Upset by house move

[Nutjob]

We are in the process of moving house and, of course, have talked about it to ds and dd. Ds is cool about it, we are moving really close to his school so that we will be able to walk there instead of having to drive, and he will be living much nearer all his friends. Dd, on the other hand, seems to be really stressed about it, she keeps asking me if her bed will be in the new house, and if all her toys will be there etc. It seems to be playing on her mind. Anyone else experienced this? Is there any way of preparing her/making it easier? Thanks

How old are they, Nutjob?

Ds is 5 and a half, and dd is 3 and a quarter, ds has moved house with us before when I was pregnant with dd, he was only just 2 so was probably a bit too young to think about it too much.

How old are the kids nutjob. I remember moving when I was 10 and just didn't want to go. I was really upset at leaving the life I knew. By the time I was 15 and we had to move back again to where we were originally I was devestated to be leaving the place I hadn't wanted to go in the first place.

All in all I think it is hard for kids to move and leave their friends and stable surrounding but they adjust quite quickly. I'm sure you'll get lots of advice about how to manage this so dd feels like it is a good experience as opposed to a bad one. Personally, I don't think my parents did anything to make it easier for me but after a week or so my feelings were completely forgotten due to the new friends etc I was making. That's not to say they didn't do anything I just can't remember them doing anything.

Sorry, posted as you guys were posting. Three is a different age to 10 and I can understand her feelings of uncertainty. Don't they recommend you let the child select certain things and feel a part of the move. I know she's only 3 but what about if you give her a couple of jobs to do. She could ensure the animals are all taken to the new house and they know where their bed is going to be and their toys etc. Make her feel like she is the mummy and she has to make them comfortable and ensure they are all OK with it.

We moved last yr, dss were 3 and 5. A friend advised me to expect more problems with the 3 yr-old, as he wouldn't understand. So we spent a lot of time talking about it, and made sure he did understand that we really were moving, and wouldn't be coming back, he wouldn't be seeing his friends, playgroup, neighbours, swingpark, etc. again. (Big move: 250 miles). He didn't get upset, but occasionally asked questions that made it clear he hadn't understood properly. (Will I have my trainset at the new house?)

But we kept reinforcing the message, and have not had any problems at all since moving. So i would recommend talking about it LOADS, get the books from the library and so on. It helped us. Once here ds2 settled amazingly quickly - as did ds1. (It's me who still has the problem - 9 months on!)

Gone through this recently myself. One ds too young to know but the other ds kept asking stange questions about what we would be taking/leavinf etc.
Try not to worry too much but do reassure your dd, go around the house if necessary and let her ask if certain items are going with you. It must be very difficult for them to understand. You'll just have to be patient as it's likely to go on until you move!
Good Luck.

Thanks for your replies so far, it's nice to know it's a normal reaction. Dd also seems to have concerns about the house we are moving to as well. At one house we were serious about buying (all fell through so getting a different one now) the lady had two little dogs, dd is afraid of dogs and seemed terrified that they would still be there, so I had to reassure her that the lady would be taking them with her. Thinking about it, the mere fact that one minute we are moving to one house and the next it's another must be confusing in itself!!

It's not an easy time at all. It nearly turned me into a raving alcoholic! I must have drove all my mates round the bend constantly bombarding them with emails about it. I started a thread on here at that time asking for peoples advice on how to get me through it all, everyone seemed to be in no rush at all to get things moving. I felt like i WAS TRYING TO PUSH A HUGE BOULDER UP A LARGE STEEP MOUNTAIN.....sorry about that hit the caps button by mistake didn't mean to SHOUT AT YOU ALL!! oops!! In the middle of it all my dh had a redundancy threat. Shudder.

I meant in the middle of tring to move, not in the middle of my typing! ohh forget it. I'm rambling now so I am going!!

daffy - know exactly what you mean - nearly went into nervous breaksown territory - for me it was more the new build house stress and getting all the money togther in time to complete.

Nutjob

moved 3 weeks ago - ds is fine on the surface but has wet his bed twice (he is nearly 4) and gets up very early now (5.30). DD 1.5yrs is quite clingy but settled ok. DH is away and has been for a while so he wasn't there to help - I think my stress obviously put a strain on us all and the children were certainly affected by it - I think a good plan is for one parent ot take the children away to grandparents for a few days 'holiday' whilst the other (ie husband/partner) does the move. It's easier all round and the children will have lots of attention and time away to get used to and excited about the new house.

Daffy - Aaaarrrgggghhhh, you are sooooooooooooo right, why is it that we seem like the only ones who are actually interested in getting this all going through. Do these people not want to move or what?!!! I have told my dh I am NEVER doing this again. I have an aunt and uncle who move every 5 years or so, I don't know how that do it.

My mum was astonished when I expressed concern as to how the boys would cope with the move ... We moved at the same 'time' - I was almost 3, and my brother was 5. We were moving from Zambia, where we'd lived all our lives, to live temporarily with my gran for 6 months, before my dad returned to UK too, found a job, and somewhere permanent to live ...! Apparently she never gave us a second thought, people didn't 'agonise' about kids the way they do now. ... so she says anyway!

Well, hope it goes well for you nutjob and that you soon have a 'definite' story to tell to dd. I'm sure it's the uncertainty that is bothering her.

I agree with NorthernLass - we farmed the kids off to grandparents for a fortnight whilst we packed/moved/unpacked. They all had a fantastic holiday together, and moved in to a sorted house without all the trauma inbetween. Do you have anyone who could do this for you?

We moved when dd was 4, ds not quite 3; he was definitely the more anxious about it - v. concerned about toys, bed etc. The toys we got round by letting him pack them up himself and taking them in our car.
For a long time (even now occasionally) he was saying he wanted to move back to the old house - we eventually found out that what he really wanted were his curtains (only home-made blue stripy things, nothing special) so I asked for them back (fortunately the buyers were happy to do this as they had only needed them temporarily). Unfortunately we couldn't get his curtains to fit his bedroom so I turned them into a shoebag for when he started school - however, he still asks for his curtains even though he knows they're a shoebag now

Roundabout way of saying - try to prise from your ds & dd exactly what are the important things to them.

We moved a few months ago with ds(4) and dd (16 months). We didn't move far, so it meant that ds kept all his friends, in fact has actually moved closer to most of them. He did keep asking questions like 'will all my toys be at the new house', so we just kept reassuring him that we would take everything with us.

On the day we moved, we made a point of getting his room sorted first, to try and make him feel at home. We also let him choose some new bedding and curtains before we moved, so he was excited about having these in the new house. He does still have some friends who live near our old house, so we made a point of not going back for a few weeks, but inviting them to us instead. Fortunately, he now seems settled and has actually said that he likes this house better - it has helped that it is quite a bit bigger than our old house, so he does have a lot more rrom to play.

We moved about six months ago when DS1 was 3 3/4. Due to circumstances we decided it would be best to have him stay with my parents for a few days while we were moving but did try and involve him in packing up some of his stuff before he left and kept showing him the new house, explaining what was going to happen. He still talks about the old house and says he wants to go to the old house, for a while he thought he had left toys at the old house but that seems to have stopped now. When I explain to DS1 how much better this is house he has a garden now, more space and his own bedroom he just says that "this house is crazy". I'm sure he will settle down eventually.

All the best with your move.