I keep hurting myself when I can't stop my baby crying

[mindsablank]

DD (5 months) has always been a rubbish sleeper, but never used to cry much. Recently she's started having inconsolable episodes when trying to get her to sleep. She's still very happy during the day.

It's becoming a real flashpoint for me because after 5 months of sleep deprivation the only comfort was that she'd wake up, feed for however long and go back to sleep. I didn't mind too much that it was every one and a half or two hours. But on top of that she's now crying for an hour and needing to be bounced around to calm her down.

I'm so tired and in the middle of the crying I'm convinced I've done this that and the other wrong and it's all my fault she's screaming and I'm an idiot. I can't bear it and end up thumping my thigh or knocking/whacking my head. It feels ridiculous to think of it now, but in the middle of the night it's an impulse I can't stop.

It hasn't happened that often and I'd like to be very clear that I never direct any violence towards my beautiful daughter.

What can I do to stop myself next time it happens?

anyone?

OK, I can't let this one go past without offering deep sympathy: the phase around 5 months is often pretty grim, particularly if you have a duff sleeper.

I suspect your hurting is a sign of some degree of depression, which is often associated with sleep deprivation. Don't panic, it may well lift very quickly if you can find a way to get a bit more rest.

You've probably had this conversation a million times before, so I apologise, but is there anyone who can take over the night feeds for one or two nights a week? Anyone who can take her for a decent period during the day so you can nap? From experience I would say you're probably going to need to use earplugs or move as far away as possible from her to get any rest - if you can hear her at all, you probably won't sleep.

I think it's just a way of releasing some aggression. You definitely need to try and find another way to address it, though. I understand though, sometimes it is so frustrating being a parent, and I remember going into the hall and having a bit of a tantrum once when dd was crying non-stop in the living room.

IME, it's difficult not to take everything personally when you have a tiny baby, who relies on you for everything, and when you can't soothe them, or you just need some sleep, you feel like you are doing everything wrong. Be kind to yourself, sleep deprivation is torture.

Thanks gizmo. Unfortunately dd is exclusively breastfed and although we've tried many times she has never taken a bottle of ebf. We've had some marginal success with a doidy cup recently so I'm hopeful she won't be so completely dependent on me for too much longer, and also when she starts on solids in a month's time.

I think it's very easy to blame yourself for your DD's behaviour. When things go 'wrong' with a baby, mother's guilt makes us think that we must have caused it. But of course your DD's sleeping habits are as they are because she's a baby and that's what babies do.....cry lots in the night and want to feed all the time. If you look on the sleep threads on here, it's full of stories of 'bad' sleepers and mums who want to cry/shout at DH/kick the cat all the time.

What I'm saying doesn't help solve your problem but I just want you to understand that your feelings are normal, it's just how you display your anger/tiredness that seems to be the problem. Do you have a DH who can take DD for 5 mins in the night so you can go out of the room and compose yourself rather than do the hitting thing?

PS, 5 months is the worst time for sleeping and it often gets much better after 6 months so you don't have too much longer left until you should get longer stretches of sleep

oooooh, bum .

I mean, great that she's feeding so well, but b*dy hard work for you. 'Tis no wonder you're feeling wiped out.

Does she nap during the day at all?

Thanks pinkjenny and lovelymama. Normally dh would be around to take her if I was getting that wound up. He's been away the last couple of nights though and that's when it's got bad. I know it's not going to be a frequent thing, I've just scared myself a bit that it's happened at all.

sleep deprivation is awful - you have my sympathy.

Sounds like your dd may be overtired. Try putting her to bed a bit before you normally would. Mine got very upset if they got to the yawning stage.

Even at 5 months time between waking and sleeping again was often only 2 hours or less.

And often once daytime sleep is cracked then nighttime settles too.

Earplugs. I am not being flippant. You can still hear her and respond but it dulls the high pitch a bit. Works for me.
You have my sympathy but try not to be too hard on yourself. You are trying to release frustration and not take it out on her which is good obviously.
Hope it all gets better soon.

Honestly Mindsablank, I imagine it's more common than you might think. I used to shake and shout a good bit around this stage, if I remember correctly.

Which is not to say it shouldn't be taken seriously: if you keep on doing this for months then it's a sign that something is seriously off kilter and needs to be changed.

She does nap but fairly inconsistently, so I never know when I put her down how long she'll be asleep for, so it's quite difficult to relax enough to get some sleep myself. Also, I never feel that bad during the day so sleep doesn't seem like a priority! Stupid I know, but at the time I always prefer to have a quiet sit down with a cup of tea and maybe MN a bit...

Sometimes (due to the challenges of a 23mo ) I have to very consciously, calm myself down when dd is playing up. Try talking to yourself, talking yourself down, take a deep breath, sing songs in your head, imagine someone is watching the way you react (sometimes I pretend Supernanny is watching me ).

Second vote for earplugs. Also stops that ghastly syndrome where everything - a distant car, a cat fight outside, wind in the chimney - sounds like a baby and wakes you up.

ds2 was a terrible terrible sleeper up until he was a year old and sleep deprivation is just awful and totally skews your perspective.

I was definately guilty of door slamming, wall banging and swearing at DH on the odd occassion. Ok more than the odd occasion

Pretending someone's watching is interesting. I know I'd never do it in front of dh or anyone else for that matter

ooh would second the ear plugs too. I've always worn them anyway and you can still hear when you need to but it does dull tings a little.

Oh I'm so glad you said that. I felt a bit of a tit moron typing it!

Pink Jenny

Much sympathy . I have a five month old night waker and it is bloody hard, especially as I've been ill for a couple of months. The last couple of nights DH has slept in the living room with DS2 in his pram and given him ebm in the night to give me a break as I'm almost at melting point myself. Will your DD take a bottle at all?

I remember my DS1 going through a similar phase (after being a good sleeper previouly) aand pacing the floor in the wee small hours, rocking the baby and repeating the same line from a childhood ditty over and over and over and over and over again. It didn't stop DS1 from screaming or get him back to sleep but the rocking, pacing and my mantra used to help me deal with it.

It was a phase and it did pass, but I must admit I resorted to a bit of controlled crying in the end (well his dad did). I was also diagnosed with PND at about the same time and I think the night wakings just brought it to a head.

Please speak to your HV about it, or your GP. It may just be something and nothing, but it may be the start of something more serious. You aren't alone in this, and your HV/GP will have heard it before.

RAshmore, you manage to be unpleasant, sick and extremely boring, all in the one post. Reported