my mother always manages to make me feel worse [sad]

[pleaserewind]

After having a really disapointing weekend and a row with dh (on going problems really) I meet up with my mother for our weekly excercise class.

She notices i'm miserable and asks me why (in an accusing sort of way) and when i rant about dh she says 'well you picked him and how do you think it makes me feel when your not happy, it affects my sleep and blah blah blah'

the thing is, no matter what my problems are, if i ever tell her she always makes me feel guilty (and therefore worse) because she goes on about how she's got enough to worry about etc etc.
She tells me how negative i am and then moans herself aaaaaargh

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

(((((((hugs))))))))

Yeah. Horrible. And makes you feel guilty for having bad feelings about your mum. Vicious circle.

I've been quite blunt with my mum in the past - still am from tiime to time - and toldher that I want to look at the positive parts of life more often and not to have my problems criticised. Often sets off a major criticism session, but over time her reactions towards me have become less negative and less hurtful.

Do you think all Mums go on a course or something to learn how to wind up their grown up daughters like this?
I am trying to ignore mine when she starts like this at the moment but I have 37 years of getting wound up by her to unlearn first!

this has only happened once with my mum........very long and boring story of which the outcome was my mother telling me she couldn't cope with my problems, she didn't want to hear it (she was in the middle of a row between me and my sis)so i didn't talk to her for three months.............
i refuse to let her make ME feel guilty for wanting her to listen.

its a very hard situation to deal with....you have my sympathy.

sorry short post but avoid avoid avoid - works for me

They have such a knack for this, don't they? I will always remember the day I told my parents xh and I were splitting up, my mother's first reaction to the news was 'How on earth do you expect me to cope with that?' She still blames my marriage breakup for her depression, fgs...

The only advice I can give is try to ignore. Grit your teeth and remember you're not the only one

thanx everyone, at least i'm not the only one. It's amazing though how all through my childhood and teens she drummed it in that she would always be there for me etc etc and even last christmas she made a big speech about how she would like this be the year we get really close and do lots together.. pah!
snafu, thats awful isn't it, just what you needed at the time i'll bet just the same sort of attitude my mum has.