would tell my D off if she did it and I also think tits/titty is a bit of a swear word for a young child. Call me a snob! But I would prefer her to say boobies/boobs. She also lets them say crap/shut up to who ever is talking and will never let them play outside- 'its too cold' even in the height of summer!!!
I caught her feeding my D celebrations at 16weeks, when I had only started weaning! She takes her out of her coat and carseat when we are about to take her out saying that she can stay with her etc... and if I try to get her to nap she will have none of it and is always sticking her head in and trying to play with her... What do I do???
When I move down there I am thinking of childmining but I know she will expect to have my D while I work- the whole point is I want to work but spend time with D too. Do I tell my partner who would be devastated that his mum is not pefect and I think they have awful manners and if our D did some of those things I would be cross and ashamed that she had no resepct for us or any other grown up???
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stick to your guns from the start, don't take any crap from her, or your DP. You and your DD are the most important things in his life now. Make sure he knows where his priorities/loyalties lie.

Start as you mean to go on, or it will just get worse and worse.

I'd secretly film her and show the family.

before you take her on, get your partner onside and a united front. In a battle between his wife and his mom, he must always back you. But if you and he already agree beforehand on your expectations of how she treats you and your child and your family rules, it will work. she will try some games and crap but give up over time when she hits the wall of unity you and your partner have set up. Been there and done it and it works. Also, when an issue needs to be confronted with mom in law, your partner must do it as it is his mom, not yours. Discuss it together , then he must take your family position to his mom and explain how it will be ie how she will treat your family. It is a long process, but it will work, the key, your partner must be part of your team.

I'm sorry Pol I wouldn't let this woman near my children, and if dh or herself doesn't like it then TOUGH!!

And a part of childminding is the benefit of having your own kids with you, so why would you consider sending them to her??

It sounds like she likes having control of the grankids but she can't actually be bothered looking after then properly....

For me there just wouldn't be a choice, she wouldn't have mine and that's that!!And if I sound nasty I too have a MIL from hell who disagrees with me and I've learnt the hard way!!