Was I right to be so offended by another mums comments?

[MamaMaiasaura]

My ds has been invited to a little girls bday party on 19th March. The weekend of the party is xp's weekend with ds.

The childs mother asked me last friday if ds was going ot attend to which i said i couldnt say as not my weekend but would give invite to xp. This little girls mum seemed quite bolshy about it and i get the impression that she feels above everyone else iykwim.

Today when i collected ds from school she was there and i asked if xp had contacted her re party.. Big mistake. She said she hadnt heard and i should tell her whats happened in case she has to pay for ds's place when he doesnt attend (actually at the place it is at you only pay if child attends). I said i was sorry but couldnt say for definate as was not my decision as not my weekend.. to which she say 'you and you ex need to organise yourselves better for the sake of your child!' [anger]. To which i responded thank you for your concern but if i needed your advice i would have asked for it'. My friend who was collecting her son was completely gobsmacked.. i did comment that this mother as a 'f'#king bitch' after she left which perhaps i shouldnt have. I was furious though.. i mean how dare she. For those of you who know my situation, me and my xp have been 'organising and communicating' extremely well of late and are in the process of sorting ds to be with me full time. The fact that we are being able to be amicable and keep it out of court is pretty good going i think.

I called xp to ask him to let this woman know if ds was attending (which he wont now, also cos he best friend hasnt been invited and danger of him being left out as no doubt this women will bitch about me at home and her dd will pick up on it).

She is a one of those women who (and i am sorry if this causes offence) talks like she has a plum in her mouth, wears clothes that are 'trendy'(like an oversized courdrey cap) and she is late 40's with precious little princess. Acts like her dd should be going to a 'private school' when (despite being an excellant school and good in ofsted) is in a cr@p area.

Sorry for rant but first time i have ever come accross a clash with another childs mum. I got to see her in the morning too

she does sound like a bit of an arse but (trying to be nice emoticon) planning birthdays are stressful especially when you don't know whose coming.

At least if the party is on your ex's contact time you won't hve to spend any more time with ehr than necessary.

I'd have been angry too. She's not your friend and should have kept her mouth shut whatever she thinks of your arrangements. Good luck tomorrow morning when you see her again. Don't let it get to you.

Couldn't you just have found out if your kid could go to the party? Its really stressful when you're paying for your kid's party and people don't rsvp. I understand it must be logistically difficult for you, but couldn't you just have found out?

Thanks twinsetpearls (nice nick name btw )Kind of think i 'over-reacted' perhaps. Thing is she doesnt know me or xp or even ds very well for that matter. Just p['d me off with her commenting on our sit without knowing anything about it.

I had ds's birthday party in feb at of course i was worried in case people didnt come and some didnt respond but i didnt 'hound' them.

She's a twat in a hat!

Sievehead - athm ds lives with his dad. He is coming to back to live with me but I got invite while his dad was away and then he went back to dad last weekend and i collected him today. Basically dad was aware and I enquired if he had gotton back to her, i would have then texted him to remind him, however given her reaction and personal comments ijust felt crap.

lol @ thomcat.. might use that tomorrow

thanks cristina

yeah, she needs to think outside the box i suppose. I wouldn't bother taking the kid to the party probably, couldn't be arsed with the hassle, especially if they are not bezzy mates or anyting...

And.. another rant I am trying to sort out the new arrangements, do my training, complete current placement, 3 x essays, revise for 2 exams, have no money, sort divorce (even more complicated as not ds dad) and arghhh the last thing on my mind is her dd's birthday that isnt even on a weekend ds is with meand if it was he wouldnt be going cos it is his cousins birthday the same day!

Message withdrawn

soz - feel like a biatch tonight.. pmt maybe

k - can you give me a nice sarcy line if i need one.. i generally cant think on the spot when i need to

Tell yourself:
what she had to say said a lot more about her than it did about you.

and my favourite:
there but for the Grace of God go I.

Apart from the obvious **ck off, no not really!

maybe she has been misinformed about the party arrangements? i know when i had ds a party a couple of years back there were two people who sent back the forms to attend and just didnt turn up. i didnt know any of the mothers but one whose child DID attend just said "oh so and so isnt coming now" and i was furious because the meals had been cooked and i still had to pay for them. (am not going to admit that i ate one of those meals oops i just did) and my then partner brought his neice who also ate one so it turned out ok.

dont think however, that there was any excuse for her to say what she did, thats completely out of order. its none of her business what your arrangements are and i think you did well to not blow a fuse at her! take no notice.

However stressful it is planning a party and not knowing who is coming, there is a nice way to make that point and a bitchy way and she chose the bitchy way.

What civil people would have said was "I'm sorry to keep hassling you but it's just difficult not knowing how many kids are going to turn up. Do you think you could speak to your xp and find out if he's bringing your ds?"

Or something like that.

To answer your question - yes yes yes you have every right to be angry. How dare this woman tell you how to run your relationship with your ex when she obviously knows absolutely nothing about you both at all. I agree with the others who say having a party is stressful and people need to know whos coming but that stress is absolutely no justification to comment on the way you are bringing up your ds.

Poor you having to face her in the playground every day but I bet you'll find if she was like that to you she's had run ins with other mums too. The sympathy will be on your side!

She's out of order. It's one thing to say 'please can you check as I really need to know' and another to comment on how you and your ex communicate. FWIW I live with the Inferiorettes' father, but still find myself reminding him 'you said you'd take her to that party, is it still on, you have to get a present' etc etc...

Sod the party. Hope you have a nice weekend too!

Yes I'd be really annoyed at that kind of comment too

But what you should realise is that she knows nothing about your situation or you and your XP's communication and is only commenting on the current situation

eg

she has asked you if your DS will be coming to party, you said you don't know but XP will let her know

he didn't

she left it and asked again, you said you don't know but XP will let her know

from her point of view all she is interested in is how many kids she needs to cater for, now maybe she doesn't have to pay until kids attend (that seems unusual as places normally make you give the numbers and you have to pay whether they turn up or not), but there's party bags, and games and other stuff to consider too

I think I feel for both you TBH, but also am not surprised you took offence

but remember, she knows nothing about you, just that you are the one she sees at school and you told her XP would be in contact and he wasn't .. think I might be a little miffed at XP rather than her

I am extremely glad someone else has pointed out the perception from the other child's mother as that was my immediate thought too.

Personally I'd apologise to her I think because its not worth having the rest of yoru DS's schooldays with you feeling uncomfortable at talking to her and studiously ignoring her. These things can blow out of all proportion so nip it in the bud

as in 'I'm sorry XP hasn't been in touch, I have given him a bollocking and he has promised he'll call you by xxx'

Thanks everyone for advice it is good to hear everyones perceptions. I myself am now calm (but missing ds as with his dad now for couple of weeks). On Friday she avoided me and really obviously. I went in reading area with ds (followed ds in) she was there and gave me a 'look' and walked out again.

Understand partys are stresful - i had 15 of the little ones around last month and i had no idea exactly how many would come - catered for more than actually did but felt better than not catering for enough.

Regarding her waiting and asking me politely the first time she asked it was more of a demand/order to let her know then and there which i couldnt. The next time i actually asked her if she had heard.. then got the response that p'd me off. Granted she doesnt know our situation but likelyhood is she has an idea. Also i attempted to interact with her when ds first started and she snubbed me then.

To be honest i think she is a complete snob with no manners.