I'm facing up to the fact that my life will never be complete

[Wantingtobehappy]

I had a pretty major accident recently. I was badly hurt but incredibly fortunate to have come off as lightly as I did.

Since then everything in my life just feels so flat and empty. I have tried and tried to be happy and feel thankful to be alive but being honest I find every day a complete struggle.

I am constantly reminded of all the things I don't have in my life. The fact that I am always the one running round looking after being everyone else's support and that nobody really gives a shit about me. Not because I'm not loved- I know I am, but because people are just used to me being the strong, supportive fun one. I don't seem able to be that person any more and I find myself not knowing who the fuck I am anymore.

Aside from my job I have nothing really. No partner, no children. I'm unlikely now to ever have either and I might as well have no family at the moment. Odd that I am posting on a parenting board isn't it? That's largely because I don't belong anywhere really so here seems as good a place as any to post this.

Ignore me if it's easier than racking your brains to think of something supportive to say. I'm hoping it helps me to just get all of this out.

OK, my love, you've had some good specific advice here.

PTSD is very likely given what a nasty accident you had, and am I right to think that a short time after there was another fatal accident nearby? Good grief woman it's entirely understandable you are experiencing delayed shock! Don't be hard on yourself!

FWIW we had a family event a while back which triggered PTSD and a nervous breakdown in DP. That event revived distressing memories of much earlier life events for him, some clearly connected to what happened to us, some much more obscurely linked. So it's only natural that you might now be revisiting your bereavement and how you were deceived by another friend.

His treatment for depression is NOT known about at work and he has largely coped well, not needing to be signed off sick at any point. So, don't let work issues stop you from at least going to see your GP. Not all people with depression have to take sick leave

Finally - would you like a partner? If so, have you considered an online agency? I only ask this because I know two women, both of whom felt time had run out for them romantically, who have met and married men through Match.com in the last year. One, in particular, was very down about her lack of a significant other, so much so that she felt she didn't really have much to offer. It took just a couple of coffees/lunches with such a nice ordinary guy for hope and happiness to revive. Online dating is not just for exuberant sexy confident party animals!

You have masses to offer friends, lovers and family. I know you can't see it that way right now but that doesn't make it untrue.

*of course I meant your!

OP, please don't take offence to my asking about your profession. As I said above, I know a few journos who have reported some similar problems to yours and it occurred to me that their industry (and perhaps yours?) might exacerbate their feelings of emotional and relational isolation.

One of my journo friends is recovering from a breakdown and has been basically shunned by all his colleagues. Nice. Another one suffers from intermittent depression and, despite having a wonderful wife and children, frequently reports a deep dissatisfaction with his life as a whole. Both of them adore their work but are becoming increasingly aware that the superficiality of the industry makes their careers seem meaningless at this stage in their lives.

Perhaps your work is not so superficial, in which case ignore this post. I know very little about PTSD but you have lots of good advice on this thread so I'll bow out. Best of luck.

It does sound as though you may have some specific mental health issue (PTSD or depression) that it would be worth seeing your GP about.

Other than that, could you turn around your no-partner, no-children status into a no-ties status? For example, could you negotiate six months (or even three months) unpaid leave from work and go round the world? Gap years (or gap slightly-less-than-years) aren't just for teenagers any more. Could you negotiate two years off to go and volunteer with VSO -- obviously don't know what you do but if you've worked your way up to a resonably senior level in whatever it is there's a good chance they could use your skills.

Or to start smaller, could you get involved in a charity trek up Kilimanjaro or along the Great Wall of China or something like that? It would give you a short-term sense of purpose over the months of training, and a break away from your normal environment to clear your head.

(I'm thinking that the VSO or charity trek options could build on what seems to be a natural impulse for you to try to help others, but in a context where you could get a lot out of it as well rather than being walked all over)