Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

1 2

Original poster

am i being silly

44 replies

starshaker · 07/04/2005 11:35

am just looking for what other people think about this. im 39 wks pg and my dp sister is going away to get married its just her and her partner thats going no other family which is fine as its next weeks they go. when they come home they are having a reception for all their family and friends thats on 7 may. my prob is i will have had the baby by then and plan to b/f. if im late my baby will only be a couple of weeks old and i dont think id be happy about leaving her with any1 and dont want to mix expressing and b/f at this stage. even if she came now she would only be a few weeks so the same would prob apply. the reception is in a quiet pub that has a no smoking section and wouldnt be to loud so i sugested to dp that i went to the meal and maybe stayed for an hour then took baby home while he could stay and enjoy the rest of the night. i was then told that the baby wasnt allowed to come cos it would take the attention away from her and she didnt want that.

am i just being silly or do i have reason to be really offended by this

OP posts:

beatie · 07/04/2005 15:35

Just be sure to have a naming ceremony or Christening for the baby and suggest to DP his sister does not attend, as her flashing her ring about might take attention away from the baby

I would hate to be put in this situation. I am sorry that your DP's sister and DP don't understand the complexities of establishing a feeding relationship with such a young baby.

Newborn babies are so easy to take to such events. If you're breastfeeding, no-one need ever hear the baby cry and they sleep so much. They're so tiny, few people will even notice there is a baby present.

Are DP's parents alive? What do they think about you and their grandchild being excluded?

jangly · 07/04/2005 15:42

Yes, you do have good reason to be offended. She is being pathetic. Yours is a very good plan. You are being caring and considerate. She'd better grow up quick before she starts a family herself or I don't give much for anyone's chances! Stick to your guns.

bibiboo · 07/04/2005 16:45

I think you are totally right to be offended. Her reasoning is very selfish and she obviously doesn't know much about being a new mother.

We asked for no children where possible at our wedding (very small venue, not many children in families anyway etc) but babies were not included in that request. I would NEVER have expected a new mother to leave her baby. There was uproar with dhs side of the family at the reception though as a friend brought her 2wk old son and 2yr old daughter 200 miles to celebrate with us and they saw that as "breaking the no children rule". I spent ages trying to explain (on my bloody wedding day!) that she couldn't leave the littlest one anyway as she was bf and I couldn't then expect her to bring only 1 of her children and find an overnight sitter for the other. The only other children involved were 2 young teenagers who we have never met and who aren't even related to us, so I don't think I was being all that unreasonable. It's still a sore point with dh's family though.

Preggars · 07/04/2005 17:01

Weddings - ahh, they bring the best out in people don't they!

I could not have left my 2 week old DS with anyone, and breastfeeding cannot be interrupted so early on. I hope it's just your SIL that is being out of order, and that this won't cause extra stress from MIL for not attending...??

I took DS to a wake when he was 8 weeks and some lady just picked him up and walked into another room (without asking me).. When I followed her, she said to all the cackling cows, ooh, spot the new mother. Hellooow.

Jimjams · 07/04/2005 17:08

oh dear a clueless bridezilla. Tell her you rang your midwife, who said that it would totally scupper your chances of bfeeding (it could well do- recipe for mastitis that early on), so you're terribly sorry but you can't come. The last thing you'll feel like 2weeks after birth is a wedding anyway. Dont bother arguing with your dp now, when his baby is born he'll come round.

Attention honestly. DS1 went to his first wedding at 6 weeks of age, there was another baby there 4 weeks old. I don't think the bride was threatened (my cousin) she was busy grabbing the babies to cuddle.

victoriapeckham · 07/04/2005 17:17

All this passive-aggressive scheming, trying to make her feel guilty by not going, or telling everyone how mean she is, is a bit childish. In the long run, she is in your family (unfortunately).

Why not just TALK to her. Go and see her. Tell it like it is. Maybe her views are being mis-represented. Or she hasn t thought it through cos she hasn't a clue about babies. Or she will see your point.

Then she may either understand, apologise, and you can go, all nicely mended. Or say no and you have a right to rail from the rooftops about what a bitch she is.

Dahlia · 07/04/2005 18:38

Yes, talk to her. If you are really nice about it too, and explain the whole b/feeding side of it, and just the fact that its not feasible to leave your baby at that tender age, and surely if you just came for an hour that would be ok? The nicer and more reasonable you are, the harder she will find it to say no. And it would be better for everyone if there isn't a family fall-out. If she is still being a cow and says no, then you know exactly where you stand, and then you hopefully can have as little to do with her as possible, and make sure your dp is fully aware of what has gone on. Stupid girl! (Her, not you!!) I really hope you sort it out.

Original poster

starshaker · 07/04/2005 18:41

it sounds really stupid but i feel 2 scared to speak to her im lucky if she says hello to me and she has never once visited the new house even though while i was feeling a bit brave did invite them

OP posts:

Dahlia · 07/04/2005 18:44

Right, so don't do it in person, phone her - have a glug of wine or whatever first (seriously), rehearse what you are going to say to her, write it down even. I have done that before when I have had to make phone calls I didn't want to make! I get really nervous and my voice goes funny! But a drink will help calm you down, and you need to sort this out sooner rather than later. Do it tonight, you will feel so much better afterwards, even if she is horrid, at least you will know where you stand. She might surprise you and say its ok, bring the baby. You won't know unless you speak to her.

vict17 · 07/04/2005 18:51

I think it's not up to you to talk to her it's up to your dp. It's his sister that is being out of order and it is up to him to stand up to her - he should say you either you all go as a family or none of you go imo. Print out this thread and show it to him, or even better get him to show it to his sister

Xzebra · 07/04/2005 18:53

There was a lovely 2 month old baby at my wedding, everyone cooed over her, including me, it never crossed my mind to be jealous of a tiny baby at my wedding, FFS!!

I'd get your DP to check with her again, starlover, don't see why you should have to ring her if you don't want to. If she still says "no baby" then don't go, beg off saying you'll be "too tired". HER LOSS!!!.

Dior · 07/04/2005 20:26

Message withdrawn

Original poster

starshaker · 07/04/2005 20:33

i think i just want it to be like my family they all make an effort with dp but his sister makes little or no effort and the fact is this will be her only neice and i want her to be part of my babys life

OP posts:

morningpaper · 07/04/2005 20:38

Poor you starshaker!

To be honest at that early stage I was either in bed by 7pm, holding a screaming baby until midnight, or bawling my eyes out over my sore nipples.

I didn't manage an evening out without baby until she was 3 months old, and even then I felt like my heart was being ripped in two. I would just plan to stay at home.

victoriapeckham · 07/04/2005 20:40

Well, if this isn t resolved nothing will ever be normal again. She'll never be in your baby s life.

Why are you frightened of her? What kind of scarey is she? Loud? Sharp tongued? High powered? Older than you?

I know you could say it s up to your partner to speak to her. But he won t say it right. And then you won t hear what she says. And he doesn t feel the way you do.

Be brave. I think face to face, is best. Far harder to say be unreasonable or say no.

Shazzler · 07/04/2005 20:41

I went to dh cousin's weddinf when ds was 2 weeks old. I was breastfeeding to and we stayed all day until about 10 when I was too tired! I don't think anyone was offended and the invite even said and baby despite the fact he wasn't even born.

I also went to my brothers wedding (it was a busy year for weddings )when he was 10 weeks old and still being breastfed and again there was no problem.

I can't imagine why she should feel it would take the attention away from her. Very childish. Must be very insecure IMO

SenoraPostrophe · 07/04/2005 20:41

I completely agree with VictoriaPeckham. Foe once.

SenoraPostrophe · 07/04/2005 20:43

Re it being a pub: is there an outside? You could get people to take 5 min turns on the pram (that's what i'd do). The no-smoking section would be fine for feeding etc I'd have thought.

vess · 07/04/2005 21:47

Silly woman, that bride! Babies (and children) at weddings bring luck to the married couple! And if the bride wants to have a baby, she should hold one on her wedding day!
Sorry, sounds weird but that's one of those superstitions I sort of believe in, 'cause they sound nice (worked for me!).
Banning a baby from your wedding...hmmmm. Bad luck surely.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread