Why does being blanked by another mum bother me so much?

[Nosnik]

I made friends with another mum last september, we got on great. Everything has changed now, we both had babies, her in march and me in may, and in the time between our babies I didn't see her much as I was ill. I told her this but she was rude and stand offish when I went back to school after DS birth.

We had it out when I had had enough of being blanked, even though I made and effort to chat and ask how she was. Other mums asked had we fallen out, that is how much she blanked me! (mono syllabic answers, not looking at me when I spoke to her etc). I sent her a text asking if there was a problem, she text back with a message 5 texts long describing how I was a plastic friend that once her baby was born I didn't want to know as I could no longer get a lift to school and how I had made nasty remarks about her looking tired. (I had been concerned and had asked did she want me to get her daughter as she looked tired).

I apologised for making her feel bad and pointed out that after my baby had been born she had remarked "he is big isn't he" hadn't asked how I was and hadn't come round to see me. She said it was my fault as I hadn't invited her round and that she was hurt.

I apologised again and said shall we have a clean slate. She agreed and the tension was gone, we started to walk to school together again.

The last contact I had with her was when I went to town on my way home after she rang to ask could I pick up a sandwich for her DH's lunch as she had nothing in. I did and then took it to her house to save her coming out. I went to school yesterday, went over and said hello, how's things, and she was the same as b4 all rude and she didn't ask how I was or about my job interview. she walked off and I told another mum that I had got the job. Later I saw the other mum who straight away asked had me and her fallen out again. I am so upset and confused. Last time it happened she made me feel so pushed out, talking to all the other mums and not addressing me. I don't want to be upset but I am.

I'm sad aren't I (thinly veiled request for reassurance)

sorry for long narrative post

Oh, nosnik, you have done NOTHING wrong.

She sounds paranoid and insecure. I think you've gone out of your way to salvage the friendship, but if she is unreceptive, all you can do is sit back and maybe wait for her to grow up a bit.

It is awful though, I know. You sound nothing like a 'plastic friend' at all.

she is either a cow/depressed/struggling etc - try to ignore it - you've done your bit to try and find out what problem is and make

as for not seeing her in the period between babies ffs. Had my lo in June and I wasn't ill but didn't go out due to being the size of Wales .. so she is being a bit unreasonable in first place.

It sounds like she's controlling you really. My advice would be to try and distance yourself a little, chat to other mums you know and let things die down with this woman.
HTH

Doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. I wouldn't bother with her, she sounds like hard work and this will probably keep happening.

She's quite strange. Don't let it get to you. Move on.

I do feel like she is controlling me as I care that she doesn't like me. My non playground friends tell me to forget it but she is such a big character its hard to avoid her! I feel like I'm back at school getting left out by the cool kids!

Thanks for the reassurance every one

DP said that it will only happen again if I keep trying, I think I will just stay away from that whole group. It'll be safer!

Ah well, there you go - the Cool Kids aka the Attention Seekers.

Really, just let her get on with it and make some nicer friends. I can't be doing with high maintenance types at all.

She is too much effort-it just isn't worth it.

same here, I never get pissed off with anyone, if she hadn't rang me for a year I still would have treated her the same!

In my new job I'll only be dropping off and not picking up, hopefully I'll never see her again lol.

Thank you again everyone, I feel better already xxxxx

Know completely how you feel - this happened to me too. Has just got better as the woman concerned has just left the school. Feels great walking into the playground without having to even think about her.

The way I coped before was to talk to other mums who I knew she wasn't friends with. Turns out that there are some really nice people out there!

Good luck and remember you are bigger than her. And a lot cooler - it's cool to be a nice person!

Its funny loler, it is cool to be nice, so why are so many ppl not? It feels nice to be nice too, I would hate to be mean to someone, I would feel awful.

This has (sort of) happened to me too. There is a woman in a group I go to who sizes everyone up and then only talks to those she thinks are worthy... And the people she doesn't speak to literally get the invisble treatment (she'll push buggies directly at you and once shook wet clothes over my DS as though he simply wasn't there)

Ironically, I've had the last laugh, she saw what car I drive (it's a very nice car) and she decided that maybe I was worthy after all - and I got to give HER the brush off.

Anyway, you are not being unreasonable, and it's natural to want people to like you. But, sounds like this woman has a few issues and you might be best distancing yourself from her.

Oooo sounds like someone know, the cool kid of the playground. Things are fine with her ATM but every now and then I find she treats me in a very odd way - literally blanks me. It can be very hurtful. I try to brush it off, I haven't done anything purposefully to upset her so I see it as her being the weak insecure one with the problem, not me.

This has happened to me as well. She was not the 'cool' mum but we were all part of a group. Things were fine at first and then she started with the blanking and the one-word answers. Anyway, after a yr of this behaviour,I confronted her (politely) and she said she was not intending on behaving that way. So friends again...until the new term started...

So I just backed away from her. Luckily, the rest of the group knew she could be funny and so neither one of us was ostracised. However, she has taken it upon herself to distance herself from the group.

I see her at both the school and preschool gate. Time has passed and we have this non-antagonistic ignorance of each other . I recently invited her on a group night out and she politely declined, so who knows what might happen in the future.

Someone had told me that they thought she was suffering from PND and I did reach out to her at the time, having suffered it myself, but she ignored me. Maybe your friend is suffering the same?

It had crossed my mind that she is feeling rubbish, but she is so loud and chatty with everyone else that it is hard to believe.

Forget about it, no-one needs 'friends' like this. Ignore her too (pointedly if it makes you feel better) and move on.

How old is she? It sounds like she is regressing to a 5 year old.

Tell her to sod off.