When you go out for a group meal, how do you pay?

[bouncy]

This has caused a row between me and my dp, and just wondered if you could tell me how you pay.

dp and I went out with another couple last night, they do not have any kids and both have jobs earning £30K each, whereas dp and I both have jobs no-where near as much money. Bascially they have money to burn and with a child/mortgage etc etc, we do not have a lot of spare cash left at the end of each month.

We went out for a meal after we have been to a few pubs for a drink, dp and I both didn't have a starter or pudding, just a main course each. I drank lemonade and he had 1 pint with his meal. The other couple had a £8 starter to share and both had puddings at £4 each, she also had 2 bottles of win with dinner at £11 per bottle, Basically what I am getting at the bill came to £80, as we were paying on the card they handed over £40, and it has been bugging me ever since as our meal's came to £23.

Dp and I had a massive row because he says they were his friends and I am just picking, but as I work hard for my money and have been saving up to buy ds a bike, paying an extra £17 for someones elses meal does not seem fair.

Please be honest am I making a meal out of this as dp thinks.?

I have just read it and didn't mean the pun at the end.

Hi Bouncy
I reckon that it is really quite insensitive of your friends to do that. I am always careful when it comes to money things with friends - it is so easy to take offence on either side. I understand completely how you feel as we're often on the same end of the stick here as you. Maybe all you can do is maneuver it so that you don't pay on your card and make it obvious that you are adding up what you had? Unless you're good enough friends to be honest and open about it without it becomming a big issue.
I don't know....but I agree with you : its a bit unfair. If you're both going to pay when you go out, I think that its unfair to expect to half the bill like that.

Generally I am happy to go halves when I go out with people ... I am always embarrassed when it gets to the 'But I only had a salad' stage.
What I would suggest to you Bouncy is when you plan to go out with people, get it clear before you go out that you are a bit strapped for cash so would like to pay for what you ate and drank and not go halves ... that way you won't get upset after the deed is done and you and your dp won't get in a row about it. I, for one, would understand and not be offended if I was going out with someone who made it clear at the beginning what the circumstances were ... especially because for me it is going out to see people that is important so if they wanted to pay that way that would be fine ...
Sorry for the ramble!!

I agree with Ghosty. Generally speaking I'm happy to simply split the bill to make it easy but if someone would rather do it based on what we actually ate/drank then I wouldn't have a problem with that either if we'd sorted it all out beforehand. Obviously I wouldn't have a problem it we hadn't discussed it beforehand either but it's simpler if you get it sorted at the start.

I used to work with a load of people with maths degrees and if we went out in a group, there used to be a tiered paying system for drinkers & non drinkers!

Bouncy as others have said I would make an agreement at the start. When we go out with friends (who are all in the same boat as us kids, bills etc) we pay for ourselves. Saves all the hassle.

You say your friends got through a couple of bottles of wine with the meal and you had all been to the pub beforehand. Could they have been a bit too far gone by the end of the meal to realise the unfairness of the division? Perhaps when you see them again they will offer to buy an extra round or something. You could even help things along by just not buying as many rounds as them when you next meet in a pub. If they are that unconcerned about money, they might not even notice, and you will feel things have evened up again.

When you next speak to them, could you jog their memories by mentioning something along the lines of 'nice meal, but didn't you think it was a bit expensive - dh and I didn't even drink much' And agree with others, if they ignore the hint, when you next see them for a meal just tell them matter of factly at the beginning that want the bill itemised.

bouncy, I totally agree with you.
Some people also do this on purpose, which I find very annoying. I am not saying that your friends are like that though, but I know some people who just think they are being clever and that really makes me mad.

I went out once for a meal with people from work (we were in 8) and everybody knew there was this lady who would eat very little if alone, but would go mad when socializing.
We were in a posh restaurant (she had chosen it) so everything was quite expensive, we all skipped the starter and only had a main course and a drink, while she had a £15 starter, which she left untouched, lobster as main meal (£30)and a pudding for £7, of course she ordered the best wine on the list and had Irish Coffee to finish with.
When the bill came she was the one to pick it and split it in 8 equal parts, but the guy working in accounts made a joke about being able to sum without using a calculator and dared everybody else to do the same!
At the end we all paid an average of £22 each and she was left with a £80 bill!
I will never forget the look on her face, the waiters got a bit annoyed because it took us a long time to work out the bill, but we had a laugh and I am sure she has changed her eating habits now!

We went out from work recently and had this same problem. On the Christmas meal it had been very much everyone pay for what you had, so we didn't think this one would be a problem.

I'm vegetarian, so my food is always cheaper than everyone else's anyway. We'd all paid for our own drinks when we first came in (NO round-buying at all, which was unusual), then extra drinks people just went up to the bar & bought their own, so that was no problem.

When it came to pudding I chose the cheaper ice-cream, because with the dearer one it would take the cost over £10 (& I didn't want to break into another note). Money is tight.

When the bill came, the girl at the end of the table, who'd had the dearest main (£11.25 compared to my £5.75), & the dearest pud (£4.75/ 3.50), said "it's £180, so there's £18 of us- it's £10 each", THEN asked for another £1 each for a tip!! I rebelled quietly by handing over the £10 & no more. That was my bill plus 75p for tip.

It's small amounts of money, I know, but in all conscience I couldn't pay £10 & ask everyone else for the same, knowing that what I'd had was well over that. It's fair enough when you've all had more-or-less the same and the difference is negligible, but expecting other people to subsidise 1/3 of your meal (especially when you earn more than everyone else, which is another story) is really not on.

When 4 of us (including this person) went out again last week we all took exactly the right money & each bought our own (in 2's), so that it didn't happen again!

I had also had this done to me at a Christmas do many years ago, when I was asked for an extortionate amount of money to cover the bosses starter, most expensive main, dessert, wine and coffee. (worked out to 5 times my own bill). I refused, and handed over the exact money for my bill, and never went out with them again.

Generally we split things - but if it's obvious that someone has had significantly more than other people - extra courses, or wine when others weren't drinking we'd adjust it to allow for that. Maybe not down to the last penny, but we would try to approximate so that it ended up being fair to all concerned.

If there is a big difference like this then we would pay for our own meals give or take a few pence. If going out with people who have similar food.drink then we generally just split the bill.

Bouncy - in your case I think it was pretty bad that your friends didn't give you much more than half as they obviously had much more than you and your Dp. I'd be a bit put out in these circumstances I have to say so I think you are right to feel a bit cheated here.

This used to be a real issue for us at work dos, because some members of staff were heavy drinkers, and others were driving so only had an orange juice. Then some would leave earlier than others and leave 10 pounds on the table, which didn't come anywhere near what they owed. The last few people always ended up paying loads. So we decided for work to always go somewhere with a set menu, we pay in advance for food and then we buy our own drinks, and everyone was happy. It's much harder with friends though. It is one of my dh's pet hates, because he doesn't drink much, and usually drives everyone, and ends up paying for doing it! When we have eaten about the same, we're happy to divide the bill, but when it's obviously unequal, I have no qualms about saying I'll pay my share.

Seven of us went out for a meal on Friday night, and we just passed the bill round from one to another and put in the middle what ours had cost. Mine came to £18ish so I put £20 in, saw some putting £15 in and some £25,. It emded up with 140 in the moiddle for a £132 bill, which I thought was pretty good. But I have had done to me what Bouncy was talking about and I seethed about it for weeks. In fact it stopped me wanting to go out with this couple again. You can sound so mean, but I would like to think that I was brave enough now to say something but assertiveness has never been my strong point!

I don't drink much but my husband drinks quite a lot - so I feel we even each other out and are usually happy to split it down the middle. If someone is obviously eating or drinking a lot less than everyone else then I'd hope we'd split it with them paying less - but after a lot of booze people's adding up abilities tend to go wobbly too! Otherwise you could even it up if the big spenders pick up the tip. I think you need to decide with dp whether you're happy to just split it in future and if not say something before the meal. Does he feel like he'd lose face in front of his mates?

They have a great system in Japan. You take the bill up to the till, tell them you're paying seperately and they work everyone's bill out for you.

otherwise if we're in a big group we split equally, if a small group and big difference in price we split fairly. In your case I think your friends have been a bit cheeky.

Interestingly Jim Jams, many restaurants in Auckland have a sign saying 'One Bill per table ...' So they hate working it out for people here ...

We were in Bouncy's situation last week. We went out with 5 others and were seriously dischuffed that two of the men had drunk a bottle of wine each at $35 apiece. 35 dollars!!!! That's about half a week's average pay out here! Anyway, they realised from the looks round the table that that was a bit OTT so they paid for the wine themselves but we still had a big bill because most other people had a starter and two main courses! It was sheer greed on their parts as there was a ton of food left over, an awful waste. I've always been pretty easy-ozy about shared bills but this did make me think twice.

PS I did have a pudding, to even things up a bit!