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what would you do? (very odd neighbour)

12 replies

glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 13/01/2009 12:59

I haven't a clue as to where i should have put this really... Basically i have a neighbour who is very odd, around my children, and i'm a little worried,

Firstly, when he and his wife first moved in about 3mths ago he came round and introduced himself, said they'd boguht the house next door etc etc, then the next day he knocked on the door and had a toy bus and something for my DD (can't remember what as it was DH who was in then), they weren't new, he said he'd found them while unpacking and thoguht the kids would like them, later that day we were going out and he said hello over the fence, we said hello back, he then started saying He loves kids, he has a grandson that he doesn't see becasue his own (grown up) DC's dont want to know him (didn't say why but makes me wonder) went on to say how he'd been a sigle dad to them for X years and brought them up, as soon as they were 16 they left and he's not seen them since.... we were wondering why he was telling us all this, then he goes on to tell us how he loves kids again and that if we ever need a babysitter he'll have them.

Then a couple of days later he asked if we wanted to go round for a brew in the afternoon, meet his wife etc. Being polite we said yes when we really wish we'd had an excuse... When we were there he offered us alcohol, i refused, then he went on saying 'one glass wont hurt' so had to explain i was 3mths pg, he said 'me and the mrs tried that but didn't work as i've had the snip did we really need to know that?? again the whole time we were there he kept going on about how much he loves kids, again tells us his own kids dont want to know him etc...

A week or so before xmas he invited us to their 'housewarming' and luckily it was on DS's bday so we had an excuse not to go... On DS's bday he comes round with a present and card for DS, thought it was nice of them, but didn't invite them in as we had a massive house-full at the time anyway.

On xmas day he knocks on the door and says 'i've got some presents for the DC's, but you'll have to come round and get them in a bit' DS had heard this so got all exited, said we'd pop round in a bit, when we went again all he was saying is how much he loves kids etc, went on to ask when i'm due etc, that they'll ahve to babysit when we go out, that they'll buy the baby a present....

I mean i know he sounds 'nice' and at first thats what we thoguht, but the only time he ever wants to speak to us he always says about babysitting etc. On xmas day i just laughed and said 'its ok, we've got plenty of babysitters thanks' and he hadn't spoken to us since really... until just now, he saw me struggling in the driveway, trying to get 2 kids to the front door and pull in the bins and he said 'oh your starting to struggle now aren't you, do you want me to take the kids in mine and look after them for a few hrs for you?' i declined and said i was fine thanks. I'm just a bit worried about his 'intentions'....

I mean we dont know this man at all and he's gone on and on about babysitting our DC's.... Am i reading too much into this? What would you do? DH also agree's that his behaviour is very wierd.... what can i do? If i should try and do anything? We bought the house 3 years ago and are just starting to properly make it our 'home'... and now he's moved next-door and i actually dread him being in his drive when i'm going out or something in case i have to confront him yet again. We're normally a very quiet family, keep ourselves to ourselves, as we live on a main rd its not the sort of street where neighbours socialise much or anything... Help me please???

OP posts:
sunnygirl1412 · 13/01/2009 13:09

Initially, I'd say that you have to go with your gut reactions, which are clearly telling you to be cautious. I know you don't want to offend him and cause a problem between you, so tactful avoidance would seem to be the best thing for now.

He may just be a bit socially inept and not good at sensitivity or interpersonal relationships, and may not realise that he's beginning to sound a bit obsessive, and as he and his wife settle in, maybe this will settle down, and you might be able to trust him a bit more.

Have you talked to his wife without him there? Does she seem comfortable or not with what he's saying? It might be worth trying to have a casual chat with her about all this.

Bubbaluv · 13/01/2009 13:13

It's so hard to judge this from what you have written. The description of what he says etc just sounds neighbourly, but sometimes it's just a feeling you get about someone that sets you hackles rising.
Our neighbours are in their 70s and offered to babysit within a couple of months of our moving in. They regularly take DS for a wonder around the garden and let him play with the old toys they have left over from their GCs. BUT they are completely adorable and I have no doubt about them at all.
So the question is, are you being overly suspicious because you're not used to having friendly neighbours or have your suspisions been aroused becuase you genuinely think something is off?
I don't think anyone can tell you that just from what you've said.
Trust your judgement I guess.

newgirl · 13/01/2009 13:14

sunny's advice is spot on i think

he prob has lovely intentions but you arent his family

just be firm and reiterate what youve said in the past and all should be fine

kayzr · 13/01/2009 13:14

Glask, I would go with your gut feeling. Just try to avoid him if possible and when you can't just keep the conversations short and polite.

glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 13/01/2009 13:18

His wife never says a thing, even when we've been to the house on the 2 occasions, he does all the talking, he left the room to get DC's a drink and DH tried to talk to her and she just smiled at him, didn't even say yes or no to his answer... When the DH came in again she didn't even smile or anythign, just sat quiet looking between the DC's and out the window. We never see her without him, so i honestly wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her or anything!!

OP posts:
Takingitslowly · 13/01/2009 13:20

Just because he's your neighbour, you're not obliged to be his friend or let your children be looked after him.

I would be polite but wouldn't feel bad in any way if your not overly chatty with them.

TheSweetLittleBunny · 13/01/2009 13:21

I would say get to know them first. Be friendly and polite. ONce you have got to know them and seen what sort of people they are then you can form a better judgement of them. He does seem a bit overbearing considering you hardly know them. Personally I would not leave my DS with them if it were me.

beanieb · 13/01/2009 13:23

just say no to the babysitting (Naturally) and be polite. Don't leave your kid(s) with them.

cornsilk · 13/01/2009 13:27

I think it sounds like he and his wife may have social difficulties and he doesn't realise that he is being overbearing. Doesn't mean that he his intentions are not good though.

piratecat · 13/01/2009 13:28

just distance yourself without being rude.

Hard for you, as you prob feel like you are looking over your shoulder, and feelign unconfortable. Things may settle down tho. I think you have been doing the right thing. You accepted an inviation ruond, and who knows, they might be lonely. Maybe she has health probs, alttzheimers, or soemthing.

You may never know their history, thier story, but like others have said, trust your gut instinct and try to keep your privacy.

glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 13/01/2009 13:29

Oh there's no chance i'll be leaving my DC's with them... i can only just leave them with my own mum or sisters!! I just feel really odd that i'm scared of bumping into him in the driveway... thats not a normal way to feel about a neighbour. The little old lady who had the hosue before them was lovely, said hello when we were both in the gardens or somethign and we'd take parcels in for each other etc, and thats about as far as it goes... He just gives me a 'creepy' feeling... i dont know what it is... But i will say Dh isn't the sort of bloke to think someone is behaving oddly but has commented on the neighbour a couple of times now... mainly with 'does he really think we'll leave our DC's with him' sort of comments...

OP posts:
TallulahToo · 13/01/2009 14:16

What a nice man! Lonely maybe, harmless - probably, driving his mrs round the bend - likely.

We had an elderly couple like that for neighbours. Presents for our children within days of us arriving. We kept him at a distance for quite a long time. When he offerred to babysit we made a joke about it was time he got a hobby if he really was stuck for something to do. We have never left the kids with him but he has done lots of odd jobs for us etc. Just wanted to be needed.

Five years on, we love him to bits & don't intend sharing him with anyone.

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