How long do your lunch guests usually stay?

[Mum2boy]

This might sound a silly question but we've had a few people over for lunch in the last couple of days, and it started me thinking. Occasionally when we go to someone's place for lunch or when they come over to us, lunch can go on for about 5 or 6 hours. But I've also noticed that some people will only stay for a couple of hours and then disappear, and it makes me wonder whether it's because they're not really enjoying themselves. What is everyone else's experience with this? Perhaps I'm reading too much into it (a touch of paranoia setting in ), but I really went to a lot of trouble with food & everything on Saturday, and our guests left after 2 1/2 hours - they didn't really have a lot to eat and when I offered dessert, only one person wanted it!! I had made a strawberry tart in the morning before they arrived, and when they left, I felt as though I'd gone to a lot of trouble for nothing. It's hard work cooking and tidying the house when you have a 3 yr old hanging on to your leg for much of the time (as everyone here would know!)

By the way, these aren't people who have to leave to pick up children or anything like that. We also only have one child, and he's no trouble - quite sociable actually - so it's not as if there are a lot of children running around either, to annoy anybody. I just feel that things would go on a bit longer if people were enjoying themselves... what do other people think, and have you ever felt the same way yourselves? Thanks.

dont worry about it,im sure they enjoyed themselves and your cooking but some people are nervous about overstaying their welcome or maybe saturday beign the only day they can do their shopping etc they wanted to make the most of the day don`t let it worry you or put you off inviting people around!!

Generally I would expect a 'lunch date' to be 2.5 hrs absolute max., ... but that is with the consideration that we have got boisterous children, and usually our guests have too. After 2.5 hrs everyone's had enough of one another, either here or there! Also we do have pretty busy lives and if we have people for lunch, or accept an invitation elsewhere, then we often have something else to go and do before the end of the day too, especially on a Saturday.

I love going camping with friends, and there meals seem to last for ever - all day actually, and the kids just come and join in when they feel like it. But normal life just isn't like that - well not for us anyway.

If you would like people to stay much longer, I think you need in some way to be much clearer in the invitation ... maybe say you can stay as long as you like, but I do need to put ds to bed at 7, or whatever - to give them some sort of guideline as to what you envisage.

I must admit I would be horrified if a 'lunch guest' were still here 5 or 6 hrs later, and as a lunch guest even if I were having a terrific time, would be expecting to leave mid-afternoon.

Just to add - if I was hosting a "lunch" I wouldn't go to so much trouble as I would for a dinner. ie 2 courses would be plenty and something which didn't require a lot of preparation/cooking while the guests were there. Obviously you could go to more effort with guests who hang around for a bit longer! Also, perhaps Sundays would be better when there isn't as much going on.

How close are you to the people that came round? I know that people I am close to would stay all afternoon - well probably all evening as well if the alcohol comes out
Thinking of it I was invited to a friends house last week for lunch - come round at 11am (unfortuantly running very late and was 2 hours late - noone minded) and stay until 4.30pm so yes I think 2 1/2 hours doesn't sound long.

I have had lunches at my house and people would not leave...... that's happened to me 3 times (BTW this is not a lunch that happened with a mumsnetter in case she reads this )...
I have asked in the past how long do people expect a lunch to last as these guests were still at my house past 1800!
and today we were invited for lunch and were there at 1300 and left at 1700... which is for me quite long actually - in today's case I felt my kids were really tired and starting to cry a bit too often for anyone to enjoy this anymore! I could have stayed though as it was very relaxing!

We don't usually invite for lunch. We had a barbie yesterday and invited from 2.30pm, eat around 4pm, go whenever.

Last guests left at around 10pm which is fine by me. Sometimes people don't even get around to leaving and stay over which is also fine.

We don't tend to invite people we don't know well though. As long as everyone is getting on well I don't mind how long people stay.

If it was a Sunday and everyone had something to do the next day (school, work) I'd expect people to go by around 7pm, but would prob invite them over at 12 for 1.30pm.

I have had the opposite problem, people stay far too long! Come for lunch at 1 and left at 9! Drink me out of house and home, sorry if I sound stingy and miserable, but last time we had people over 8 bottles of wine were drunk and they brought 1! Never feel that I can ask people to leave or say that I have no wine left, tried offering coffee but to no avail. Woudl love to invite this family over more often but to cook lunch for 9, 4 adults adn 5 children and provide 7 bottles of wine stretches my limited budget. Must add that all adults and children hve a fantastic time. what would anyone else do?

ps got them coming again mid may! Been saving up!!

Mum2boy - poor you, you must be feeling quite low to feel like this. Some people stay ages because they feel comfortable but others only stay a short time because they think that having kids you might value time on your own at the weekend. I'm positive it wsn't anything to do with what you made or said - if you took all that trouble I bet it was F.A.B. I certainly would have eaten the whole strawberry tart!! And its hard and tiring to do it with children in tow so I bet you feel really unappreciated for all your effort.

Got to admit though that I feel really paranoid about what I cook and think that they hate me if they don't eat it all and seconds and thirds(but saying that had aubergine daube at a friends that they made specially for me as I don't eat meat, which was horrible and couldn't even finish the first portion and couldn't tell them.....so hid it in a plant.....).

lilibet - how about suggesting that people bring something to eat for a 'pot luck' kind of affair. And you shouldn't feel guilty about not providing loads wine, it's not obligatory, what about doing a big bowl of a Sangria type thing couple of bottles of cheap red load of fruit juice and sparkly water, orange chunks?? Then when it runs out just don't feel guilted into providing more alcohol. And as Roisin says give them an idea of when you expect things to wrap up and stick to it. I have to do it as my children thrive on their routine and when it comes to bed time I just brazen it out and say 'right folks got to throw you out now as its time for the children to go to bed' etc etc.

Hope I've been helpful.

big kiss both xx

Lilibet - how about sending an invite with 'Ladies a plate; gents a crate' on? Not-so-subtle hint to bring food and booze

I've wondered about this too. Most people seem to stay 2-3 hours for lunch. I think, as someone said, it's in case they feel they're hogging your day. I often do lunches because friends seem to get booked up in the evenings. I always do a pudding, as I'm addicted to them myself and won't miss an excuse. Mum2boy, I'd have eaten all your tart too.
Slightly off topic, something always goes wrong when I entertain. Last week I made a chilli that was far too hot. Usually, I run late and get het up and everything gets sloppy and Fawlty-Towers-ish. It's hilarious, actually. Then a few weeks later, I do it all over again, ever convinced that THIS TIME, it will all be perfect.

Mum2boy, I'm sure its just paranoia setting in - If you'd all had lunch out you'd not expect it to last more than about 2 1/2 hours, and as others have said, they may well have had an evening appointment, or are trying to be considerate of your time.

I've had both senarios (speedy leavers and lingerers) sometimes at the same lunch and try not to worry about either generally keeping stuff for an easy tea (pasta bake) should lunch turn into dinner and making sure one of the guests accompanies dp to the offlicence to 'help' should the booze still be flowing.

SueW's suggestion is becoming increasingly popular with my friends - last friday there was a joint celebration were we brought pud, this Saturday we're off to a 2nd liver birthday party (friend had transplant) and we're bringing the main course (!not! liver and onions). This way everyone puts in some effort, and has a stake in the event going well, and the costs are shared so it's not prohibitive to host a party.