Have to leave 16 month old for 10 days... would love some advice

[betweenthelines]

I have to leave my 16 month old for 10 days to go to Africa and it's breaking my heart, I'm a stay at home mom and we spend every waking minute together and I love spending every minute with her. My parents are looking after her and they want to look after her at our house for 3 days and then take her to there house (in a different city) for about 4 and then come back to our house for the last 2... I think that my husband and I being gone is a big enough adjustment on her so I really don't want her bouncing back and forth between cities and she never sleeps well at my parents, and then it takes her a few nights to get her sleeping well once she's home... I know my parents are helping us out and it's a lot to ask but I've tried convincing my mom that it would be easier on our little girl and her if they just stayed here and it's a little less for her to adjust to. My father said she's smart and she'll adjust fine and that she needs to learn to adjust... but I really think it's too much in such a short period of time. Any suggestions or advice on how to handle the situation would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long message.

I'm afraid I have no practical advice other than I really feel for you. I have a 4 yr old and a 16 month old and I couldn't leave either of them for anything like that length of time so perhaps I'm not the best person to comment!
It's clear that you are going to be the one who knows your daughter the best and I would hope your parents would respect your choice to have her stay in a familiar environment. But I suppose the alternative argument is that they are doing you a favour by having her for such a length of time and perhaps they are entitled to feel comfortable too. It may also be that if she stays at home she'll expect to see you round the corner whereas at least that wouldn't happen at their house.

I always find that actually when we're away (only ever for 1 or 2 nights not as long as op) my 2 are a lot more settled at my mum and dads than at ours... If they're at our house they expect us to come home where as if they're away we treat it like a "holiday" - hows her understanding - you can build it up to her get her to help pack some special toys to take tec. IME children react a lot better to seperation than we think they will do.

I tend to agree with katylou -- at home she's constantly confronted with places and situations where you "ought" to be but aren't, which isn't an issue in an unfamiliar setting.

I think it will be worse for you than it is for her. I do sympathise but I think if your mum and dad are looking after her, I think you have to accept that they will want to look after her in their own home. I also agree with the other posters who say she'll probably miss you less if she's somewhere different.

It will also be really useful for you if she's happy going to your parents' house - my DS adores visiting mine which means I know that now he views going to stay with them as a treat which is great if I want some time off!

Sorry, OP, but if this thread was posted on my exDH/DP wants to take our 16 month -old away for 10 days, MN would be up in arms. What's the difference?

Would you be happier if your parents took her to their house for the entire time?

My two are used to us being away for short periods of time and don't mind if they are home or at Granny's house. I think they enjoy the novelty of Granny's house.

Well i can't believe no one has asked already...but why do you HAVE to go? You obviously don't want to leave her.

Echt - What do you mean?

BTL - why do your parents want to go back and forth, is there something they need to do at home, or just want to be there. I would say that she is probably best in just one place, but not necessarily home for the same reasons that the others gave.