When is inappropriate sexual behaviour in minors, abuse?

[mamadadawahwah]

I know this is a fiercely emotional subject but i wanted to know what you would call a boy of 7 who "forced" himself on a girl of 5? Is it abuse, is it "exploration" is it a power thing? In minors so young, what do the authorities deem it as? This is a case of a friend of a friend of a friend, if you know what i mean. Nothing is being done about it by either parents. Girls parents and the girl are too traumatised and the other side are in denial. Its not a police matter but yet the girl needs some help. Mind you maybe it is a police matter if the little boy was acting out "learned" behaviour. What do you think?

good question, very good question. maybe his father is doing it to him, or maybe even a regular babysitter, maybe a teacher. Its horrifying to say the least. It happens every day and is happening right now to thousands of children in the U.K.

Message withdrawn

yes but what are you going to do about that? surely you cant just protect the interests of the little girl?

I did my child protection training with Social Services, I would have referred both famillies for help... girl needs obvious immediate support and a police trip WOULD be appropriate simply as a way of getting the help she needs (not as if lad going to jail, or even old enough for criminal responsibility), and a kid this age having such inappropriate knowledge is a sign (potential) of him being abused. Procedure would be to contact police or social, however hard it may seem. All parties need help.

Socci, thank you. yes that is very reasonable question. If boy stays up late and happens to be watching tv on his own, who knows what he could have watched. If they have sky tv, or if daddy keeps porno mags, God knows what is going through his mind.

This is why i dont want to jump the gun. Ok, what he did was terrible, but it may be that he "picked" it up. Has anyone ever hear the conversation of 7 and 8 year old boys. It would floor you what some of them talk about!

completely agree socci but the impression i get from mamadadawahwah is that she thinks it's likely? Just pointing out that if she thinks that it's a possibility she should do something about it.

Well if I knew it was happening to the boy next door, I'd have no hesitation in calling SS.

Yes they sometimes make mistakes, yes they are sometimes wrong, but for real cases of real abuse, that's what they're for.

If he is being abused, someone is potentially creating a paedophile of the future. I'd want to help prevent that, if I could.

also dont forget the internet. its very very easy to find porn. and most 7 yearolds have the literacy to be able to do so

Perhaps i will just print this thread and give it to the mother of the girl.

yes, he may have picked it up somewhere like that.
Or, he may have been abused.

If there is ANY possibility that he is being abused then it ought to be reported.
I would feel devastated if I knew the family and did nothing and then it turned out that he was being abused.
I cannot believe you would do nothing.

Can I just abck up Starlover? I have seen kids who have been abused and adults have ignored it (not that you would if you were certain I know), but kids see it that way. Poor souls

SS take ages to move and won't if there is genuainely anything wrong. I worked for HomeStart if you know the charity, and we would fight to get SS intervention. So you have no need to worry they will over react.

For the sake of a very little boy who MAY be in one awful situation... please!

MDW, can't you ring Childline and see what they suggest? They'll have infinitely more experience (sadly) than any one of the people on this thread, I reckon.

Hunker, phoned loads of people all said the same thing, obviously, tell parents to contact S Services asap. I am now becoming even more convinced that I should do something. It will mean losing friendship with these people and my response will of course be that their daughter's welfare and safety is more important.

I see this young girl growing up with a screwed up sense of the "opposite" sex, low self esteem and other psychological problems. Anything is possible. Maybe she will get to an age and realise that the child perpetrator was only a child himself and should have known better, etc. But that dosent help her in the short to mid term though.

OK, i can't remember who it was further down the thread said a little girl who had been abused by her grandfather had no damage as she hadnt seeked counselling..whatever... The girl may be damaged and shows no outward signs of it???? Its easy to hide it from others.

Well, mamdadwahwah, my advice to you is to report it to SS anonomously, and then they have the info in their hands to go and ask..that way the parents have no choice, and quite frankly if there was ANY doubt in my mind AT ALL that some young boy had done this to ANY child i know there WOULD be something done about it!!

Firefly, yes, i am beginning to think I have no option but to do just that. Its horrible to be in this position, but it is getting real difficult to look the little girl in the face. She really really needs someone to put her first.

You might not lose their friendship long term; they may well be grateful to have someone (seemingly calmly) take the pressure of decision making away from them at this terrible time.
They mightn't show it at first, but it could be a relief.