hes ays marriage is over but doesnt want to move out

[woblybot]

my husband and i have been married for 16 years. we have 3 boys 15 years and younger. things have been tense for a year or so both snapping at each other. he finally said the other day he loves me but is not in love with me.and we should split up. he is being very reasonable, but says we should live together as friends, for the kids . i do still love him and want to make a go of it but he says no way. it is tearing me apart. he has moved to the spare room. we have sat the kids down and told them. they are heartbroken. i am confused.

I don't think it's very reasonable of him to want to be "friends" when that's not the way you feel about him - if your relationship had drifted that way and you both just felt friendship then it could maybe work, but I'd say he's messing you around if he wants to change the relationship while still getting all the comforts of home.

I agree with AMum. He's taking the piss because he probably doesn't want the expense of divorce. So basically he plans to cock lodge until he finds another bird. You're already told the kids you're split, so that's that done.

He's being a prick, too, knowing you want to make a go of it and saying it's over, but not wanting to move out so you can start healing and moving on.

Get a solicitor.

Sounds to melike he doesn't want to be with you but can't be arsed moving out.

Absolutely not. He wants out of the marriage then he has to move out of the marital home. And believe me, your kids won't thank you for hanging around with him when you're obviously so unhappy and he treats you like you don't matter. What happens when he wants to bring a woman home or spend a night away? No no no. don't do it.

thanks, i realise now, after loads of tears he is right i feel relieved now we are parting, but he is currently out of work, and his family and real friends live 100 miles away. keeps saying kids come first and i agree totally, he seems really happy now, but keeps telling me cant afford to move out, needs deposit for flat, and how little income support he will get. i know he should go, but he is making a good job of getting the sympathy out of me. have asked him to go to a friends for a few days to give me space so i can relax and sort things outin my head. i know it is for the best, am booked to get advice on benefits etc next week. cant help feeling sorry for him , although i know its his choice not to try and work things out. he assures me there is no one else and i like to believe him, but you never know they lie dont they to let you hear what you want to hear. hes not a bad man . i know it will get better just doesnt seem like that at the moment

But you have sympathy for him AND you love him. Stay strong. Of course you understand and feel for him but that doesn't mean you will be able to cope having the man you love sharing a house with you but not as your husband. If the feeling of "friendship" was mutual, fine. But it's not.

God sorry. I think I hit send too fast.

I also wanted to say good luck and stay strong!