Funny/horrid stuff from work

[HappyCrappy]

Hi, another thread that I was on midweek "made" me share some old amusing/horrid stuff from the workplace. More seemed to be required so I said I would start a thread at the weekend, so here goes (I should point out that at the time, I worked for various Local Authority housing departments. Confidentiality in terms of which LA, and also surnames still applies, even though it was ages ago):
There was the woman who used to call me several times a day because her neighbour's son (18yrs old at that time) used to crap quite regularly in her front flowerbed. He was "not quite the ticket" as the local saying went. She would ring me saying "Mrs HC, Mrs HC, he has his pants down and he is about to "do" it - can you come now with your camera and take a picture? I was about 2 miles from her house, so this was probably impossible. She wanted a photo taken as "evidence" for getting her neighbour evicted. I did ask why she didn't just talk to her neighbour about the "issue" - "Oh no, I couldn't - she would know that I was complaining about her" OMG the poor devil (and his Mum) needed help, not a photo of him mid-crap to get them chucked out of their home. Without a complaint, I couldn't even talk to the neighbour about it. I hope he's not some middle aged man still doing it.
There is also the dog/cat dispute; the woman whose house was carpeted with (her own) dried-up turds, the exorcism, and the woman who had no fence. And more, sadly.
I am happy to add more, and I am sure that I am not the only one out there with funny/awful tales to tell?

dried up turds?

People are going to have to go some to beat that...

I used to work in a hospital and I had an old woman telling me one day about how when she was a baby her mother put her down the bottom of the garden, but it was OK because when she got hungry and cried and the mother couldn't hear her, the dog suckled her instead . I had to do the whole "Well that's very interesting..." thing while trying to keep a straight face.

Oh, sadly, yes. The repairmen wouldn't go in, Social Services wouldn't go in. I was where the buck stopped. I only gained entrance 'cos I said I had come about her repairs, and she moaned like buggery that she never got any repairs done. I looked around in horror - the whole place was covered in dried-up shit - hers! The sitting room, the kitchen (eeuw) the hallway, everything. I said I needed to look upstairs and followed her (OMG the back of her skirt was encrusted with dried diarrhoea) so I kept my distance. The first floor was worse - even more dried turds, and some "fresh" ones as well. With my landlord head on, but trying to engage her, I called her by her first name and she glared at me and said "It's Miss X to you" - she is the one living in shit and she wants to teach me etiquette .
I lost it at that point and just told her to clean it up. I would go back in a week and it had better be clean or else.
Anyway, I went back and the house smelt of bleach/disinfectant. All clean and no visible turds. Was quite shocked - she clearly knew what to do. Until I checked the bedroom. All fine until I stood on her bedside rug, and there were lumps underneath. I looked, and she had just swept the turds under there. She calmly picked them up in her hand, opened the window and threw them out into the garden.
At that point I reminded her about the importance of cleanliness and left. Since then, I have never been quite so bothered about less than spotless houses.

That would be a community mental health referral, surely? The mind boggles, it really does...

Although your name suggests you don't have a problem with it

Jammy - that's reminded me - I have a truly dreadful dog story as well, but it's only for those with very strong stomachs.

BOF - we had already tried CMH, but they kicked it back at us

Another hospital one - there was a bloke having a test done that involved him collecting ALL of his poo, in pots labelled with time & date. But once the test was done the poo could only be disposed of at a special licensed incinerator - which was broken for a month. So we had pots of this man's poo stacked up in the corner of the lab waiting for the incinerator to be fixed. It was a very hot August and the man pood a LOT.

Jammy - eeuw. On a less scatalogical theme, a tenants' fence had broken and she came in asking for a new one. The LA didn't supply fences so I told her to provide her own fence. She came back a few days later in a panic - she had been arrested for stealing someone's fence. She told the Police that Mrs HC at the Council had told her to do it and that the Police were coming to see me. They never did, happily. I guess they realised she wasn't the full picnic.