How can i tell my friend i don't want to buy for her children?

[coldtea]

Am i being tight?

Two years ago i was trying to reduce my 60+ christmas buying list so i decided to keep it just to family. I rang each of my friends & asked if we could continue to buy for the childrens birthdays but not christmas as it was getting so ridiculous.

All my friends thought this was a great idea exect this one friend. I only see her once or twice a year & only telephone for a specific reason never to chat. I would even question if we're really friends at all , but we have this 'school bond' thing. She has 5 children & was really offended (i'm one of 5 myself & my mum often thinks we missed out as people wouldn't buy for us) so i'm guessing this is why she was offended. Anyway we stopped.

The thing is now i'm resenting sending them a £15 cheque for their birthdays. Her children don't know who i am. At her sisters party i didn't recognise her youngest 2 & as i type this i don't remember seeing her 3rd! We don't get invited to their partys which i don't mind , but perhaps i would resent it less if i was buying the children a present instead of throwing £15 away 5 times/year!

Do i sound really mean? Or can anyone give me any suggestions of how to handle this?

i definitely think £15 is alot for a children's birthday present. And X 5 every year.

agree that you should reduce it to £10 max. I think £5 should be enough since there is so many of them.

Why noy buy something from World Vision's 'Great gifts' catalogue? In case you haven't come across this before, you choose an item from the catalogue for someone in the developing world. For example, £5 pays for some fruit rees for a family in Ethiopia. Then World Vision will send your friends' child a card (or send it to you to pass on) telling them what has been given on their behalf to someone who really needs it. That way you can keep to your principles, the children get to feel they've done something nice and your friend would have to have an enormous cheek to object.

www.greatgifts.org I think - it might have uk on the end!

Coldtea, at those ages they'll just be delighted to receive a present to unwrap. They have no concept of the worth of the gift and money is wasted on them.

well maybe im really tight (or just broke) but one of my closest friends has four kids. at xmas i buy them all a selection box and at birthdays i spend £5 max on them each. if she doesnt like it then tough (but i have to say she hasnt ever complained). i sent my sisters (who i never see, havent for years) £5 boots tokens also, they may look upon me now as a crap old withered auntie or something but i dont really care!

she also bought my dd a turtle out of my catalogue which looked really great..when it came it was about 3in across. all we did was laugh!

Sorry have I misread - how did she manage an 18m & a 2yo ?

I'm less brave than those who have suggested just sending a card:-

I would ring her just before one of your kids birthdays and ask her not to send a present as kids have so much these days...hopefully she will agree and suggest that you drop her kids too . If she agrees not to send your child a gift, but does not suggest that you cut her kids out I would say nothing but just send a card for her next child's birthday.

Oh just bring the whole silly business to a close!! It's true, kids have an obscene amount and this sort of mindless giving has got to stop. I've decided the same recently and feel very liberated!!