dolls for boys.. does your son have one?

[treacletart]

I recently bought a 2nd hand baby doll for my ds (21m) because he's developed a real fascination with babies and enjoyed playing with my friend's sons' doll.

We took it to Tescos with us this morning and it raised a few comments and even a laugh from an older boy. I'll probably dissuade him from letting his doll become a comfort toy because I'd hate for him to be teased about it, but is it really that strange for a boy to have a doll? Am I being overly PC? Isn't it perfectly normal and even important to foster his caring side? What do you think?

At 2 ds1 had dolls, a doll's pushchair and cot, toy kitchen, etc. and enjoyed playing with them all. They are now 5 and 7 and no longer have these things, though the dolls are still in bed with the heaps of teddies etc. They also don't have toy guns or swords. But I'm unconvinced this has any great impact on their behaviour:

A week ago we went to a Children's Philsophy Club at the local Quaker Meeting house. Towards the end pirates came into the conversation and I was mortified as ds2 started 'shooting' everyone with his pen!

Last week we visited a mass of museums, galleries and other attractions in London; and despite myself I have to admit that the Imperial War Museum was one of the boys' favourites.

feebie, I neither condone or discourage these army games. I try to make sure he has other toys, too, but accept it's a phase he is going through - next month it could be hotwheels or beyblades. I do condone good ways of playing and discorage bad ways of playing, though - the same rules whatever the game.

boys like soldiers and knights and things

and no matter how hard you try to avoid it, they play with them, they hear about them from school friends if you don't buy them they borrow them or make them out of other things

why avoid what seems like a natural period in a male child's play development. Are we not doing them more damage ignoring the fact that it is a normal phase for boys to play fight? or trying to adapt it?

playing with toy weapons does not make you violent, if anything it teaches you the boundaries? I feel sorry for male children and the constraints that well-meaning adults put on their imagination and development in some misguided attempt to avoid them growing to be violent adults

why can we just not let boys play within parameters and accept that they are different from girls

In a way its like saying "I don't want my little girl to be a housewife so I won't let her play with a toy kitchen"

I think the point of the conversation is, or has become, whether you should steer boys away from so-called "girl's toys". Boys do generally gravitate towards a different type of play IME but still I would worry about a child who is in an environment where he is made to feel that it is wrong to choose to play with a doll vs. a gun.

agree and would agree if you flipped it too

as in "I would worry about a child who is in an environment where he is made to feel that it is wrong to choose to play with a gun vs. a doll or anything else".

I was responding to feebie's post in my other remarks btw

"For any parents who claim not to be promoting violence/aggression - then why give kids toy weapons to play with (I feel the same way about toy soldiers btw and would not let dd play with those either). There are so many ways kids can use their imagination and so many other games/toys they can play with why encourage soldiers/guns/swords. If you don't condone fighting, don't send your kids mixed messages by letting them play with fighting tools!"

Good point. Too many little girls have been given dolls when they would have preferred an erector (sp?) set!

fnarr fnarr??

maybe my analogy should have been a chemistry set...

I don't mind the odd game of "erector set" myself

and, not wanting to flog a dead horse (because that might be construed as violent) I know kids will be kids and my dd is very likely to play "war" games with her friends using whatever is at hand, but I will not be the one who supplies any of the weapons!! I don't consider any toys gender specific and my dd's collection of cars & trucks and her all time favourite, her tool box, is quite extensive... I don't want to stop her playing at anything but I'll do my dammdest (sp?) to steer her clear of war games. She's been to so many anti-war rallies in her short life, hopefully some of the message has sunk in!!

anyway, that's enuf said now

oh, and when I said "enuf said" I meant from me... I'm not trying to stop others from talking

OK so if a toy soldier is not a good toy, what about a knight? or teenage mutant ninja turtles? or power rangers? or spiderman / batman? where would you draw the line?

also little girls don't tend to be drawn to these kinds of toys the way a little boy becomes once he associates with school friends

may not be PC to say so but its true

Ah, but I am so PC I get worried about my DDs playing with dolls

you're so PC you've gone out the other side and are meeting others on the way back

I am as PC as Brian Paddick.

And blushingly, I meant it about the slight disquiet.

Well I'm really pleased to have sparked such debate!

I was genuinely interested to know how widespread boys' dolls were nowadays and the majority of your responses have reassured me that I'm not a weirdo, PC obsessed, harpee.(Although for the record I won't be buying him toy weapons).

I might get him a toy buggy now too..... that is if i can find him one without pink spangles on it .

on holiday over easter, I was struck by how determined children are to play the games they want to play. I thought I was fairly PC about army games, until I had a son who loved toy soldiers and played ok with them. Anyway, as I mentioned, he was very keen to share his game with other chidren, usually boys around his age. He'd approach a likely child, tell them about the pretend game he was playing and offer them a toy. Quite often the child was just not interested. One boy was busy playing with diggers and tractors in the sand and didn't want to create a desert army scene, another boy wanted to dig a hole. Sometimes my son would join in with them, sometimes he would go back to his army games or the children would adapt a game together (my son positiond army vehicles and soldiers on a sandcastle and the boys agreed it was a fort). What I am saying is, all these children had their own strong ideas about what game they wanted to play - the actual choice of game came from them. That's not to say I believe parents can't influence how games are played - children can learn that it's wrong to hit or throw sand etc.

Anyway, sorry this is getting a bit off topic treacletart!