Comment from my mum today made me feel really rubbish

[IlanaK]

First I should say that there is no point to my telling you all this except to get it off my chest!

I have agonised for a year now about putting ds1 (4 in July) into nursery. We are going to Home Ed so I didn't feel the need from an educational point of view, but more social and that he would enjoy it. Problem one was my very very high standards. I run my own nursery (not local enough for him to attend) so nothing else was good enough. Problem two was money. Prices here (in central london) were way too much for us to afford.

Anyway, I finally found one I liked. My mum agreed to pay half as she really wanted him to go to a jewish one like this. And with government funding too it became almost affordable for 2 sessions (they wanted 3, but I talked them into letting him attend just 2).

Ds started this week and totally loved it. My mum asked me how it went and I told her he asks everyday to go back. Her comment? "Well, if you didn't have lunch out each week, you could afford to send him for another session".

We eat out ONCE a week as a family on the weekend at a restaurant for lunch. It is the only self indulgance I have. My life is totally devoted each day to looking after the kids, taking them places for their fun and devleopment. I don't have anything just for me. I don't drink, smoke, go out in the evenings, shop for things for me (though I do shop for the kids).

I know what she said was not meant to hurt me, but it really did. Do I have to give up everything? Do you all give up everything for your kids? I actually think they benefit from lunch out as well as us.

And I can't say anything to her because she will tell me I am overreacting and she didn't mean it that way.

Ok, rant over.

Ignore it, the fallout from discussing it would not be worth it, he is your child and you have to do what your conscience tells you.

My conscience would be telling me that family/social integration with adults etc., once a week is just as important as social integration with children.

I know exactly how you feel. We are quite poor at the moment so we didn't get ds a Xmas or b/day present (he's only one and was 9 months at Xmas so didn't know anyway) - we knew family and friends would get him loads of stuff anyway. My sister then said to me 'when will you bother getting him presents' as though we were the cruellest parents. I'm sure she didn't mean any offence but I mulled the comment over in my mind for ages

poor you, try not to let it ruin your day, it was either a thoughtless comment or meant to get to you - best ignored

also (sorry on a roll now) when ds was about 4 months my mum said 'I'd get him eating solids now' as though I was starving him and although I told her what the current WHO advice is I still couldn't help thinking for ages what she meant, if she thought I was starving him etc. And it drove me nuts when he was very young and MIL visited and everytime I put him down for a nap she'd say 'he's not tired' cos she wanted to hold him. Fgs I think I knew my baby better than she did. Sorry, rant over

They benefit loads from having regular visits to restaurants. For a start I have dst (3) who don't run around screaming when they go out for lunch as they are used to it, it is important for your ds as much as the nursery is.

We are on a tight budget but we take the boys out whenever we can as it is more beneficial to them to have family fun than sit around penny pinching!

Ilana, I know how hard it is to forget and ignore when you feel you have been got at but try your best. You are right. And I wish I was brave enough to Home Ed, good on you.

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