My MIL's so called friends are taking advantage of her good nature, what advice can I give her ??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my MIL is having was ment to be having a small party for the people that come to her house group from the church.
One of the men has said it's his wifes birthday and can they have a joint celebration, and he said can I envite one or two others from the church?.
My MIL said yes, but later wished she hadn't. Apparently he's asked at least 7 people extra and that's only the ones she knows about. My MIL is such a buisy lady, she has a very ill mother to care for as well as students and a son who still lives at home. She has said to me that she can now see how this man is beggining to take the mic, he always used to come to her house group streight from work, and once she had some dinner left over and offered it too him. Now he askes for it every time, his wife has phoned my MIL to say "just to let you know, my dh is comming from work so he'll want a dinner. He once asked my MIL if his wife could have one too he said "I don't like eating alone." My MIL said that they'd have to share it, as she didn't have another one.
They are very well off this couple and are always talking about their latest holliday and what new car, or house they've bought.
The wife had a birthday party one year, and everyone had to pay for their own meal and drinks.
My MIL is such a kind hearted lady, but they are really starting to take the mic.
She was talking to me about it this morning and saying "what have I let myself in for?" I didn't really know what advice to give her so I thought I'd ask you Mums.
What was going to be her quiet little christmas party has turned in to quite a big birthday party at her expense.

Is there anyway at all it can be cancelled. I think these are not friends.

Oh dear, they are rather taking the p**s aren't they. I think that she should just say that she's been thinking about it all and that she would prefer to host a small Christmas party for he own house group after all. No more dinners either just say she doesn't have any left overs and that's an end to it. She shouldn't enter into any further discussions or be persuaded. A firm (and repeated if necessary) 'I won't hear of it, your dw deserves her own special party' should do it. Don't let them spoil her Christmas party and HG.

Her Mother is 89 and very ill, so she could be used as a reason to cancell. My MIL is worried that she might become unwell anyway.

I'll say that to her and say that real friends would want to be in your company without asking for anything, it seems they want to get all they can out of people.
That's probubly how they've become well off, they don't spend anything.

I think your mother should ask him if he plans on having food and drink at the party because your mother was only going to have tea and a plate of buscuits - the thought of having to spend money may put him off. she wants to be hassling him about when he is bringing the food around, etc. thats if she wants to be gentle with him or if it was me i would say that she has had time to think about it and her house is not big enough for a joint celebration so she was thinking that they should have it at their house! If they can't do that then they will have to do something separately as she is just not able to accomodate everyone. why should she?!

Your poor MIL. I can't believe the nerve of the wife ringing up and 'ordering' dinner for him!!!!

Suggest to her that she call them as soon as possible and tell them that the addition of the birthday party to her Christmas party 'is just not going to work for me'.
She must NOT give reasons or excuses. She doesn't need to, and any she give will only open the door for them to argue her down. She just needs to concentrate on repeating 'I'm afraid it just isn't going to work for me' to whatever they bring up. At some point they will get fed up and end the conversation.

This also works for other things such as the dinners. If he turns up expecting dinner, she can explain she doesn't have anything and quickly ask him what his plans are for Christmas, the new year, his next holiday.

I hope this helps.

Thanks everyone for your advice, I like the idea of saying "We were only going to have tea and a few cakes".
I don't think she'll ever make this mistake again.