Visiting the health 'visitor'!!

[Luna]

I haven't been to the baby clinic since my ds was born. I have intended to a few times but it just hasn't worked out - it is only once a week at lunchtime and something always seems to crop up on that day at that time. I decided to pop in yesterday as ds is nearly 6 months and I read that he may need vit. drops as he is breastfed.

I didn't get to see health visitor as too many people were waiting and I had shopping to do before collecting DD from school but it was suggested to me that 'perhaps I could try to find time' as I really should get DS weighed to make sure he is doing OK and to fill in his charts. The whole tone of the conversation made me feel like a negligent mother and I even found myself dwelling on the subject at 3:30 am when ds woke up for his nightime feed! SHOULD I be getting him weighed?

DS1 had loads of visits to the HV. I never go with ds2 unless I am worried (he lost a lot of weight early on- had an undiagnosed cord infection- so I went then). Now I go for checks and that is it. He's still bf and doesn't have drops either.

If they asked me to go I would have to tell them to come to me. Clinics are in the afternoon and there is no way I can take my autistic 3 year old (DS1) to a clinic- no way- just not possible, so tough I say!

Don't worry ignore them! You know if he's gaining weight or not- it's hardly rocket science. I've just checked ds2's red book- he was last weighted in october when he had his eight month check repeated, before then it was september (8 month check) before then August, and before then right at the beginning when I was having trouble as he had the infection.

They do love their charts, Luna! I don't think you should be worried about jumping through the hoops unless you feel ds is not putting on enough weight - although having said that, breastfed babies in my experience often "underperform" on their weight charts compared to formula-fed ones, and I refused to let that concern me. Having your baby weighed weekly at a time convenient to the HV is not compulsory - it's just a quick and easy solution for them to monitor progress of babies they are nominally responsible for. They should be grateful to you for leaving them more time to help the mums and babies who are not having an easy time of it...but hey, much easier to snub someone who turns up in good faith, albeit only occasionally, than to go chasing after someone whose non-attendance is for worrying reasons.

I think if he's survived the first six months safely in your care(!) there's not a lot of point starting to weigh him now!
After the first month I only had ds weighed if I was at the clinic for some other reason like imms or a babycheck - worked out about monthly until he was 6 months - and this was really for my own personal interest anyway. Then I went back to work and the clinic fell on a work day so I didn't bother.
Who actually suggested this - you say you didn't see the HV?
Anyway if you are happy that ds is healthy then I don't see any need to get him weighed.

Luna - this pi$$ed me off SO much when I was pregnant and after the ds was born. I don't drive and, as a Contractor I don't get paid for time off so it was very hard for me to see the midwife when I was pregnant coz she wouldn't tell me a time that would arrive, just said some point in the afternoon so I would lose a whole afternoons pay!!!

Even now (ds is 21mths) I am trying to get a time to see my HV about my PND, but she has gone by the time I get home from work. It's not very accommodating or useful to be as inaccessable as this.

I have been made to feel that my top priority is NOT ds coz I am not in a position to lose a days pay to go and wait for Docs appointments, HV weighins etc.

I don't drive, I work miles away and use public transport.... it's a NIGHTMARE!

Why do they call them Health VISITORS anyway! THe last time I saw her ds was 8 weeks old!

Oooh don't go whatever you do! Sorry that is probably extreme but I come across so many people who have problems with the HV. I went regular as clockwork with DS and they made me feel terrible all the time. I didn't introduce a bottle, I didn't wean him quickly enough, I didn't feed him burger and chisp ( you had to be there to beleive that one!).

With DD I never went at all. Life is much to busy with little ones to spend it queueing outside their office exposing your little one to bugs etc. Go for a walk in the sunshine instead. You little one is obviously thriving so don't let them make you feel guilty just cos you dn't need them.

Sorry sore point. Can't stand my HV!

Another here to say don't go. I'm another one with bad experiences with 3 HVs. They love their charts, hate anything that isn't normal in their mind and give conflicting advice depending on who you see. If you're happy with the way things are then I would go with your instincts. I'm sure if anything was out of the ordinary your family or friends would have mentioned it by now.

I used to take my son on a regular basis until they got concerned that we was a little over weight at 14 months. He didn't crawl or walk until 21 months, then as soon as he did that all the weight dropped off. I agree that they like their charts etc etc, as long as you are happy, only go when you want to.

mine wrote innaccurate things in my red book, looked over my shoulder constantly when she was supposed to be talking to me and suggesed I put baby on bottle when I had mastitis. she was rubbish. only when I met a nice one did I realise that I could have requested a proper visit in my own home which I'm sure would have been much better as she wouldn't have been distracted.

Thanks for all your input - Katherine you made me laugh out loud (which I really need to do sometimes these days).

Elliott - It wasn't the HV I saw but the person who weighs the babies. The HV herself is very experienced and very nice; she came to the house once after ds was born.

I may just speak to a pharmacist or friends regarding the vitamin drops I actually went to find out about!

Who are these health visitors anyway? We took the sluglet to an appointment that they made for us, not knowing what it was about. The HV then proceeded to address all the questions to me even though dh answered them as he's the one who spends the most time with her. She then asked the most STUPID questions, like "Does she make her wishes known?" As if she hadn't laughed when we arrived and the sluglet demanded the chocolate that she knew was in my pocket and rejected all alternatives shown to her first. Or "is she walking yet?" as the sluglet ran up and down the room.

Spare me from these interfering women. If your child is fine, don't let them intimidate and patronise you.

luna, I guess if they employ a special person to weigh the babies it stands to reason they'll think its the most important job in the world!!

Luna, I would cal up and request a home visit if you like.

I had a 2 yr check with mine yesterday, and she rang and made an appiontment!! I was gobsmacked and actually thought she was checking me out (being paranoid!) It was one I hadn't seen before and she was lovely, my dd is on the 25th centile for height and 75th for weight, and I was expecting a comment, but nothing She also offered to make an appointment for my 4 yr old to re-check her hearing. She's been complaining she can't hear us occassionally, so I want to be sure.

Lucky you Crunchie. I have never in two years seen my health visitor on one of the two days I don't work. We have his two year check up tomorrow so more holiday eaten into. Most of his appts have been middle of the day on Weds making it awkward to work either a morning or an afternoon around them. In fact the only health related thing I have not had time off for was DS's operation.

Ah Bozza I did have ro take the day off though! But I had a million of those little things to do, dishwasher being fitted, health visitor, GP visit etc that the day was justified. However I am lucky I work 10 mins form home and if I needed and hour off, I'd be able to take it!

I only took my DS to be weighed two or three times, I just didn't see the point, I could tell he was gaining weight and as he was being seen at Great Ormond Street for a major problem, I assumed anything else would be picked up. Must admit I did have a really nice HV though (now retired); I was also contacted recently to make an appointment for the two year check up (new HV - also v. nice - perhaps we are lucky where we live!!) & that went fine. I guess like all these things it depends on who you get - shame there are no HVs on mumsnet to hear their views, unless they daren't own up!

I love my hv, she even taped Cold Feet for me because I told her I was going to miss it

I have to say that my health visitor has been brilliant. When she knew dd was off for surgery - she called to see how everything was progressing. She told us to let her know when it would be suitable for her to come and weigh dd. Prior to dd's surgery - she came to me every week to weigh dd. She was always prompt and very helpful with suggestions and tended to ask me what I think we should do if we have any problems. SHe is very practical and 'realistic' regarding babies growth and development. She also followed up a dodgy weigh in my dd had from the local paediatric visit. I guess I am very very lucky. The reason we attend weekly is that dd's weight needs to be monitored - any sudden large weight gain would signal major problems.

However - if I did not have a good health visitor I would not be going or I would be looking for another health visitor.

I think it is up to you.

Although I've said I don't bother going to clinics I have to say my HV is very good as well. She keeps an eye on me at semi regular intervals (and eyes me suspiciously when I say I'm absolutely fine with no problems). She even checks that dh is OK as well! And that's before we get onto the children. She's great with ds2 - been very supportive in my decision not to vaccinate him- and with ds1 well wonderful. She doesn't see him very often, but writes backing up letters and contacts people to try and help with all my various battles. She practically went to war with the bloody useless SALT for me (I had to restrian her I love my HV- she even arranged for me to transfer to a new GP when we had to leave one because we'd moved out of the area. Thank goodness she's still my HV.

I like my HV fine enough but find some of things she says and does a bit strange. Recently she visited me for DS2's 9 month check she asked me "So when did you give up b/feeding then?" I haven't given up b/feeding and found this an odd question when I didn't give her indication that I had given up. She then asked me if DS2 could hold a different item in each hand at the same time, I told her that I wasn't sure, hadn't really noticed then later when I checked the review sheet she had filled in I found that she had ticked the box to say that she had observed DS2 holding two different items in each hand, she also ticked that she had seen DS2 standing with minimal support and doing all sorts of amazing things. This very much surprised me as DS2 sat on my lap for her entire visit. She also seems to like to tell me what she is doing on her next visit, this time she was going to see a mum with a new baby who was not feeding well and she thought the baby had an infection and she would probably have to get the Dr out, don't know why she does this but I would have thought this was breaching patient confidentiality (if only slightly as she doesn't give me names and addresses but even still I wouldn't like to think that when I was having major feeding problems with DS1 she had been telling her previous mum my tale).

Enid, taping Cold Feet for you now that's what I really call care!

I love my hv too, I posted my thoughts about her on the thread about what do hv do, started by judetheobscure. I think she is worth her weight in gold.

I like my HV, but ended up at the peadiatrician's having nasty bloods taken from my poor 5m DD because she dropped 2 centiles. Like you say - they are almost obsessed with these charts, which are based on bottlefed statistics from the 1960's. It was uncanny - my bottlefeeding mum friends babies strolled up their "average" line (or upwards) but all the breastfeeding mum's lines were haywire - and we have all been "encouraged" to wean early, offer formula etc... It's tough to ignore when you are a first time mum.

Don't stress it, and don't go.

Don't bother with vitamin drops. Why on earth would a breast fed baby need additional supplements? I admire hugely a friend whose tongue-tied baby who would only b/f through a nipple sheild, and whose weight didn't even register on the chart for most of the time simply ignored the HV, weaned him when she was good and ready (5months) and he has just had his first birthday, and is the picture of health as he always has been.

I'm sure Tiktok (b/feeding counsellor, hope I'm right there) had something to say about b/feeding mums giving their babies vitamins recently and I think that outcome of it was that is wasn't necessary as long as the baby ate well and got out every day (don't want to say this for certain but I think this is more or less what she said).

I think vit. drops are good idea if your child might not be getting enough iron. I gave 1st child diluted Floradix, but 2nd was eating meat by 7-8 months so didn't give anything else. Plus iron-fortified soggy cornflakes are a standard baby food in our house, anyway.

The really good thing about having my eldest weighed frequently, is that I could point at where his weight suddenly plateau'd. Dropping from 40th to about 7th percentile between 12-16 weeks, a gain of just 3.5oz. I was encouraged to start solids which I did, since he didn't seem to be getting enough from mom's milk. Did DS's weight move off the 7th percentile line back upwards? Heck no! Stuck on the 7th percentile line still at 3yo. And this kid was a big eater until about 3 months ago. DS's wt gain history was good grounds/defense for not starting solids when DD did a similar plateau gain at about 10-12 weeks.

DD is 18 months, and hasn't been weighed since her 8 month check. I barely had her weighed before that, either. I'll pop her on the post office scales sometime for my own curiousity.

Don't et me started on HV's! IME, they have their own agenda which is different from HV to HV, and often at total odds to all the evidence. My great example is my first HV (am on my 3rd!) who told me that dd was too big to breastfeed and I had better start giving her a bottle! (since when has about 10lb been 'too big to breastfeed??) and of course HV2 who handed out books to every parent whether or not they were appropriate when she should have been spending the money on a varied parenting library in the practice.
I am glad some people have good experiences with their HVs. My 3rd is merely insipid and inoffensive, and that means I don't have to see her too often, so I am happy!