Can anyone help me with my funeral poem ??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I'm writing a poem for my Grandmother in laws funeral. She asked me if I would when she was alive, as she liked the wedding one I did for my friend.
My Brother in law wants to read it out.
I'm having real problems starting it though. The beginning just dosnt sound right, it sounds as if there is too much squeezed in.

At the moment it starts like this:

When I first met your grandson Steve, to think I never knew,
what a lovely family I'd be blessed with marrying in to.

What do you think? how could I improve it?

I really want it to be special, as she ment so much to all of us.

Maybe shorten it down a bit? Presumably most people will know who you're married to.

When I first met your grandson, I never knew
What a lovely family I'd marry into

Poems are tricky things, if I were you I wouldn't worry about starting at the beginning IFKWIM? I normally start off with whatever lines pop into my head and then inevitably end up rearranging the whole thing later on.

Don't feel obliged to make it all rhyme either - if you're worried about it sounding a bit greetings-card like, maybe just try writing down exactly what you want to say in the style of a stream of consciousness and don't worry about metre or rhyme or anything like that. You may find that it sounds good even if it's not sticking to a formal scheme.

sorry about your gramdma in law....

lovely that you want to honor her.

how about something like...

to steve, you were called grandma, the best a boy could have,
i'm honoured to have shared you, and be blessed too with your love.

mmm. its a start!

what else have you got?

Could you break it down into 4 lines?

When I first met your grandson Steve,
To think I never knew,

And then just work on this bit...
What a lovely family I'd be blessed with marrying in to.

Wow, thank you so much. There are some great ideas. I'll wright the whole poem so far and please tell me what you think. The family say they love it, but I think they would even if they didn't. I'll use the new beginning.

When I first met your grandson Steve, I simply never knew, what a blessing I would find,in the family I gained too.
You made me feel so welcome, and It was very clear to see,
just how much you were adored by all your family.
I loved your personallity, you exuberant sence of style, your wicked sence of humour,
which always made me smile.
I'm thankfull you could join us for our wedding day,
a day that was so special in every single way.
As confettie fell around us and the bells rang out so loud,
We could see your smieling face,
So happy and so proud.
And what a wonderful ending, we had to our big day,
to our supprise you threw down your stick and danced the night away.
Then two years later you were there, at the birth of our baby girl.
You shared our joy, shared our tears
and my dear, that meant the world.
We all have such precious memories, that we'll keep within our hearts,
for these will bring great comfort,
when our loved ones depart.
I'm glad you passed so peacefully, for who could ask for more.
Surrounded by your family, that you so much adore.
God saw that you were weary, and he would not let that be.
So he wrapped his arms around you and whispered "come to me".
For us it is with heavy hearts that we now must say good night,
but take with you our love and prayers,
as your sole finds it's way to the light.

That's the whole poem but there are parts which I think could flow better.
Please be honest if you have any ideas of how it could be made better. Or if you don't like something about it.
She asked me if I'd wright a poem before she died, so I don't want to let her down.

I'm just thinking, I should've name changed.

I don't think the

We have such precious memories bit is very good. It dosn't sound right.

I wanted to express the fact that these are just my memories and everyone has there own special memories that I hope will bring them comfort.

I'd also like to mention some where that she ment so much to so many people from all over the world.

I think it's lovely. Very moving, and it's clear how much you all loved her, which is what you're trying to say for everyone there.

However, if your BIL is reading it out, it does have your memories in - your wedding, and your daughter - and I think you might need to expand that section to make it clear that, as you say, the whole family have their different memories of her.

When anyone dies, people usually say they live on in our hearts and memories, and although that sounds a bit , I've always found it true, so sharing memories is a good thing to do.

Thank you. I've spoken to my mother in law and brother in law, and we've agreed that if my brother in law is reading it, it would be confusing that it's all my memories, so I've re written it.

It now flows much better and the beginning is all about how much she meant to the family etc. I've kept the ending as that's from all of us.