bad kids

[chicks]

my eight year old is rude ,bad tempered and spiteful
sheis like a 16yr old please help

Perhaps there is a reason. ave you tried talking to her?

she wants her dad who has been sent to prison and wont be home for a while.
she says that im to blame because i wont help him to escape

Don't have much advice but wanted you to know that I do really feel for you - are you still with her dad? Things must be pretty bad for you both at the moment.

thanks for the ear...
we split up when she was two but still kept in touch and he saw her every other day and she loves him like there is no tommorow she is also being bullied at school and ive done everything to help her but she just tells me to back off

I am no good at advising anyone at the moment but hope that if DD is badly missing her dad that she can at least write or send pictures to him - school can be horrible enough without being bullied so hope they are aware of situation & that they are keeping you informed of her behaviour at school - life is so tough for us adults but for our kids... Thinking of you & DD - hope some other mumsnetters will have useful advice.

I know that they are not nice environments for children, but have you considered taking her to see her dad so he can talk to her face to face and let her know that it isn't your fault. Or try and arrange it that they can speak to each other on the phone.

chicks, 8 can be a difficult age for girls. My stepdaughter who is normally sweet and helpful turned into witch from hell when she was 8. It only lasted 6 months or so and then she went back to normal. She was a super duper daddy's girl before and now is much less so.
I had to laugh at the thought of your daughter insisting on your helping her dad to escape from prison. If you are on reasonable terms with her father, why don't you get him to talk/write to her to explain that he is in prison because he was naughty and not because of something that mummy did. That may really help a lot. My husband has a prison record from when he was younger and uses it whenever he can to say to his kids, don't be stupid like I was.
Also, please be very careful about what kind of behavior you accept from your daughter. If you allow her to get away with being rude and spiteful because you are somehow feeling sorry for her because her dad's in prison, she will learn that this is ok and become even worse when she is older. Good luck.

Chicks, my friend has been working in a scheme with prisoners who are fathers, to help their families stay togther. One of the things the men have done is to record themselves on tape reading bedtime stories for their children. They record a new story every couple of weeks or so. It's been a great success, as the dads feel they are still contributing to their child's upbringing, the child can have dad 'available' whenever they want and mum gets a break while the child listens to the stories! Maybe you could suggest the scheme to the prison? Good luck.

PS I have an almost 16yr old dd and she's neither rude, bad tempered or spiteful - things will get better!!

thanks for the idea on the scheme whats it called then i wont feel like an idiot talking to somebody at the prison

I feel for you and also for your poor daughter. I can't imagine how much she's suffering with losing her father like this and being bullied at school. I wouldn't back off because she says so, she's not old enough to really know what's in her best interests and she's afraid. IMO she needs you to step in, help and stop it right now. Bullying can have devastating effects on self-esteem. It sounds to me as if it is all too much for her. Could you see your gp to see if there is any youth counselling for her or other support?

Chicks, I don't think the scheme has a name as such. My friend is a Prisons and Hospitals librarian and it's just something they developed along with probation officers and so on. Do you have a social worker or someone else who coordinates with your dd's father? Maybe they could help. All that's needed is some sort of tape recording machine - a music system is fine, a casste or two and some books for him to read from. Or he could make up his own stories.

Chicks - sorry to hear about your daughter. Another suggestion might be to contact the Prison Chaplain (you or ex-dh do not have to be at all 'religious' to use this service) I am sure they would be very helpful in this situation & offer to liaise between DD & her father. Good Luck.

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