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Yesterday I had a very draining and upsetting day and I spent hours crying...(sorry, long)

19 replies

ElectraInExcelsis · 30/12/2008 16:22

Ok, to give you a bit of background - I separated from my husband about a year ago and now my daughters and I are living with my parents. Things with my parents are a bit difficult because my dad is an alcoholic but tensions are not as high as they were as I currently feel well.

I am bipolar and have had a very up-and-down year where at times I was suicidal. Earlier in the year got into an unsuitable relationship with a guy I met out one night, and in an unfortunate turn of events became pregnant after my copper IUD came out. I struggled for ages about what to do but have decided I couldn't abort.

At the moment I am stable mentally because of my pregnancy but under close supervision of my psychiatrist, especially when I deliver.

My daughters have been staying with their father and family in Wales over the Christmas period and yesterday they came home and I was trying to settle them - particularly my older dd who is 7 and has ASD. Dd2 was playing with one of her toys in the living room.

The doorbell rang and a friend of my parents was on the doorstep. This is someone who they were in regular contact with when I was a child, but who they have not seen very much in the last 7 years since her husband died as he was the closer friend. My parents had gone to Tescos and I assumed she would want to wait for them so I asked her in.

She walked in, rather unfriendly and then sat down and said nothing, just looking around for a few minutes.

Then she looked at me and said 'You and your children should not be here...'

She then launched into an attack on me about my pregnancy ('why are you having a baby you do not want?'), the fact my marriage failed and also said I had no right to send my dd to a private school (which my own parents are supportive of!) She said that it was all my fault (and then when I defended myself she denied that she had said it). She has probably seen me a handful of times in the last ten years and does not see my parents often. My mother does not even like her that much - she told me this.

At this point my children were upset and my dd said 'Mummy, why shouldn't we be here?'

I told her I was not prepared to discuss any of this with her, especially in front of my children because she was upsetting them - my older dd went to bed to try to shut it out. But she kept on and even followed me round the house, bullying me, saying she was going to phone social services and arrange for someone to take my baby away when it's born.

She finally left and when my parents got home they had no idea what had gone on and were bemused when I told them. Then she has been phoning our house since this morning

I was so drained by the whole incident and my children were upset for the rest of the evening which annoyed me because I wanted them to come back to a happy atmosphere.

If you were me, though what would you do if this woman verbally attacked you in the future? I am feeling vulnerable and as this is my children's home currently, I don't have anywhere to shield them if she comes round again. I have the stress of dd1's annual review coming up and the LA might try to take away my dd's provision.

What would you do?

OP posts:
fishie · 30/12/2008 16:24

has she gone mad? what are your parents actually doing about this, rather than just being bemused? call the police if she keeps harrassing you.

tribpot · 30/12/2008 16:25

Yes - how bloody awful. Surely your parents are going to tackle her about this?

Tommy · 30/12/2008 16:25

OMG! [shock

How awful - who does she think she is?

If she is a friend of your Mum, then you need to get your Mum to deal with her. Otherwise, I should just ignore her. Your MW and psychaitrist are obviously supporting you and if neither of them have said anything about your new baby being taken into care, then it is unlikely that she knows better.

What a maddo - you could certainly do without people like that around

Flihgtattendant · 30/12/2008 16:27

That is just appalling. I am so sorry it happened to you.

What do your parents say about it? Will they support you against this woman?

She does sound totally unhinged, sounds like a nightmare for you all

ElectraInExcelsis · 30/12/2008 17:59

Thanks for replies. My parents are not very balanced people themselves and don't seem to know what to make of it. They have ignored the phone today.....

She was really talking down to me too and came across as very judgemental and it made me cross - mainly because it upset the children. I had a strange day yesterday anyway and was feeling a bit upset already.

I have no idea how she thinks she is right to behave this way. I already have a social worker who specialises in mental health disorders.

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ElectraInExcelsis · 30/12/2008 18:24

So much for the season of goodwill. I was trying to have some time with my daughters having not seen them at all over Christmas.

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MrsMattie · 30/12/2008 18:28

She sounds barking mad, and vicious to boot. She has no right to treat you like this. I second calling the police if she continues to harass you.

TWINSETinapeartree · 30/12/2008 18:28

She sounds like a complete crackpot who clearly has something wrong in her life and therefore feels the need to pull yours apart,

chipmonkey · 30/12/2008 18:41

Police. This is harassment.

constancereader · 30/12/2008 18:47

has she ever behaved like this before?
how awful for you
do call the police if she does not stop

LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 30/12/2008 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ElectraInExcelsis · 30/12/2008 19:08

When I was younger she was not the sort of person to behave this way at all. My mum did say 'it's very out of character for her - maybe she isn't right'. She was acting like my parents have a crack-whore living here or something. I am wondering if she herself is having some sort of break down.

And for her to start phoning the house at 9 this morning

Yes, I do agree it's harassment and if it ever happens again I will call the police.

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ElectraInExcelsis · 30/12/2008 19:10

Luckily most people are not so judgemental about the situation. This is my home and I do not have anywhere to go if she comes here and starts attacking me.

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Hassled · 30/12/2008 19:17

But you don't need to go anywhere - as you said, it's your home.

Do you have or can you get one of those spy hole thingies in the door so you can see who's there before you open it? That might help you at least relax a bit re someone knocking at the door. If and when she shows up again, call the police. Never let her in the house, never answer the phone to her and never communicate.

She clearly has a lot of issues of her own, and while it's very easy for me to say you shouldn't take it personally, it does sound like it's much more about her problems than it is about you.

ElectraInExcelsis · 30/12/2008 19:24

Thanks, Hassled - that has actually made me feel better because I started thinking I must be an awful person for her to speak to me this way.

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constancereader · 30/12/2008 20:43

I read an article the other day about someone behaving very oddly (in this case it was someone giving a speech who started making crude and sexually explicit comments about those present) and it was a sign that a tumour was pressing on a part of her brain. It sounds a bit like this woman.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

ElectraInExcelsis · 30/12/2008 22:22

Thanks constance. I have just been talking about it with my mum and she says it was totally out of order and very inconsistent with her usual character, so I hope there is not a sinister cause.

I am ok today, just a bit shaken up. Thanks everyone xx

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Notalone · 30/12/2008 23:59

How dare she? Am furious and feeling a bit cold inside on your behalf. She may have issues of her own but what gives her the right to take them out on you? (unless, as Constance says and it is medical then I apologise)

You are not an awful person and you can gurantee she doesn't actually know a lot about you apart from what she has already decided in her own head.

I would second what some others have said. Try to forget her and her tirade but if she comes back again then do not hesitate to call the police. No-one deserves that in their own home.

ElectraInExcelsis · 01/01/2009 15:04

My mum said she was going to ring her but I told her that the best thing would be to ignore it, because she has no power to do anything to me and that if we ignore her she will get the message that we don't want her interference.

I did get myself into a terrible state at the time which is annoying because this seems to have triggered a high in my mood and behaviour and I have had to restart my medication. I'm hoping it will settle down soon.

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