Do you think the Government should offer Parenting Classes?

[Rhubarb]

Custy first gave me this idea.

If you think of parenting as a job, you wouldn't take someone on in a demanding role who didn't have good references, no experience, a criminal record, a history of substance abuse and who had turned up late for the interview would you? Yet anyone can be a parent. It's one of the toughest, demanding jobs going. If you were to pay a nanny to look after your kids, you'd have to pay them a high price and you'd be expecting a lot in return.

Who supports the mother whose own family have abandoned her, who flits from boyfriend to boyfriend, no steady job and no real idea of the concepts of love and respect because she's never been shown any?

I don't know if any of you saw the Panorama - or was it Dispatches? - programme about behaviour in primary schools, but I work in a primary school and I can tell you that it's all true. And set to get worse.

So what if the government provided parenting classes? Do you think this would make a difference? Would you have gone to a parenting class when you were pregnant with your first?

Ideas/opinions/thoughts on this please?

They do offer parenting classes, but I don't agree it should be compulsory either. Think of the HV-controveries here on MN. There are so many different but equally good ways to parent.

Also agree with Starlight and DaddyJ's points - having a steady job is not a pre-requisite to being a 'good' parent.

I think self-respect is paramount though (and that covers many aspects of life, especially for a young woman)

I agree with DaddyJ and others, but my OP was merely an example. There are horrendous parents who work as lawyers out there too.

But my main focus was on those parents who have never been parented themselves. Yes, they may have been in care homes, or had parents who didn't give a damn, or who abused them. We all know the type of person I mean, the one who grows up with no experience of love or respect and then goes on to parent children of their own.

How can they parent when they've never been parented? From my limited experience, this is the crux of the problem in the school I work at and have worked at. Parents who don't discipline, who don't show an interest, who don't treat their kids with any respect, who don't know where their kids are at any given time, who make derogatory comments to their kids, etc.

If these courses are available, then why aren't they publicised? And as an incentive, how about health professionals recommend families they feel would benefit from such courses and the government offers them a day ticket to a family resort upon completion of the course? So at the very least they get to spend a whole day with their kids.

We will never reach a solution to society's problems, but we can try and tackle some of the issues in the hope that we make a difference to some children's lives - no?

Well both really. Are the parents who aren't even trying aware that they aren't trying? After all, if their childhood's were grim then what experiences do they have to fall back on? And for those who are getting it wrong, again perhaps they need a bit of help along the way?

Would not Health Professionals be best placed to recommend the families they think would benefit from parenting classes?

It's far from an ideal solution, but it's an idea that's all. It might help some families, because right now we seem to be leaving them to it until someone reports them to the Social Services. Wouldn't it be nice to act before it gets to that stage? To be thinking of prevention rather than intervention?

Maybe it depends on where you live?

In the area where I work there are parenting classes up the ying-yang - Supporting Parents of Teenagers, Help I'm a Parent, Confident Parents Confident Kids, Special Parents Special Kids, Intensive Support Service and no doubt more than I can think of off the top of my head.

Some are voluntary, and can be accessed through the HV, School Nurse, schools, Children and Family Centres etc. Some are accessed via referral from Social Services, usually where a family are receiving SW input as the child/ren are subject to a Child Protection Plan or similar.

I don't know how we can make it more proactive rather than reactive. I can't see it being introduced in schools though; parents freak out already at the idea that their child is receiving SRE, god knows what they'd think if we started parenting classes for older teens

The govt are funding a new role in childrens services linked to schools called Parent Support Advisers (PSA). Working alongside ed welfare and SS, they focus on early intervention in partnership with parents. They run parenting groups (COPE and Tripple P)
It's worth asking at your school or Childrens information service.

If government-run parenting classes are as bad as our NHS antenatal classes, I wouldn't have much hope - about 20 couples in a stiflingly hot room, while a midwife basically told us to be good little girls and come in and lie down and do what the doctor said, and then we watched an ancient looking video on a tiny portable telly which hardly anyone could see.

We didn't bother to go to the next one.

I can see how it would differ by area though. I thought health visitors were supposed to give parenting advice? They have done in my experience, but then a lot of people take HV's advice with a pinch of salt! How can you teach parenting anyway without it having an agenda? Have 2 teachers, one explaining how to do CC and one telling you how to co-sleep safely??

I suppose it does depend on where you live then, because I've never seen any advertising of parenting classes either in Preston, in Cumbria or where I am currently.

Are these classes voluntary? Are there any incentives for parents to join these classes?

I read a depressing article about the 10 cases of child abuse that led to death in Doncaster - in one case the Social Worker was chased down the street by the father of the 3 month old baby who later died by his hands. We're too scared to tackle these things! Teachers are scared of tackling kids even in primary school. There is no discipline, no exclusions or suspensions as it takes up too much paperwork and it looks bad. So the children can more or less do as they like without any consequences.

Parents don't know how to discipline. They either go over the top or they don't do anything at all. But the biggest thing I've noticed is the lack of respect. From the surly teenager who tells you to Fuck Off and Die and then proceeds to threaten your children, to the primary school kid who thumps and kicks you and then sneeringly tells you that you can do nothing about it.

We are running scared of these kids whilst they in turn are running rings around us. Ultimately you do need to turn to the parents first and foremost, whether it's to help and encourage or to intervene. But it would be nice if we could stop it from happening in the first place. Help them before the baby is even born. Assign them a 'buddy' like they do in schools, another mum from the same background who will volunteer to befriend the expectant mum. Or parenting classes with incentives offered to all expectant parents nationwide.

I dunno. It just saddens me.

The Parents Association at my DD's (French, 3-18) school offers "parenting-related lectures" throughout the year. So far this year we have had:

• how to live green(er) - all about the toxicity of cleaning products and cosmetics

• how to protect your children from the dangers of the internet

• understanding family relationships and dynamics

• anorexia

All are with specialist speakers - professionals or associations.

They sometimes do but chances are those at whom it is aimed are the least likely to turn up. I work for a charity offering free courses of various types, several times when it actually comes to the day apathy has overruled the intial interest and we have had to cancel. Even an information session set up and publicised through local schools to inform parents about the Benefit changes which came in in November only had a handful of attendees. tbh I'm not sure what the answer is.

Rhubarb, I ama Parent Support Adviser and I am in Cumbria. We would be delighted to tailor a course of groups to your requirements (school age children (from -5 to 16+) and would love to hear what you would like to get out of it. Just contact your PSAs through the county council website and get something started!

Jumping from OP but I think maybe attending some sort of classes in order to get an (extra?) benefit? But then I know I personally would hate it. Maybe 'factual' ones like abit of first aid, nutrition etc rather than parenting techniques...?

I thought they already were available to struggling parents?

Here's the link to the panorama thing if anyone wants to watch it.

LessonLearned - I'm on about courses BEFORE the baby arrives, so that the parents know all about sleepless nights and how to cope, where to go for help, etc etc.

Many of the children who have lost their lives through abuse have been under the age of 5.

I agree that it won't solve everything but surely it's worth a try? How about some vouchers for those who agree to attend the courses? It's an incentive and you might just get a mother who is finally able to ask for help before the problems start, rather than after.

Sure it's bribery, but I do think that if people are there from the start, from pregnancy, then lives may well be saved.

I'm afraid, as several others have mentioned, I think that the people that would really need parenting classes will be the people who won't go.

It sounds a lovely idea in theory but I don't think any class could have prepared me for being a parent. Having said that, the basics, while exhausting and "hard work" in one sense, aren't that difficult to understand - babies need to be kept fed, clean, held and loved. Can you really teach that if the instinct isn't already there?

Sorry rhubarb. In that case I know Barnardos do those here.

Are the ones held at Surestart, children's centres and primary schools offered to pregnant mothers and their partners or only once they actually have a child? What about yours CTJ?