Out to play alone - what age?

[rosehip]

Now the good weather is approaching I start to dread the outside play. I am so overprotective and some friends think I'm mad. We have a 6 foot fence all around our garden and gates with the locks high up, yet I still feel I have to be in the garden all the time with my 2.7 month old. If he is with his sister (6) I am a little better but still only dash in the house to do quick things and then back outside again. I just feel danger everywhere and get really anxious. I HAVE to see him all the time. Also when I see children playing outside (their houses or very nearby) around the same age as my dd I dread her saying when can I play outside on my scooter/bike etc.... We do not live on an estate so maybe it's easier if you do - have even thought about moving for that very reason. Is it just me ....?

I always am very careful with DS and as you do pop in & out of the garden when he is out there (he is 4 now & quite safe in our secure garden but you never know!) a friend of mine has let her DS play out in a cul-de-sac since he was 3 - alone! She says that everyone keeps an eye on the children & that DS pops in & out of house but oh no I think that is too relaxed - do what you feel is best for your own children but I don't think its being over protective to want your young children to be where you can keep an eye on them. Rant over !

Our garden is also enclosed but I still like to be near one of the windows at the back,or outside when my DS's (4.5) are out in the garden.
Last year, I let them ride their scooters in the lane with older children,but I took my garden chair and a book and sat out there too.

Until, this year they have always tended to follow me, if I went back into the house, but now they seem quite happy to stay in the garden, while I go inside, I supose it's a gradual thing that happens, as the years pass, but my hairs stand up on my neck with fright sometimes, when I see really small children playing out.

jac34 - sorry again about saturday - totally agree - why risk your children? Ok we may not be able to protect them for ever but while we can.. rosehip I don't think you are alone with being worried about this - I'd rather have friends (mostly with younger children or none) looking at me as if I'm mad then regretting something later on.

Message withdrawn

I let my DS1 (four) out in the garden by himself (secure walled garden with locks on gates etc), some days he is out almost all day but I just keep a regular eye on him, either through the window our popping out from time to time. I don't know when I would start letting DS2 (10 months so not an issue for a while) out to play in the garden as we didn't have a garden until recently (DS1 almost four when we moved) so it has never been an issue. We don't live on an estate and in a way it is a good thing as playing in our street will never be an option (Main Road) however I don't know how I will feel if he makes friends with someone who lives on an estate and he goes round there to play, I think I would be really worried, although I always thought that I would never leave him alone in the garden when we moved. It is a worry though, you want to let them have their freedom but there are so many dangers too.

I let DS,5, DD1,2, and DD2, 18 months go into the garden alone. If the baby was to fall my son would come and tell me anyway. Our garden is safe and there is no way of them getting out. I check on them but I tend to sit in the garden myself after all the housework is done. I won't allow DS outside in the front as he has no road sense and I simply don't trust him on his own or with other kids.

My kids love coming and going as they please and DD2 now thinks she is all grown up......... bless

Rosehip

I really feel for you I am exactly the same.
Last summer when my ds was 8 1/2 and twins were 6 I was just letting them start to play out the front and go along the lane but I was still watching (without them realising off course, pretending to tidy garden and garage) when Jessica and Holly went missing and tragically were found murdered. That really affected me so I was terrified for them to be out of my sight, and I have found it very hard since.
Recently I have been letting them out again while I stay in the house and I have managed to occupy myself and just check on them every 5/10 mins, the thing is all their friends 6 and 7 year olds are allowed out and around in a much wider area, so its not really good to contain them, you have to let go eventually.
Definitely with your youngest one, he is too young to be left for a long time on his own.
I am hoping that this summer mine will go round in gangs with the other children, they should be safer that way, but at the end of the day you have to do what you feel it right.
Another worry is when they go round to a friends' for tea say after school, I have said in the past to the mum, "Oh by the way I don't let ds out" but some parents just assume it is ok.
A friend of mine found out that her daughter and friend aged 7 were allowed to play out in a field at the friends' house even though my friend had told the mum that she wanted her to be within sight. The mum was indooors!!!!!

DS1 & 2 (4 and 2) play out in the garden by themselves now. The garden is enclosed (apart from a bit right at the back where the fence is missing but they've never gone anywhere near that bit of the garden). I check out the window every now and then but basically let them get on with it. DS1 is a sensible, grown up 4yo though.

Ok, I know my situation is different. I live on an estate in the country with fifty houses around a very large green. There are always mothers and fathers around and we all know and look out for each others children. Many of us leave our front doors open and the children spend ages out on the green.

I let my two sons (almost five and almost three) out to play by themselves all the time. The only rule is that they have to call me if they are going to play in someone's house.

It was the same when I was a kid. I remember playing outside with the other kids from the estate without my mother. They were the best times. Especially the long Summer evenings, playing marbles and chasing and feeling independent and free.

.rosehip i am having the same problem my daughter is nearly six.every day she crys to get out the garden . she is the only one in the street that doesent get out. the children in my street ages range from 4 to 9 some of them have been getting out since age 3.i think of silly things like my daughter not looking and falling on the road with her scooter. it would be so easy to let her go out but i just cant do it that is why i end up with a garden or house full of children she asks me why she doesnt get out and everyone else does the only thing i can tell her is i love her and want to keep an eye on her. is it just me that thinks the other mums are being so irresponsible

My ds is 3.7 and he goes and plays in the garden by himself. He plays away fine in his sand pit etc. I always keep an eye on him but he can't get out so I feel he is safe. However I don't feel as though I will ever let him out into the scheme. I would just worry too much. But saying that there will come a time he will want to go out and play with the other children but I hope that will be years away!! There has been three little children that have been wandering about since they were 2.5. I feel terrified for them but they are alot more street wise than my ds and nothing has ever happened to them.

Our street is usually full of children on warm evenings. Mostly boys playing football, but a handful of local girls, too, aged 4+. My eldest is only 3 so I have to be out there... always surprises me how I'm the ONLY adult in sight with all the little ones.

I used to have a nightmare with this in our previous house - dd1 was 2, dd2 was just born, and there were a few other kids (2 5 yesr-olds and their little brother, 3) who used to play out all the time (it was a cul-de-sac). I couldn't let dd out on her own, so used to end up wandering aimlessly around trying to keep an eye on her while placating a colicky screaming newborn. As others have said, they all quite often ended up in my house - I didn't feel I could let dd go to their houses too often, as keeping an eye on a 2 year-old is a different proposition to a 5 year-old. Whenever they were out, they would call for dd and unless I let her out, I never got a moments peace. frankly I was glad when we moved away (bad mum).
Our house now is on a very busy main road, with no other children in the near vicinity, and our garden is very well enclosed. I'm happy to let them play out on their own (6 and nearly 4), with an occasional check on them, but I am really relieved that I don't have that "playing out" dilemma any more

My ds has been playing outside the front of our house since the age of 4, he is now 7. I never thought I would get to that stage for him to play out. I used to watch him staring out at the other children playing, and he used to get really upset when the others would come and knock for him to play and I would never let him go. I did eventually let him play out for short supervised periods of time. I now let him play out longer and only with other children, never on his own. We live in a cul-de-sac on the edge of a park. The children that play range from 4 upto 12 years. I was always a great believer of the under fives staying inside (remember the adverts from the 80's). I have seen a huge difference in his behaviour playing with the older children, who are brilliant with him. He use to be very quiet and is now much more confident than his friends who have never mixed with older ones or played out the front. One of the 12 year old boys has taught my ds to ride a bike and is now helping him to skateboard and rollerblade up nursery ramps, supervised by me of course. I also got fed up being the only parent who let's children play in our garden all the time, could be the fact that we bought him the TP challenger garden equipment and our garden is very child friendly.
It always amazes me how many parents don't let other children play in their precious landscaped gardens. Is it any wonder the children are turfed out on the street to play. I often hear parents say go and play round my house as I love having children round.

I let my two older kids (7 and 5) play outside in the garden and in the lane (our house in on a country lane, quiet but cars do come down it to access their houses further up the lane). Basically, they are allowed to come and go as they please and although they are not always in sight, they are always within calling distance. I realise a lot of people might think this totally irresponsible though. We live in a village (not in UK) where everyone knows everyone else and their kids. My kids go next door to help the farmer with the lambs, chickens etc.

I have such glorious memories of being 'free' as a child and would spend hours roller skating, playing two baller etc and all not within sight of my mum. I realise that today things may be different (although statistics would seem to suggest that this is not necc. true) but I really want to give my kids that sense of freedom and self-reliance that I had as a child. Of course, if anything ever happened to them I would blame myself completely and live with the guilt for the rest of my life but where do you draw the line?

I really think it depends where you live. We used to live on the main road through an estate, & every vehicle coming past was speeding, so I refused to let mine out. they were allowed in the back garden.
When we moved to a quiet cul-de-sac my boys were 10, 8 & 6 & I started to let them out. I still get twitchy when I can't hear or see them, even though the 2 little ones are now 11 & 13.

it does depend on where you live - i was lucky in this regard i lived in a cul - de -sac with mother and father in law at the bottom of the cul de sac ster and bro in law at the other end and good friend next door. on an estate where i knew most people, who would delight in telling me the wrongs my children did.
they started about 6

Couldn't agree more Oxocube!