Question to all SAHM's

[emkana]

Or several questions really.
How long have you been at home for? How long are you planning to stay at home? How do you feel about going back to work one day? Do you regret your decision to stay at home? Would you consider staying at home when all children are in full-time education?

I've been at home for nearly four years now. Four years! Can't quite believe it. Dd1 is nearly four (somehow obviously?) and dd2 is 19 months. Have no intention to go back until all children are at full-time school, and am hoping to have another baby some time next year. I feel terrified and sad at the thought of going back to work one day - yes, I am that pathetic creature who sees having another child partly as a welcome excuse to stay at home a bit longer. I have never regretted my decision to stay at home for one second - I love being a SAHM, really really love it. Best thing I've ever done. (Was a teacher before.) Sometimes I do wonder what the future will bring - can't imagine being at home all the time as the children grow older, but then who is going to employ me? And of course I'd want to work term-time only, preferably being able to pick the kids up from school, while earning £16 an hour... dream on!

Anyway, would be interested in everybody's thoughts/experiences!

I have also been a SAHM for nearly four years, starting from when I went on maternity leave with ds1 (my second child.) I worked full time from when my first child was 7/8 months old until then, when she was four. I was quite happy to go back to work after my first (though did have some pangs about leaving her, mainly as she was not interested in bottles or naps and worried how she would fare at nursery - she was fine). I always intended taking a career break after my second child was born but had some fertility problems so it took longer than expected. By then I was fed up with constant reorganisations at work so I was very pleased when my office was closed during my maternity leave and after some wrangling I was made redundant.

I really don't regret giving up work, but it is a very personal decision. If I had been doing a job I loved I would have been more inclined to stay at work, providing I could have gone part-time (not practical in my old job really). I live close to the city centre and there is plenty to do here, with or without kids. I have made some good friends with other mums at my daughters school since giving up work. I am lucky that ds1 and ds2 were/are good nappers so I have a few hours during the day to get stuff done. I also enjoying doing things like cooking, gardening and decorating (and our house has needed lots of renovating since we bought it 5 years ago!) If I lived out in the middle of the country and wasn't interested in those sorts of things I think I would feel very differently about staying at home.

Once all my kids are at school, I plan to do something, perhaps a course of some sorts as I don't want to return to the same type of work and then maybe get something part-time in school hours. However, we don't have any family nearby and from the experience of friends, I think it will be tricky even when the kids are at school, eg when the get sick. Many of the mothers at dd's school do seem to have part-time school hour jobs, so I am hopeful that there is something out there.

I'm a SAHM and have been for 4 yrs - ds's are now 4, 2 and 6 months.

I love it and wouldn't change it for the world nor can I bear the thought of going back to work - suits, travel, office politics - bleurgh!

BUT, I work freelance for my old employer so I'm not really 'not working' iyswim. I work in the kids nap/pre-school times, evenings and a bit on weekends. Not ideal by any means but works for us as my main priority has always been to be at home for my children but this way I can earn money too.

I can't see myself going back to work but that's because I know I can carry on freelancing and working from home which actually will be ideal when the kids are at school as I'll be able to drop off and pick up, do after school activities, school hols etc and work while they are there. So actually my situation will get easier when all the kids are at school (a way off yet though!).

It's funny because when I left work when ds1 was born, it was purely driven by my loathing and sadness of putting ds1 in nursery (did it for about a month before jacking it in) - it's only now how much I realise my freelancing will really come into its own when the kids get to school. Quite a few of my friends whose kids are going into reception this year are starting to panic about how they'll get round school holidays and picking up daily and I must admit it does seem like more of a nightmare - at least when you have them in day nursery it's 8-6.

Anyway, aside from all that, I love staying at home. I never stop and sit down but at least I can get all the household stuff done and spend time with the children. If I didn't have to work in the evenings it would be great in a way cos I'm shattered by then but it means I can earn money and keeps my hand in at work so its good from several angles.

I'm not one of these people that finds being at home boring - you just need a bit of imagination and there's loads you can do with the kids. For me it's the most rewarding thing to be there with your kids as they grow up day by day and I wouldn't miss it for any amount of money or career status - I gave up a very good job, very good salary and I was earmarked for the board within 3 yrs (so I'd be raking it in now!!) but I don't regret leaving it for a minute

I've been a SAHM for 5 yrs - before that I was completely career-driven (teacher and then briefly lecturer at University). I dont regret it at all, I love my life, love it. But, I did achieve other ambitions before I became a Mum, I travelled around the world, did my MAsters and became a lecturer. I think achieving my ambitions has meant I can devote my time to my children without feeling I am missing out on something. I will probably retrain when both of my children are in fulltime ed.

hi
technically i ahve been a stay at home mum for a year although ds is 16mths but was on maternity then I went back for 3mths. I love being at home wiht ds and am planning on getting pg asap for another baby. When they are both in school then I will look into work but again it is finding somewhere i can work around school hols etc and also sickness for kids so will have to see but at the moment i love it

was home for the first year of dd1's life and then worked for 9 months before we emigrated ( hated it - was a secondary teacher) Been home since we arrived here in Australia - almost a year have dd2 now also. I have absolutely no desire to return to teaching - strange as I loved it pre children and that was all I ever wanted to do.... now - really would hate it if I had to do it. For a number of reasons. I intend to stay home until no2 is in school and then will see what life brings - having a child with sn who will need support etc may make working difficult depending on the school she attends etc. I do not regret being at home with my two monkeys one bit. Even when they are both screaming and I am ready to join them

I would not have time for work and would have to employ a nanny so that dd1 can attend all her therapy sessions and her sn playgroup and her swimming lessons etc. We really aren't stuck in all day..... in fact it is nice to have time at home when we get it.

In fact need to head off and get dd1 ready for her swimming lesson.

i have been a sahm for 2.5 yrs ,previously I was asahm for 5 yrs with my first chil who is now 13.

I plan to go part time when he starts school,luckily it is our family business so I can do what hours suit me.

If I had to find a job where I couldn't pick up from school I would probably put off going back to work.

Gobbledigook, you really seem to have the best of both worlds, great! And I admire you for doing your work in the evening - all I'm capable of doing then is sit here or in front of the TV!

I've been a SAHD since November so a bit new, still. I was in IT but was looking for a push to change direction. Currently looking into training to be a qualified plumber, so I can choose my own hours for when dd (9 months) is in school.
Love being a SAHD.

Don't have time to read all of these posts as I'm at work! I find this really interesting as I was a SAHM for nearly two years.
I had been thinking about work but had no idea what to do (last job was all-round manager of a very small company and didn't want to do that again) when a job at dh's company just kind of fell into place, now I'm a technical writer!
It's entry level and quite tough sometimes but I enjoy it. Ds is at a creche in the business park where we work.
I do four days a week so I feel I have the best of both... I know I have Friday to spend with ds so I don't miss him that much while I'm at work, and he loves the creche (though that took some time and there are still some days he doesn't want to go.)
I guess what I found hard sometimes about being at home was not having a car when the weather was really bad. We live a good 20 minute walk from shops etc. and some days I really couldn't get out so I'd go a bit spare. I do have some great SAHM neighbours who saved my sanity at times and they are still good friends even though I don't see them as much now.
I think working pays off now, rather than when they're in school, as the creche is at least open until work finishes!
That said, we are moving to Canada (where I'm from) in a couple years (it'll take that long to get the immigration stuff sorted for dh) and when I have more kids I want to be at home full time. My mum and my sister will be close by so I'll have more support.
I think that if you can do it you should try to be at home for at least the first year, that said, I realise some women don't have a choice. In Canada maternity leave is a year anyway to encourage breastfeeding...I'm not getting started on that topic again
Sorry for babbling and I better get back to work before I'm again a SAHM (not by choice!)
Have a great day everyone!

i hated work soo much. have no intention of going back to work. though dh thinks differently. why should i when i will only be earning enough to cover the cost of my going to work....

How long have you been at home for? 6 months - since my dd was 22 months old

How long are you planning to stay at home?
There's another baby due in September so I'll probably go into part time work when DD starts school and the new baby is 2. So, I'll be out of work for 3 years... but we'll see how I feel at the time.

How do you feel about going back to work one day?

Sometimes I feel really excited about it. I am in the midst of a Masters degree so it will be a new career - one that is part time and potentially school - holiday friendly. I couldn't go back to work now though, not now I am used to being at home with DD. It would be a horrendous shock to the system.

Do you regret your decision to stay at home?

It's only been 6months but I hope not. I certainly don't regret it now. My job was too stressful to fit into part time hours and DD, DH and my home were all being neglected. Also, I am crap at multi tasking and hated going from mummy mode to baby mode every other day. If I work P/T again it will be for a block of consecutive days.

I have never been bored and probably living in a small pedestrian friendly city has helped that. I have pursued new hobbies and interests and I am really enjoying this time for many reasons.

Would you consider staying at home when all children are in full-time education?

No, but DH is a teacher so we'll never have to worry about childcare for school holidays. I hope never to have to work full time until my children are in Senior School though.

I have been a SAHM for three years since dd was born and I love it. I work six hours a week but with pre school children and i take dd with me.

Most of the time I adore my life, I used to teach and I do miss it but at the moment i know I would not like to be at school all day after a mad dash to nursery and then having to make a mad dash to pick her up again and then spend the night marking.

My daughter and I live busy lives, me being at home means she can go dancing, to gymnastics and swimming etc. We can have girly days out shopping or in the salon and our life is just so free. She goes to nursery three afternoons, I use this time to go the gym, do housework and my studying.

I would like more money, although one of the joys of being divorced is that i get maintenance so this combined with my six hours woth of wages mean that I can contribute to the household rather than rely on my partner for everything and I have money for clothes/ treats.

I don't regret being a SAHM mum although I do sometimes yearn for the old me when I talk to my old teaching friends, but it never lasts long. I worry about getting back into the workforce and if I will become deskilled, alhthough I am using my time at home to do a further degree and also to enrich myself as a person so have done things like pottery, dressmaking and photography. I would never have discovered these skills if I was still working full time.
I would love to be able to stop at home when she starts school as I want to be able to continue taking her to her dancing etc and be involved in her schooling. But as we are in the process of emigrating I am not sure what the future holds.

How long have you been at home for?

Since I was 27 weeks pregnant, DD is now 2y 7m. My contract at work expired (temping) and so DH and I decided that it didn't make much sense for me to take on another contract. Especially given that it was just before the start of the summer holidays anyway so we would've had to have paid for childcre for the DSs if i'd have taken on another contract.

How long are you planning to stay at home?

Until I start my access course in September. Originally planned to take a year or 2 off but when we reviewed the financial situation, it just wasn't feasible.

How do you feel about going back to work one day?

Great, so long as it's what I want to do. This is one of the reasons I'm doing my access course, so that I can go and do my degree in Radiography and come out with a career which I find interesting, a job which will (hopefully) not leave me with the dreaded Monday morning blues.

Do you regret your decision to stay at home?

No

Would you consider staying at home when all children are in full-time education?

Not really, no. Don't see the point. The kids won't be around for 6+ hours a day so what would I do with all that time ? I'd rather be spending it contributing financially to the home.

I've been a SAHM for almost 3 years. I have DD 2.5 and DS 1. Still not sure if I like it or not, even after all this time! I honestly think it would have been better for me mentally to have returned to work, but DH prefers for me to be home with the children. The longer I stay home though, the more I am dreading returning into the real world.
I can't imagine giving up caring for them 24/7 as I know how lucky I am to be able to do so. Being home and seeing them grow into the people they will one day become is amazing, but as most of you have already said, more "me time" would be fantastic.

I have been a SAHM for 7 years. DS1 is 7, DS2 is 4 and am pg with no.3 (due in June). I do enjoy it although would sometimes like another outlet. As the years go on i feel more and more like just a mum and less of a person (i dont mean that in a really bad way, but you can lose your identitly somewhat)
When they are all at school i will be working in the family business (book-keeping from home)
If you want to do the school run yourself and be there for your children after school, your potential for working is really quite limited. The school day is ssoooo short!

emkana - me too, which is why I'm on here instead of working! Slap wrists, off to do more work before the second half of Coro

Forgot to mention when I posted yesterday...
I never really considered not giving up work. I worked shifts, including 7 nights in every 28 days and dh also works shifts, often not arriving home til 2:30am. One of us would have had to completely changed careers anyway, so I'm a SAHM and will reconsider my career sometime in the future.

I have been at home for nearly a year and am still trying to get used to it. I love the time i spnd with ds1-4 years and ds2 five months but i miss work(never thought i would say that) I spent a long time working my way up the career ladder and can't help feling it will be really difficult to gat back. am stuck in two minds now, whether to return or not.

I've been a SAHM for 3 1/2 years as I gave up work in my 5 month of pregnancy with dst (now just over 3 years old.) I never had a career as such, just worked really, from leaving school to being pregnant, without any passion for what I was doing so I don't miss that at all.

Ideally DH would work proper hours instead of shifts then I would happily do evening work a couple of nights a week. I plan to stay at home for as long as I can and I never feel the need to justify that to those who feel I should be out working with my boys in childcare (not DH by the by.) Like you emkana I'd love one of those elusive jobs that pay loads but have flexitime so my priority can always be the boys.

I always thought that at this point I would be desperate to return to the adult world but listening to the office politics from DH I am glad I do this so will probably still be muddling along when the boys go to primary. I have never felt so satisfied in a job than I do as a mum so trying to think of the next step is giving me headaches. I was thinking of maybe training to be a nursery nurse as I enjoy this so much but I just don't know. I did have a spell as an au pair in my early 20s but this is so different, so much harder yet more enjoyable.

I don't know if any of that will make sense or be what you were looking for emkana but I will just say I am a SAHM and proud of it!