What to do about an invitation with my name on it but not dh's?

[MrsFogi]

I've been invited to a drinks celebration (a very formal one). My name is on the invite but not dh's. The person who invited me is someone I worked for about 10 years ago. At the time I was going out with dh and the person who has invited me knows I am now married to dh. I take it as dh is not named on the invite he is not invited? Is emailing to check rude? I'd go if dh went but I really don't fancy going on my own as I won't know anyone at all there. Any views?

Can you just email and ask?

I could email and ask but would he not then feel obliged to invite my dh (which I suppose is what I want but if feels rude)?

It is rude to invite you and not your dp, so to email and ask if the invite is extended to your dp is therefore needed - you have been put in a difficult position and that is not your doing. Now you want to get out of that difficult position you will need to be a tad rude through no fault of your own - or you just refuse

rsvp by email and say that you and DH will be happy to come and are looking forward to it.

then the onus is on the host to either confirm or exclude?

How about declining the invite on the basis of you won't know anyone else there if you go alone. Or would that seem a bit silly?

I'm sorry to go against the grain but I think that it is clear that your DH is not invited. Yours is the only name on the invite and you say that the host knows you are married. If they wanted to invite your DH, even if they couldn't remember his name they'd put 'an guest' or some such. Emailing to aks would be rude and pointed. You need to decide if you want to go without him or not go at all.

You worked for them 10 years ago? I wouldn't have the energy/inclination to go to be honest

'and guest'

If you want to go then I would go with MayorNaze's suggestion, they would then have to be very rude to say that your dh isn't invited. If you don't want to go then don't.

Is it a "work" related event? If so, I suppose I wouldn't expect DH to be invited and they may not have thought to invite him either. I expect if you emailed and asked if you could bring your husband they are not going to say no. It was probably an oversight if work related.

oversight probably not the right word - it may just not have occured to them to invite partners of work colleagues.

I have to say my DH would rather stick hot pins in his eyes than come to a formal drinks dinner associated with my work but then I do work in academic pubishing

It won't be work associated as it is someone I worked for 10 years ago but have no professional relationship with now. The problem is when I last talked to him he checked if I was available on the date and I confirmed I was and would "save the date" so now it's going to be a bit difficult to wriggle out of.......

Could you email him and say that when you spoke last time you must have been "talking at cross purposes" (such a useful phrase ) and that you had checked that you and dh are free for his event - and you were and both holding evening free.

But now that thie invite has arrive, it just now has your name on, that you are a little bit confused as to whether or not dh is invited, what event is for, who else will be there etc...

that way, you are at least giving him an opt out to say, 'yes we must have been at x-purposes' while at the same time making him wonder what he said to you to make you think that he invited your dh whilst on the phone .

let us know what you decide to do - and what the outcome is!