acute stress from work

[helenmc]

after weeks of things building up I finally snapped and couldn't stop crying, so I've now got a fortnights sick note for acute stress. I normally can cope with 3 kids and dh being away from home/long hours (and yes he also used to spend holidays and weekends doing an OU degree). But there were a couple of final straws - the first was some-one leaving, and then another memeber of our team of 6 moving to a differenet project. Its' financial year end so our workload increases dramatically. I've had no constructive help from management - 'oh its year end it'll get better'. I want to go back to work and feel I just need a breathing space. I feel so much more alive and me today, not having the constant phone calls and e-mails.
I'm going to see HR on friday...what I need to know is what help are they legally obliged to give (doctor was talking about taking them to tribunal - which seems a bit serious to me). Are there any good web sites that deal with stress in the workforce (I don't think our company has a stress policy)

helenmc, sorry you've been having such a rough time. I was signed off work for 3 weeks a few years back after breaking down at work (final straw: being told I couldn't have a car-parking pass any more...I blubbed in front of a man who shall we say wasn't in touch with his feminine side & it completely floored him ) and when I went back (probably a bit early) I was moved onto 'lighter' duties (it was for a large employer, so the flexibility was there). sorry I can't help with any practical help, but I'm sure there's a Mumsnetter who can!

helenmc - try www.troubleatwork.org.uk/ShowTopics.asp. Geared towards students and nurse but the info is still pretty good.

My God this is dreadful. Can I just say, that in my work - computers - men. I know of 4 men who are off with stress at the moment and they are signed off for months at a time - on full pay.

Helenmc gets 2 weeks!! This is dreadful. There is no way you can sort yourself out in 2 weeks. Just like the men you need time to think about the situation. 2 weeks takes you 2 weeks closer to year end, and we all know what a horrible time that can be in the office.

Hmc you need to look up your companys policies - have you got a friend on the inside who could print stuff off and post it to you? check your contract, ours states full pay for something like 6 months, then it reduces. 2 weeks is not acceptable, and even going to see HR with all their little rules and regulations won't help the situation.

Oh bless. I think it is good to open up though.

helenmc, In the long run, you will need to get help for HR and maybe consider legal steps, but please don't give yourself a new project this fortnight. Take the fortnight to rest and recuperate, even if you have to discipline yourself not to be busy. I don't know how ill you are, but in my case a few years ago, two weeks was exactly what I needed, just reading novels, having long hot baths with no one hassling me, and I had one full very expensive day at a spa. At the time, I felt that I did not even have the time to sit and cry, which I needed to, and should have done. However, in my case it was my senior manager who instructed me to take the time off, without my seeing a doctor, so you are obviously in a different position in terms of your managers. I really hope that now HR is involved you will get a better response and the workload is sorted out.

Oh, yes, have a lie down. Your dr sounds on your side, get him to sign you off for longer. Then have a long, long rest. I have also worked places where people have been off with stress for months on full pay. Rest first, decide the rest of your life afterwards.

cityfreak - you're spot on with people hassling, even after you've told them you can't do it. I got a very unsympathetic oh 'does that mean you don't want to'. I can't believe just how much better I feel today, almost a fraud. I think I just needed to say enough is enough, and force the issue. The dr mentioned legal stuff but it sort of went over my head.What I need are the legal rights. I don't want to go to tribunal, I just want things straightened so it doesn't happen again either to me or any-one else (something similar happened last year and they left on their own accord/they didn't pass their probationary period). I've made an appointment to see HR, as they are obviously worried (cynicall y probably because they are afraid of being sued??) but they didn't do much last year so not really holding out for much here.
I did have a little sleep this morning, and my friend from work rang to see how I was (and guess what they have been dumped with ALL my work...can you believe it!), then I sang my way round Safeway (every-one probably thought I was mad, but it was so peaceful and uncrowded). DH has been fantastic by the way. Right have to go as have dd sitting on my lap and she's getting quite a good little reader!!
thanks for your support every-one.

Glad you're feeling better. Amazing how the stress lifts when the problem is taken away.

Helenmc, I so sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment. I have a good friend at work who was signed off with similar problems about a month ago and we met up for lunch today. She seems a different person, much more like her old self, she has sorted out her ds's sleeping problems and actually said she feels guilty at still being off work. She has another week to go on her sick certificate and I advised her to use it. I just think it is so sad that people are pushed to the point where they break down when maybe all that is required is a bit more help and support in their work place. I too experienced this when I returned to work in May last year after having a miscarriage. It was like as if I'd just been on holiday to Spain or something for a week - I was feeling tired, incredibly sad and just needed a bit of extra support, I got nothing and ended up being signed off for two weeks.
Sorry I can't offer any pratical advice or recommend any websites, but I wanted to let you know that I feel for you and I hope that things work themselves out.
Cyber hugs, Melly xx

Melly - that's exactly it -I just needed a bit more support from 'The management'. My boss is just an un-emotional blob. My friends's father died quite unexpectatly, and he just thought getting me to send flowers was the end of the matter. Honestly you would get more support if your mobile phone died!!! I'm sure he thinks I'm a stupid emotional mother.

Tinker - that web site hit the spot - I'm going to take that to HR tomorrow.

Gosh2 - I'm sorry but this thread probably doesn't make you feel any better about taking time off for sick kids. Honestly this wasn't the problem - they seem quite happy to let you work from home (and there's a couple of dads that do it quite a lot) .This was purely the amount fo work/hassle,lack of training and support.

Right the sun is out today - and I'm off to play in the garden.

Latest update - I went to see HR on friday - armed with that article. HR are sort of in the process of putting together a stress policy and asked if they could photo copy the article....it was me helping them. Any-way I've put my point across it's purely work load not personalities or home pressures. She advised I wrote to my boss saying that I really wanted to come back, and learn new skills etc etc but I can't do everything and list the problems with solutions - ie delegate/arrange new deadlines/more support fromt he acoount manager. And say that I'm not coming back to work unless things are sorted, as I don't want to go off again with stress. That was the only good bit of advice. But why should I be the one doing all the work sorting out lack of planning, management and support.

Anyway I did get a card in the post this morning - which totally stunned me. Its nice to know I've got some good mates.

I also found out that another chap was so stressed he handed in his notice to the boss' boss. This was excepted and he was moved onto a differeent project.