Do Muffins Fulfill? A question for SAHMs-whose-children-are-out-of-the-home

[morningpaper]

Dear SAHMs-whose-children-are-out-of-the-home; (including nusery education - I have some friends whose 2-3 yos are now starting nursery from 9-3):

I would be very interested to know what you do during your time at home and how that leads to you living a life that you feel is fulfilling.

(Words kindly provided by Soapbox! )

This is quite a serious question, which I don't think has been answered. I am genuinely interested in your thoughts on this, as this is an option that lots of you have chosen, which is surprising to me in the light of the recent thread about how unfulfilling many people found staying at home.

(Suggestions for re-wording of the question will be given due consideration and I reserve the right to apologise at a later time if I find I have worded this offensively.)

(If you think this is none of my business to ask, then please move back to the cheese thread, rather than posting "It's none of your business!" which is obviously the case, but I am still genuinely curious.)

[Lonelymum]

Oh yes, I LOATHE having to say I am a SAHM. Even teacher doesn't sound good enough to me. That is part of the pain of being a SAHM (IMO) and all the more reason why we should allow ourselves the luxury of a coffee and choccie with our feet up watching a DVD occasionally. There have to be some perks to this situation.

[Lonelymum]

Tempchange, dh and I have discussed this many times - what would we do if we won the lottery. I think we are agreed that we would not really just bum around the beaches of Queensland, we would probably want some business or another to keep us occupied and feeling useful. But it would be great to not be tied to having to earn a living.

Wordsmith - doble negatives are beyond me at this time of my life! Do you mean you would work for no renumeration?

[wordsmith]

I agree with Moondog. I love being able to say "I have my own business". It sounds like I'm a real entrepreneur and earn millions and employ loads of people and do something useful. In fact I sit here at the computer all day and type blurb, employ no-one, see no-one, am just about as undynamic as it gets and will shortly fossilise without anyone noticing. But it sounds good.

[morningpaper]

lol wordsmith me too!

[tamum]

I work because I love what I do, couldn't bear not to do it. The money is a drop in the ocean compared with dh's salary, partly because I'm part-time, but I couldn't not do it.

[wordsmith]

[groan emoticon] whoops! No of course I mean I wouldn't work for no remuneration. Not that I wouldn't not work.

You wouldn't know that proofreading was part of my job would you.

[morningpaper]

My brother is well off enough never to have to work again, but works every day because he loves his job and doesn't want to ever retire. And he's even older than you lima ... We are both v. similar and do similar jobs and I think we both enjoy our work too much to ever stop. Bear in mind we are AWFULLY geeky however.

[wordsmith]

So, Moondog, when people asked you "What do you do" and you said "I'm a sex therapist" what was the response?

(sorry to change subject slightly)

[JoolsToo]

women do themselves no favours when asked 'and what do you do?' and they respond 'oh, I'm just a housewife' or 'oh, I don't work' - I'm not usually a violent person but I always feel like slapping these women!

just a housewife indeed

[moondog]

lol wordsmith!
Although the game I presently play is to smile and say in a self deprecating fashion to anyone who asks 'Oh,I just stay at home with the children'. Then,as the conversation unfolds, I suddenly unleash my rapier-like intellect and dazzle with insightful comments on everything from language rights in Uzbekhistan to soil erosion in Eastern Turkey!!!! Ha ha ha!!!

(In the same way that I learned long ago not to mention my degree when speaking French. For someone with a 2:1 it's pretty bad,for someone with no degree it's bloody great!!)

[Flum]

A domestic manager then?

My friend says she works for:

Delila Hooper Ltd

Her dds name. ha ha. except that isn't the real name of course

[Lonelymum]

Wordsmith, you are doing it again! [Cross eyed emoticon!] But I think I know what you are saying.

(You wouldn't know I have a brain the size of a planet (or maybe that was a plant?) would you?)

[SoupDragon]

How I hate the word "housewife" though. It conjures up a 1950's woman in one of those tunic style aprons.

[Flum]

And not only do I work for Delila Hooper Ltd.

I'm the Managing Director.

[moondog]

wordsmith...I'm a therapist just not a sex one (although it's been pretty damn close on occasion!) I'm not trying to be irritating and mysterious,just resolved that the one thing I wouldn't discuss on this site was my job. Too much politics involved.

[wordsmith]

My 'woulds' are disappearing up their fundaments. Sorry. Good job I am not actually 'working' today but doing my accounts.

[Lonelymum]

Psycho-sexual counsellor Moondog?


All right, I'll leave you alone.

[wordsmith]

... so today I am an accountant!

[Lonelymum]

I don't work for Johnny Twoshoes Ltd Flum. I work for Johnny Twoshoes UnLtd - as my family just seems to keep growing and growing....

[Flum]

I have those aprons. they are great. My frined sends me them from Japan.

Just before hubby comes home I plump up the cushions, mix him a martini, whip off the apron to reveal a tasteful yet subtly sexy day dress, apply a quick coat of lipstick and a ribbon in my hair.

When we talk later i am sure not to bore him with domestic mundanities as his work worries are far more important than mine.

[Cam]

Work if you won the lottery? Now I know the world's gone mad

[Lonelymum]

Not work work Cam. Just something to give your life purpose, beyond the obvious purpose of raising the children of course.

[lima]

not me Cam - and I'd amke sure dh gave up his job as well

[wordsmith]

Moondog you inadvertently bring up a whole other subset of issues there with your Uzbekhistan and soil erosion comments. One thing that really annoys me about a particular SAHM of my acquaintance is her blindness to anything other that what directly affects her and her famile. She is well educated (used to be a childrens book editor), incredibly well travelled, etc etc, very 'green' and opinionated on organic and GM matters and so on, but never reads a paper (ecxept for the local freebie, doesn't have a TV so never watches the news, never listens to the news on the radio, and doesn't have a clue about what's going on it the world! She had no idea when the pope was ill, or even that Kylie had breast cancer, and you'd need to be blind and deaf to have missed that. Not that it matters to her life (or even mine for that matter) but it's just so insular! She has such fixed ideas and can't really debate them from an informed viewpoint because she doesn't keep herself informed with current affairs. I can't bear the thought of not reading the paper or watching the news.

I don't care what anyone does for a living or whether they earn money or not, but to deliberately ignore the rest of the world because bringing up your children is such a focused and precious task seems to me simply quite mad.

Rant over, back to my accounts [yawn emoticon]

[wordsmith]

Other than I meant of course.